sinkerswim Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Well, I called him 2 mornings ago.. Probably not the best idea...since he was getting ready for work. But I did call and I didnt want to hear what he said to me. He said "What do you want, Renee...Im getting ready for work" I said "I thought you forgot about me." he just said "I have to go...Im getting ready for work" So I said "Weve been together 8 years, Ive never lied to you Ive never cheated on you..why are you doing this to me?" He didnt answer. Just that he had to get ready for work. I said "Will I talk to you again?" and he said "I dont know" I told him I loved him and we say Bye. I called right back and asked if he had my new phone number and address and he said "Its around the house somewhere..I have to get ready for work, Renee" He was very cold. NOT the same guy I know and love. Very strange. Im very hurt. This is SOOOO NOT HIM. Normally he would be so above that. I am soooo hurt and confused. Its not like him. Now, it feels like I have no closure. What do I do now? I have to tell him how I feel. Or does he know that already? I live with tremendous guilt...because I was so controlling over the years. I wrote a letter...but I probably wont send it for a good long time. I just dont know what to do. He never broke up with me, I wear his engagement ring. How do I get closure now? If he wont talk to me... HOW? WHY IS HE DOING THIS? I feel as if I dont know if its over. It sounded like it... but he never said it was. I guess I have to accept for now hes not here. Everything that came from him was "I dont know" in the past month. He knows better than to do this. He knows better. After 8 years he owes me more than that. Im shocked that he did this. Shocked and at a loss for words. We shared sooo much together and have so many memories. Isnt he thinking of any of that? I cry every day. Im very depressed. Im not mad at him...because its not my personality. I cant control the way he feels...but why is he shutting me out? Do I send the letter next month, or just let him finally miss me and let him go?
overseas2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 You already have my advice. I am just writing to say hello and chin up... Oh and only one more thought I had. Maybe you should not have called when he was getting ready for work. Gave him a perfect excuse not to talk to you. But I covered the other stuff pretty well in my mail
shopgrl Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 sinkerswim-- My heart truly goes out to you. Unfortunately, in lots of break-ups at least one party doesn't get full closure. I don't know if there is even such a thing as full closure. I know it sucks but honestly, sometimes it's probably better that way. I think that in some cases it would be more difficult to hear some things that a dumper might say. I'd probably feel the same way as you if I were in your shoes and I think I told you that in a prior response. If I were you though, I'd rest assure that you tried. You called him and he was an jackass. You don't need to tell him how you feel. He already knows. I understand that you want to send him a letter because that may be your only form of communication with this man since he won't talk with you. However, the only letter I'd send him is a letter saying that you are done with him and you won't be "on hold" any longer. I wouldn't send him a sappy letter, he doesn't deserve it. Don't kiss his butt. If he loves you, if he wants to be with you, he knows where to find you. Take off the ring and try to forget about him. It sounds like you're beginning to blame yourself. Don't. You were with this man for 8 years, EIGHT years! He's got some f'en nerve to be acting like this. He should be a man and be honest with you instead of ignoring you. Please keep in mind that he is the one with the problem. The situation you are in right now was his choice, not yours. And if he calls you, be cold to him just like he was cold to you. Don't bend over backwards for this man anymore, he's not worth it.
from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Posted March 20, 2004 I dont know....I have thought about writing a very long letter to my ex and just let out "honest " feelings, In my sitation, thats kind of a "last ditch effort" to save something that I left to begin with. I only feel like writing to her when I miss her. All the things she did to me, kind of make me second guess doing that. If its closure you want, amybe write the letter. from my experience though, waiting the other person out will give you your real answer. I f he really loves you, let him acall you, I know its hard, thats what ive been going through. My ex who I left because she cheated, called me and said get out of her life and I thought "well Ileft YOU!!", we never wanna be the one to get dumped, then she called back again, threateneing me. I guess give it time, time will give you the right answer, it really will.
sportsloving Posted March 20, 2004 Posted March 20, 2004 Write as many letters as you want... just do NOT send them. Write them in a journal, keep them in a box, do whatever. But if he is the one wanting to cut off communication with you, let him be the one to pick it back up. Waiting around for that to happen bites majorly... but if you keep yourself busy with other things, take walks, write your letters, talk to friends... it should get easier. And who knows, maybe by the time he comes to his senses, you will have grown over him. I wish you the best and hope things work out for you; one way or another.
Author sinkerswim Posted March 20, 2004 Author Posted March 20, 2004 Thanks for all your advice you guys. I appreciate it. I think I will be coming here for a very long time. The reason why I want to send the letter is for my own closure, I guess. To remind him that YES I am/was his fiance. To remind him of all the things we did together and shared. I just dont want there to be a misunderstanding. That is one fear going through my head. What if he thinks I cheated on him or something? Like, I dont know what to do. Is anyone else feel as helpless as me? I need all you people because you are probaby feeling the exact same way as me. We have to take things day by day. I just got done with bawling my eyes out. I hate the fact of maybe never seeing him again. Oh God..it rips my heart out.
ldybg51 Posted March 20, 2004 Posted March 20, 2004 Its just a thought, But maybe you should give him the ring back. I know that this is not something that you want to do at all. But in any case it could help in two ways. He sees that you are serious and want to begin getting over him, this makes him think that he has run out of time and if he does want you then he may make a move, It he doesnt then you finally have your answer and you can begin moving on with your life. Usually though they dont come back, if they are even going to, until they see you happy and over them. Then here they come, in full stride, right back into our lives. Trying to get some of what everyone else seems to be admiring Hey, Maybe he/she is a nice catch after all. Dont know why I even forgot that..... (it could happen)
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