brokenheart311 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I found this site when searching for advice. I've read a few posts and everyone seems pretty upfront and doesn't sugar coat the situation. I like that and definitely feel that is the help I need. I was engaged to a guy for 5 years. We dated a year before then. I've been friends with him since childhood (so good friends for close to 24 years). He has two kids from a previous relationship and we have one daughter together. I'm currently pregnant with twin boys (his). We have had our share of struggles, as any relationship does. Things were finally getting on track last year. We were planning a wedding and then surprise, I found out I was pregnant. These kids are 4 and 5 for him. All of his kids live with us. I've been the mother to his other kids because unfortunately the mother is POS. She would rather party then take care of her children. Out of nowhere he decides that we can no longer be together. I'm 26 weeks pregnant, working part time because of the health issues I have had during the pregnancy. We have split in the past but have always ended up back together after 2-6 weeks. I just can't be on this rollercoaster with him anymore. His excuses for wanting to separate are selfish in my opinion. He says the sex is predictable, I don't dress the way he wants me to (he wants me to wear tight clothing, jeans with heels, etc. - I'm a t-shirt and jeans girl. not the oversized t-shirts, just plain v-neck t-shirts), he thinks I deserve better than him, and he apparently thinks about cheating all the time and wants to end it so in case he decides to act on it, he won't be hurting me. He basically told me that he isn't sure that if someone asked him to have sex that he would say no. I'm so distraught over all of this. The rational part of me knows that I don't want to be in his life any further since he is pretty selfish but the other part of me is scared to death. I'm going to be a single mom to three kids - one 4 year old and two infants. I don't how I'm going to survive....
D78 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I worked at a pizza place during college. One of my managers (we'll call her Mary) had 5 children. She was married, had a nice house in a very nice part of town, and she and her husband had 5 kids. Then, when the kids were all younger than 11, he just left. I couldn't believe that, because Mary was a total knock out and a great person. She also didn't seem to be on the verge of a mental break down, which is where I would be after about one day of being a single mom to 5 kids The pizza place was Mary's second job. She got help with day care, and took advantage of all tax breaks and credits to help her pay for things. I think it's something about being a parent - you are stronger. I don't have kids, this is just what I've noticed from my friends and family who become parents. Right when you're faced with more than you think you can handle, something will kick in and you'll push through. You'll look back and think, how did I do that? Sorry that your friend of 24 years turns out to be so selfish. You sound like you're more afraid of being a single mom of 3 than you are heartbroken over your ex. Maybe some parents on here can chip in with better advice?
Author brokenheart311 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Thank you D78. I think you are right. I'm more scared of being a single mom than I am hurt over losing him. I know his patterns well enough to know that he will try to come back to me. I'm his security blanket. When life gets too tough, it's always me he comes looking for. It's been that way since we were just kids. I know he loves me in the only way he can and I'm definitely that girl that can't be replaced easily in his life. These thoughts comfort me. I love him more than he probably deserves so if he needs to out of the relationship, I have to let him go for his own happiness. I don't want to be the reason he is so miserable... It sucks that we couldn't work it out and once he completely moves out, it will probably hit me hard. Until then, I'm just trying to get myself situated and prepared for life as a single mom.
Karma20 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 You are stronger than you think. You will find a way to survive. If he doesn't want to be with you, then you have to stay focused on building a better life for yourself and kids. I give him credit for being honest with you especially about the whole cheating thing. You're right the reality of it will hit harder when he's gone but you will get through it. Your family, friends and kids will keep you moving.
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