lovekills Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I don't really want to, but she did to me. Just having gotten out of a BPD relationship I am here, torn apart wondering if she even cares if i live or die. Having just been served a restraining order for merely visiting her to return x-mas gifts and discovering another man there, getting into an argument about it I find myself here 2 weeks later as if someone died. I can't tell her that I am sorry that I added to her anxiety and that she had to go through this, go to court etc. Having just spent a wonderful x-mas together, finally turning a page, then a mere 5 days later she dumps me before new years. I sit here knowing I cannot reach out, text her hello, or good morning or about something that I've seen that she would like, the finality of it all is too overwhelming, it is truly like death and I am unable to cope…. long story referenced here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t260222/
swfc_77 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 you need to let go mate, if treating it like someone died then do so. mourn the loss and move on, easier said then done i know. i got rid of everything that reminded me of her, and however immature that sounds it helped me move on. having read your other thread, it sounds like you weren't a challenge for her, your affections were on a plate 24/7, she had nothing to work for or chase. thats not a bad thing, im the same, it just shows you know when your happy and are contempt with good things in life. she chased you when she first met you, tossed her bf aside, hit the target with you and moved on to the next 1. i dont want to comment on her abusive past, because i have no idea about things like that but i think her actions regarding the relationship are quite common in young women today, no offence to any1. my ex hunted me down on facebook, would always tx any1 who was interested, and got with me when she was already in a relationship. dont do these things again, dont look or accept romance on fb, meet people out and about in the real world then add them on fb if you must. i still meet the same if not more women and im not even on fb. i recently met a really attractive girl, she asked if i was on fb, i said no i dont have time for it, she then asked for my number instead.
Author lovekills Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 you need to let go mate, if treating it like someone died then do so. mourn the loss and move on, easier said then done i know. i got rid of everything that reminded me of her, and however immature that sounds it helped me move on. having read your other thread, it sounds like you weren't a challenge for her, your affections were on a plate 24/7, she had nothing to work for or chase. thats not a bad thing, im the same, it just shows you know when your happy and are contempt with good things in life. she chased you when she first met you, tossed her bf aside, hit the target with you and moved on to the next 1. i dont want to comment on her abusive past, because i have no idea about things like that but i think her actions regarding the relationship are quite common in young women today, no offence to any1. my ex hunted me down on facebook, would always tx any1 who was interested, and got with me when she was already in a relationship. dont do these things again, dont look or accept romance on fb, meet people out and about in the real world then add them on fb if you must. i still meet the same if not more women and im not even on fb. i recently met a really attractive girl, she asked if i was on fb, i said no i dont have time for it, she then asked for my number instead. AT her age however it shouldn't be considered to be a trait of a younger girl anymore. Its just sad she is trapped in her body and acts so much more immature with her actions in life. I wish her the best honestly and i'm sad for her that she is really just deep down scared so much so that she had to do something stupid like she did to me when all i wanted was to take care of her and give her a better life...
Ajax Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I've been reading up on commitment-phobia in women, and there's also a thread about it here. I'm convinced that my ex was a commitment-phobe, and it sounds like yours probably was too. Commitment-phobia is different between men and women. Women who have it will actually make a commitment, but then bail anyway. When they start to get close to someone they will then push them away. They fear both being suffocated by a relationship and being abandoned simultaneously, and when they can't handle the fear anymore they leave out of the blue. If your ex was scared like this then there was nothing you could have done. There were things you could have dome to make her leave sooner, but really it was like there was a ticking time-bomb in her and it was only a matter of time.
Author lovekills Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 I've been reading up on commitment-phobia in women, and there's also a thread about it here. I'm convinced that my ex was a commitment-phobe, and it sounds like yours probably was too. Commitment-phobia is different between men and women. Women who have it will actually make a commitment, but then bail anyway. When they start to get close to someone they will then push them away. They fear both being suffocated by a relationship and being abandoned simultaneously, and when they can't handle the fear anymore they leave out of the blue. If your ex was scared like this then there was nothing you could have done. There were things you could have dome to make her leave sooner, but really it was like there was a ticking time-bomb in her and it was only a matter of time. Once again I agree. I think that i became very annoying and bothersome when I noticed that she started to show less interest. I would text her more and question the relationship as well as question why the new "friend" was texting her so much, what their "real" relationship was and also complained about why she didn't show as much interest level or talk to me as much. Adding this to someone who more than likely has BPD and has anxiety (and is on meds for it) likely pushed her over the edge. She even said the last comments that I made to her is what compelled her to break up with me. Its sad though because when I look at how other boyfriends scream and yell and curse and their girls I cringe. My comment was after i asked her if she wanted to have dinner that evening and she said no she wanted to be alone so I simply said "why do you always want to be alone, you want to be more than you want to be with me". She gave me the run around and about an hour later she broke up with me. Few hours after we made plans for new years too, which i'm sure i mentioned above. The thing about commitment though is funny. She wanted it at one point then i wouldn't give it, now i wanted to give it 100% and she didn't want it, she wanted to be able to date around and play the field. At her age though (mid 30's) she really needs to find someone and that is why she bounces around so much. I was unbelievable to her. I am finally starting to see that her issues and disorders were really more contributory to this downfall then I was sadly.
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