REALM123 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Hi guys, my Ex girlfriend and I dated for over 2 years. My Ex girlfriend and I ended things horrible about 3 months ago. During that time, I have been in denial and got on with my life... it hit me about 2 weeks after our relationship ended and I did the lowest thing possible and begged her back... terrible times. She said she didn't want anything to do with me and that I should leave her alone... in the process she met a guy I know of but dont know personally... anyway, this guy is a real low life but that will only bring negative in her life. Constant drinker and drugs. She has a child with another man and is also recently got divorced while with me... (Please note she is 26 years old but separated 3 years prior to the divorce) but she is a real party animal... and really is crude when drunk. I used to get a bit uncomfortable when I was getting lap dances in front of my friends and their girlfriends/wives. She got out of hand at times... Its fun when alone but not when you trying to be respected by YOUR friends. We used to live together but I couldnt take it, so I said we should both move into different places and try from there... We dated for another 6 months after us moving into seperate places. When she moved into a place, she moved into a house and rented a room for her and her child. Her child shared a bed with her. she also has a car that constantly breaks down. After we broke up, I found out about 2 months later that with her divorce settlement she spent it all on a boob job. I see pictures of her with this new guy and it REALLY hurts. This guy is like a full time red neck that drinks and causes trouble. He is a serious downgrade to what I offered her. Its this pain of knowing what they are getting up too... and what she is doing with the guy. I try and forget but when I was begging her back... her new guy phoned me and said I should leave her alone... I told him to p*%$ off... I received a message later saying "Dude #name is about to go down on me... id love to meet you sometime" I mean... How low is that when they say what your long term ex girlfriend is about to do... shows the character of her and him. That was about 1 month ago... Please I need an outsiders point of view... she isn't worth it is she??? I love this woman terribly but at the same time I know it wont work... I want it to work though but how can someone do that to me? I have had a few rebounds but not finding the X factor... What is up with that?
GreenPolicy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 No, she's not worth it. You dodged a bullet. Be thankful you are out of this situation.
poorguy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Fffffffffffff__ckkkkkk nooooo she's not woth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let her go do whatever it is she wants to do....that's just f-ing gross-good for her. She sounds like a keeper-not for you though, just for him!!!1 and yes i am yelling this right now!!!!!!!!
Author REALM123 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Yeah I know but wow I miss her... dont know whats up with me. I think she is seriously going to have a mental breakdown or something... Another thing I didnt add... she is on anti depressant tablets... if she doesnt take them daily she SERIOUSLY has the strangest mood swings. Her Ex husband and I both think she is bi polar but she wont admit it... What more can I do to get over her though? The heart doesn't choose who to love... especially if they are so bad for you... how do I get over this woman? I am so afraid of going to my local pub or club... because the douche bag guy and her hang out very local to me and the last thing I wan to do is see them. Thoughts please?
Author REALM123 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 For Poor guy... that is legen... wait for it... dary... Yeah I guess you right. BUt wow... I have had many other woman but I am just having serious problems with committing and have some self esteem issues lately... Whats up with that? i never had that...
poorguy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Realm, I'm just saying that we all may be the guy who is going to date some other guys ex-YOUR ex is completely safe from being dated by most of the guys I've seen on this forum and all of the guys I actually know in real life.....Sorry I don't know why this story digusted me so much. Sounds like she found what she was looking for and I'm so glad that doesn't include you, and you should be too!!!!
poorguy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Sorry Realm I missed your actual question while posting. Self esteem after a breakup is like something you have to earn back from yourself. It's kind of like you'll be working for yourself for a while and the self esteem will be your paycheck once you've earned it back. That my friend just takes time. You have to do the right things to get it back though. NC, exercise, hang out alone, hang out with friends etc.....but really just time
I have no title Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 This guy is like a full time red neck that drinks and causes trouble. I am sorry to admit but your ex is not even a little bit better than this guy - I actually think they found each other. Your description of her behavior kinda made things clear for me. What a nice girl would give you a lap dance in front of your friends or whatever, or what a nice girl would get her ass drunk so that you feel ashamed standing next to her? These are your words, so why are you still wondering whether she is worth it or not, when it is completely obvious that she IS NOT? She already has a child from another man, a divorce which is completely appropriate to the behavior she shows. Suppose you get back together. Now put your feelings away for a while and think clear - do you really need a woman that has such an insecure, shameless, and completely innapropriate behavior for a mother!? You say she getsdrunk like hell, tell me please would you like to see the mother of your child doing that? Do you want to live a life with a person who you can't really trust? You said you broke up with her and 2 weeks later begged for her back, and later you said when you called and begged her, that red neck told you to not to contact her anymore. So has she already found a new man 2 weeks after you broke up with her? Not a very good sign... My advice, answer yourself the questions above, and try to realize what would really make you happy - a short-term reconciliation and then another knife in your back? or rather NC, healing and meeting a much more worthy person for a long-term future? For you to decide! Sometimes it is much more healthy for yourself to think with your brain first and put the feelings away. hopefully I have given you an insight, good luck and less heartache.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 she sounds horrible. be glad you don't have any kids with her and run for the hills.
Author REALM123 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Yes that makes complete sense... It was actually funny though. Last night I went to the local pub with a few of my friends from work, first time since my breakup... I was sooo hesitant because I thought I would bump into her or the red neck... but when I got to this place... I didn't see anyone I knew and I had a REALLY awesome time. It wasn't about drinking but more social with good people... actually felt soooo much better. I would recommend that if you ever feel out of sorts or hurt... go out for a drink with friends. It really does the world of good for you... RE My Ex... I hope this feeling stays the same but I now have the ideas that she really isn't worth it... we had our happy moments but we didn't work...and I know that soon I will meet the woman that I am supposed to meet... It just needs patience.
lovekills Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Sorry dude but going to have to agree with the panel here, she is no good. You are simply missing what you had and what made you feel good at times, not her specifically. I am going through the same thing, my ex I am almost certain has borderline personality disorder, and she is on anti anxiety and anti depressants as well as having been molested as a young child by her father. The point is we are attracted to who we are attracted to and its hard to let go of that when its ripped unwillingly from us, we justify their behavior and look at them with such adoring eyes thinking they can do no wrong even if they spit on us we still adore and love them. This boils down to our own insecurities, abandonment and trust issues and often times because it is a 'first love' we think we will never find someone else that will ever fill the void but that is incorrect, you will so don't fret. My ex was a nightmare yet I still hold her up on this pedestal, I still think fondly of her after she ripped into me like someone i had never met before. Your ex's behavior sound inexcusable and if you are nothing like the guy she is with now and you are in fact a stand up gent than you should not have to put up with such behavior nor should you be pinning over someone who acts like they are a stripper with daddy issues. As said above, you dodged a bullet so be thankful, it will hurt, we all hurt, it blows, we know we can't change a damn thing but we want to some how by continuing to seek advice and ruminate over it. Be thankful you didn't marry her and have a kid and end up divorced like the poor sap before you...
Author REALM123 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 LOVEKILLS -> Thank you for your honesty and I am sorry that you are going through the same thing. Its really tough but its something that will always happen. Such is life as they always say... I think I have actually progressed a lot over the past couple of weeks and due to the feedback I have received, it has actually made me realize what an idiot I was for actually wanting this woman back or actually wanting to be in a relationship with her. I looked at pictures of her yesterday due to a mutual friend posting New Years pictures. She was with this new guy.... I couldnt believe her choice and decisions she made but at the same time I didnt have that feeling like... "I have lost you"... It was merely like a "Wow what a douche bag/Red neck with a woman that acts so out of sorts... and she is supposed to be a mother"... I actually feel sooo sorry for her child. During our relationship with the mother, the daughter and I didnt bond that well (Regret that) but now looking back I feel like i should have made more of an effort... but that poor dam child. I am honestly a good guy, I looked after her, she lived in my house and I bought everything for her. I was respectful and honest, I did as much as I possibly can... but one thing... I can def do a lot better and finding the right woman. It will just take time... I have made some insane but reachable new years resolutions for 2011... one being moving to the City... I stay in a rural suburb which has the same people hence my phobia for bumping into them at the local pub. But I think this move to the City will be amazing for me... I can meet random people and not meet mutual friends etc... Trying to make my life a bit more exciting and getting out and experiencing life... P.S. Regarding her Ex husband, they stayed in the UK and he sent her back to her original country because he thought she had some serious depression issues... When she got back... she found out that the guy cheated on her in the UK. Do you blame him though? Wow. He is now happily engaged with another woman who looks decent...
Author REALM123 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Why do I still have those moments that one minute I am brilliant then the next I feel pretty terrible and down and out??? Is this normal?
PowerOfOne Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 ohhh yeah it's normal. I was on that rollercoaster for a while. I was on it until I was so sick and tired of the ups and downs that I go angry with myself for it. It dies down after a while. Took a bit of work to get off, but whenever I felt a down coming on I picked something to distract myself. Usually it was writing all the great things that I'm going to do this year or all the reasons I'm going to be better off without her (even if i had to dream them up!). I've done a lot of writing...
Author REALM123 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Excellent buddy... good to hear! Yeah its so strange that you put your negative emotions and your mind starts focusing on the good... even though YOU know she is a terrible decision... HAHAHA... The brain is a battlefield. Yeah you right, keeping distracted is a good way to get out there and start living. With all your writing, are you at least accomplishing the goals you seek? I have done that as well... Its going to be a good year my friend. People should just stay focused and keep the head high... You are ALOT better than the way you have been treated! That applies to you, me and ever other guy out there!
melenkurion Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Why do I still have those moments that one minute I am brilliant then the next I feel pretty terrible and down and out??? Is this normal? I'm afraid so... Or at least, it's exactly what I am experiencing. It's completely normal, I am sure.
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