Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) I will have these short little dreams about my EX GF marrying someone else. Some of them are absurd. In one she was about to marry a character from the tv show "NCIS". In another it was her current BF. In another it was yet another man a random faceless man. What pains me most isn't the idea of her simply being with another man. We have been on and off BF GF for many years. We have each been with other people. We would find each other taken, for a time, only to come back to each other later. This time feels different, this time feels like I may loose her...forever. I guess I can't really do anything about it but wait and pray that however things work out it's for the best. Then at the same time try to press on myself and see who's out there. Leaving the aspect of my having a child with her...that I have no legal rights to right now... that's all I can do. It would be so much simpler without him. To me marriage is forever. I have seen BF GF relationships come and go way to easily to think that they are anything more than stating that you will date such and such a person on a regular basis. They can gradually get more serious... but right now it does not feel like I have quite lost her forever yet. Edited January 10, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 No one knows what those dreams mean. Only time will tell. Only thing you should do is stick to NC and know things will get better.
GreenPolicy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 My imagination has tortured me with all sorts of scenarios of what my ex is up to. It doesn't matter. We won't be getting back together. In the short to medium term, the chances are non-existent. The only possible scenario is down the line in a couple years, but by that time I expect to be healed and with somebody else. It sucks, but I have to let go and accept that she's gone forever.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 No one knows what those dreams mean. Only time will tell. Only thing you should do is stick to NC and know things will get better. That's not a problem. The way I see it...is like a gardener planting bulbs or seeds for the next spring. If and when conditions are right some will bloom some will not. If I had not planted them then certainly nothing would bloom. A new relationship may flower or it may not even break the surface. What I have been thinking about lately is sort of selfish. When I met her at 19 by the time I was 20 I had two dreams for my future. One was to become a scientist and study the universe. The other was to marry her. One of those has come true....and somehow...it feels empty without her.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 My imagination has tortured me with all sorts of scenarios of what my ex is up to. It doesn't matter. We won't be getting back together. In the short to medium term, the chances are non-existent. The only possible scenario is down the line in a couple years, but by that time I expect to be healed and with somebody else. It sucks, but I have to let go and accept that she's gone forever. The scenario I have been thinking of for us getting back together ... either it happens in the next four or five months... or when we are both toothless 80 year olds. Meeting in some nursing home....me chasing her around oxygen tank in tow, her using a walker. lol I would be ok with that. So long as we both can have a good life between now and then. Man, I think what I feel for her must be real love if I can say that. These dreams and daydreams don't haunt me at all times. Just in the nite, and when I'm doing something and thinking it would be nice to have someone to share this with.
GreenPolicy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 You really should not put your life on hold for somebody who has made it clear you are not a priority to them. I hate that my ex left me after we made plans to get married, but it is what it is. I cannot change it. I have no influence over what she does, thinks or feels. I think there is a tiny chance that one day down the line she may regret what she did and want to come back, but I certainly cannot live my life waiting for a moment that probably will never come.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 You really should not put your life on hold for somebody who has made it clear you are not a priority to them. I hate that my ex left me after we made plans to get married, but it is what it is. I cannot change it. I have no influence over what she does, thinks or feels. I think there is a tiny chance that one day down the line she may regret what she did and want to come back, but I certainly cannot live my life waiting for a moment that probably will never come. Putting my life on hold for her was never the problem. Our first real breakup was when I said good bye to her as I was about to go off to university in another city. I put my career first, I have always put my career first. I did not see her for two years or so after that. We had a fling while she was arranged/engaged to marry another man... one not of her choosing as per her people's custom. It is from this when I think she became pregnant with my child. When I went back to university I did not see her for another 18 months or so. I thought I would never see her again. Then I went looking for her and found her with a boy of 8 months old. Who looked much like me no fiancée. I acted as if I was the father and did not care who's it was. I loved him as soon as I looked into his eyes. For a year or so I was his father, it even looked like we could be married. Then she was taken from me by her families disapproval of us. We kept in touch by email for three years after that. The history we have makes it hard to not think.... The impossible has happened with us so many times already. She has not just been a GF she will rank as one of the great loves of my life...no matter if I never saw or spoke to her again.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 I think I know what the problem is. According to this http://www.ehow.com/facts_4868718_effects-sleeping-pills.html using sleeping pills has as a side effect very strange dreams. In effect though I sleep I get no respite from the anxiety. It just manifest as a dream.
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