smudge21 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 My first post and came across this after Googling for some advice. This seemed the best place so hello all. Down to business, met this girl summer last year when I was hiring people to help out on a small media project. From the first meeting we hit it off so much so that the planned half hour turned into 3 hours. From then on it went the same way and I thought we'd become best of friends, then the flirting started, which at first I laughed off and went along with. It eventually got serious and soon we were past the flirting stages. However, as soon as it started it also ended. Trouble is, in just a few short months I realised I'd really fallen for her. Totally head-over-heels kinda' thing. Now comes the tricky part. There's another guy (isn't there always) who she's known and been close to for many years (since high school). They've lived together and dated on and off. I met him at the very beginning but back then they were more like friends, there was no connection between them. Both of them admitted that the relationship between them was unusual to say the least. More of a convenience with house sharing, but of course they had, on and off, dated occasionally. Believe me, I'm not one to get involved with anyone that is already seeing someone, so although the situation was strange I did honestly believe there was nothing between them. Anyway, after what happened between us everything changes and now he's suddenly the boyfriend again (no longer just the friend). I spend the next few months, whilst we're working together, constantly thinking about her - unable to really concentrate. She even says that what happened between us was just a bit of fun. Then when the project is over, she goes. I try to remain in touch and for a while we meet up, just as friends, as initially that's what she was and I do still miss that side of her. But eventually the contact becomes less until Xmas when, after a few months, we all meet up. It's then I notice the engagement ring. That in my mind should've been the closure I was after, and for a while it was, but once again I'm back to still thinking about her. Analyzing everything about the past, wondering how I could've done things differently. I still partly regret never telling her how I truly feel as maybe things might've been different (deep down, I know it probably wouldn't have changed a thing). I do so want to be over her and be able to move on, but it's like she's always there, in my mind. Finally there's a side to her that should really put me off. She craves attention, that may be why we hit it off as I was someone new. I do know that over Xmas she started flirting with someone else on the project (yes, even whilst engaged). I don't know where that led to, but surely that in itself should be enough to make me think I'm better off without - so why can't I get her out of my head? Why do I still think there's a chance? Why do I still love her? I've read other messages on here and people are going through similar but generally after a long term relationship, so I'm at a loss as to why I still feel as I do.
KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 We have some similarities on our situation. My ex is also with another guy. Even though she screwed me, I still can't stop thinking about her and the fun times that we had. Unfortunately, thinking about that is part of the healing process. I've taken it upon myself to do a couple things to speed up the process. Up until last night, the last time I had a bacon pizza was with my ex. So I ordered a bacon pizza and had it with my friends. Bam, no more awkward "Awh, the last time I did this was with my ex..." Doing things like that might help. It helps for me. But definitely maintain no contact (abbreviated NC around here). I've been NC for 24 hours now and I already can feel a bit better about the situation.
Author smudge21 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Had about 2 months of NC before the Xmas meet up, and when I saw her with him (and the ring) it hit like a train. Did 'man up' for the evening but lost it the following day when on my own. Sadly, due to the media project, she's still a part of my life and I cannot cut her out of it completely, which does make things tough. Some days I can be fine but others, like today, she's all I think about.
KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 That's rough man. I'm sorry. It always helps me to call friends. I've talked to, I think, nearly every friend I have these past few days. They're more than glad to help me.
Author smudge21 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Yeah, do talk to friends. Trouble is, even I can't explain why this girl that I got to know for a few months only has had such an affect on me and why I can't get her out of my head. I feel kinda' embarrassed as compared to others (those that feel this way after a year or ten year relationship that ends) this relationship was really short. I mean, can you even class it as a relationship being so short. I've had longer (and sadly shorter) relationships without this much emotional damage. Just can't understand it.
Fern Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yeah, do talk to friends. Trouble is, even I can't explain why this girl that I got to know for a few months only has had such an affect on me and why I can't get her out of my head. I feel kinda' embarrassed as compared to others (those that feel this way after a year or ten year relationship that ends) this relationship was really short. I mean, can you even class it as a relationship being so short. I've had longer (and sadly shorter) relationships without this much emotional damage. Just can't understand it. You're mourning the boundless possibilities of what 'might have been'. In a situation like mine (6 year relationship ended) - once the initial shock wears off you have a lot of bad times and disappointments to look back on. It helps to convince you that maybe the split WAS for the best. In your case you have no bad times with her to remember so it feels like you've lost something potentially amazing.
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