Doble tres Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 So here's the story. I dated thi girl for a year and a month. She was my world. I'm 17 an a senior in high school. We were off and on alot. I wasn't te best bf in the beginning if our relationship. That's why it ended. She said she doesn't feel the same anymore. She doesn't love me like she uses to. I lost my virginity to her. First time a girl went down on me. First time I went down on a girl. She's all I think about. It's been a week. We also had an abortion during our relationship bc we felt we were too young. Tha makes this much harder. Everything reminds me of her. EVERYTHING. I can't picture myself with anyone else. And I can't picture another guy doing why I did or going where I been. It kills me. She told me stop hoping and move on. I can't make her live me I know. What should I do? What can I do to help ease the pain? I've never felt this way about agirl before. we go to same school. I can't see myself being over it by prom time. I don't wanna swellon this the lst half of my senior year but I can't help it. And she seems alright about everything. She has Ron of friends and ppl to help. Also guy chasing her. Always dis even when we were together. I don't want her to start talking to someone whose "there for her" and forget about me. How long do you think before I start not thinking about her as much? I don't have many true friends. I talk to my mom alot about it. I cry alot I'm just lost without her. I've told her how ifelt and she just says she sorry buy she doesn't feel it anymore. Please help.
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 There is nothing you can do. I'm sorry that's you're going through this pain. I lost my first love back in August to another guy. You should go NC (no contact) to help the healing. I know you're in school and it might be hard to do it, but it can be done. It's clear that she's been thinking about this for a while to be moving on so fast. You said you weren't the best BF to her. All you can do is live and learn man. You 17. I'm not going to be like some of the harsh members and start yelling at you, but you're still very young. You going to college? because there all tons of girls there. My dad told me I just saw the Poodle collection at HS and that the best ones are at college. He's right. You'll be fine.
Buzzkillington Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Go complete NC, real life, phones, social networking etc. If you're going to college, you'll love it, drink too much at the start and have an amazing time. I probably shouldn't say this but actually after I went to college my first love came back and wanted to work things out. But yeah don't dwell on this - trust me just enjoy yourself (I'm only 21 and kind of wish I was your age again, its so fun!) And yes thinking about someone else having sex etc with your first love is heartbreaking and NC seems to be by far the best way forward!
Good Arms Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I'm so sorry for you. Although I'm much older, I'm going through the pain of losing my first love. It truly sucks. I just want to tell you that EVERYTHING you've said you're feeling is exactly like me. I did everything with my ex for the first time. And everything I see, do, hear, everywhere I go now reminds me of her. I know it's no comfort, but I want you to know you're not alone. My ex's reasons were basically also that she didn't feel the same way about me anymore. There's no point questioning their actions, though all the "whys" and "what ifs" will go around in your head for a time. We have to try and let go, and accept it won't happen overnight. The dumper will move on, maybe very quickly and before we've healed. It will take time to get over, everyone is different. Best not to try and expect things to be better by a certain time. I don't have many friends either, none really outside of work. The only person I could really open up to was my mum - I never used to be able to talk about emotional stuff with her, but I know it helps. It releases a lot of tension. For guys it's hard as we don't usually have friends to talk about emotional stuff to, we bottle up all our worries. Don't be afraid to let your feelings out and cry - there's no shame in it. The posters above are right, the main thing you can do now is go NC. It's hard, but it's for your own good. She'll only pity you if you keep trying to get her back when she's told you to stop hoping and move on. It won't get you anywhere, in fact it'll probably drive her further away. You have to make the first step towards letting her go, and towards YOU healing, and that's going NC. Try and avoid her at school, keep your distance whenever you can, don't go and talk to her but if you really have to, just keep things short and make your excuses. Don't phone or text her, and don't look at her Facebook if you're on there, which means the best thing you can do is defriend and block, however much that hurts. If she's made her mind up and is moving on, you don't want to read ANYTHING she puts on FB from now on. Even the smallest things will upset you. Believe me, I made the mistake of snooping for about a month and just to see innocent things that suggest she's happy without me hurt like hell. Then when it progressed to her mentioning another guy at work who liked her, you can imagine how my already broken heart shattered even more. I eventually realised I'd never start to heal if I punished myself like that, so I blocked her. I know you'll want to still know what she's doing every minute of the day, but sadly you have to accept it's no longer your business, and realise that IT WILL HURT YOU TO KNOW. homebrew may have gone, but his threads (or threads of stuff he copied from elsewhere?!) have some useful advice: The Definitive Guide If You Were Dumped (Pocket Edition) No Contact For Dummies Something else you can do is try and change your living space so that it doesn't remind yourself of her so much. Hide everything associated with her. Rearrange the furniture to reclaim the space for yourself. Put away any pictures of her, gifts from her, somewhere you can't look at them. Delete pictures of her from your phone/computer (back them up somewhere), just don't look at them. I know I still did for a while, but at some point when you have to accept things are over you have to stop. I know you're in a tough situation like me, having to see her at school (I see my ex at work), so that makes things harder. We just have to do the parts of NC we can control. Also, I know it's easier said than done if you're depressed about something, but try and keep busy and keep your mind occupied on something, hobbies, sport, exercise etc. Get your thoughts out in a journal or here on LS. I'm really sorry for your situation, trust me that it's perfectly normal for you to hurt like hell right now. It's extremely early days. But Leandro is right, you're still young, so while you shouldn't rebound into another relationship until you're healed and over your ex, you don't need to worry as you'll have plenty of opportunities ahead of you. She played a huge and important role in your life, and you'll always have those memories, and so many people have told me that some day we'll look back and it won't hurt anymore. Good luck man!
donovant91 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Sorry to hear that buddy. I lost my first love too recently, and she gave me the same excuse. She said we would be together forever, put my last name for her name sometimes, made all these plans together but then I come out to see her and she thinks of me more as a friend and dumps me for another guy. We were together for 5 years and it all changed in a snap. It was a big deal that we lost our virginity together for both of us, but I heard she started having sex with the other guy three days after we broke up. It hurts but you just have to accept it and move on, some days are better then others but just analyze your relationship with her for the future. Just keep pushing forward.
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