D78 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I was really looking forward to my first day of true NC. I have been broken up for almost 2 months now, but he took a month moving out and the phone company apparently wanted us to stay in touch because they would not get our new situation correct.... Over the weekend, I found out that his account was refunded the first amount that should not have been taken out, and I received a check in the mail on Saturday for the other amount that he should not have paid. After some back and forth as to what I owed him and his not wanting to be overpaid, I emailed him and said I will put the check in the mail on Monday, that's the last thing to take care of so goodbye and good luck. So I put the check in an envelope, addressed it to him, sealed it, and thought about the step I was about to take... AND I WAKE UP TO FIND OUT THE ROADS ARE ICY AND THE TEMP PROBABLY WON'T BE ABOVE FREEZING UNTIL LATE AFTERNOON...UGH...
Author D78 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 All I want is to take a step toward feeling better. It's like all forces are against me Okay, yes, I know it's not that bad but it just feels like it right now.
PowerOfOne Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Haha, sorry i know it's not funny. On the plus side? Think of how much stronger you'll be when you get over all these additional hurdles? Does that help?
Author D78 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 No, it's funny. In a mess with your head type of way, but funny. I can laugh at most things in my life, including this. I just hope I will be stronger in the "I can overcome anything you throw at me" sense, rather than "I broke 14 bones on the way to the post office because I'm so desperate to mail this stinkin check... and calcium deposits reinforced the fractures to make me overall a stronger person" sense.
Graceful Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 The only thing I have to say is that this has to be the worst winter you may have ever experienced in your life! I know someone who went to Austin for the holidays (family there) and was frozen the entire time. We are much tougher than you are up here in the northeast (yes, we are!! ha ha!) but driving on ice (especially black ice early in the day) is not something I will do, either! But take it from a native of the northeast ... the temp will rise again. I was the contact on the oil bill with my ex. When I moved out, I did not think about changing this information. In any event, the oil company called me one day (months and months after I moved out!!) because my ex had made an appointment, but had not changed the phone contact info. Hence, the reason they called me .... so I had to call him. It was so typical. We had a good laugh over it (and the oil guy did, too!!). Happens.
carhill Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 In all endings there are new beginnings. I can empathize, and went through similar stages during the 18 months or so of my divorce. Unraveling a ten year marriage and two estates was quite complex and time-consuming, not to mention the emotional impact. Hundreds of details like the one you recount. I found no contact (other than the business of divorce) and changing my perspective on the process (acceptance) to go miles towards final closure. Hope things go better for you (or at least shorter time). Stay warm!
Author D78 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 We are much tougher than you are up here in the northeast (yes, we are!! ha ha!) I have no doubt that's true. I think 67 is cold. but driving on ice (especially black ice early in the day) is not something I will do, either! But take it from a native of the northeast ... the temp will rise again. Yeah, my brother (native Texan but moved to Colorado) thought us Texans were wimps and he was making fun of all the folks going 20 mph on the highway in a rare Texas ice storm. He was passing them at 40 mph... next thing you know we're spinning in circles flying off the highway... wee... I won't drive in ice either unless it's an emergency. I guess I will watch the continuous coverage of every highway in the area shut down and cars flipped over, anxiously awaiting my chance to begin this NC stuff, and realizing things could be worse (knock on wood).
Author D78 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 I can empathize, and went through similar stages during the 18 months or so of my divorce. Unraveling a ten year marriage and two estates was quite complex and time-consuming, not to mention the emotional impact. Hundreds of details like the one you recount. Wow - 18 months. It must have taken a lot of strength to get through that. 2 months has been rough for me, and we didn't have to divide our estates or go to court or anything. I found no contact (other than the business of divorce) and changing my perspective on the process (acceptance) to go miles towards final closure. Hope things go better for you (or at least shorter time). Stay warm! I have accepted the fact that our relationship is over, but when I truly did that I got more sad (sadder?). And, as dumb as it sounds, mailing this check is making me cry. I can't seem to think of anything to tell myself to deal with the sadness (I had plenty of choice words to deal with the anger), without increasing the sadness. Wow - sorry for my rambling. Thanks!
carhill Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yep, it's like a little 'death'. I sometimes still get those feelings from stupid things like taking something out of the linen closet or putting shoes back in the shoe rack I built that was once off limits to my shoes due to the dozens of shoes my exW had. Little things like smells and sights. I admire people who can shove all that aside and proceed on in life like nothing happened. For you perhaps, and for me, something did happen and it deserves appropriate grief and condolence. Life, love and people have value; value worthy of respect and grief.
GreenPolicy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I alternate between fear, sadness and anger. Anger that she quit on us after making a commitment to get married and never opening up about fears, doubts and concerns. I know getting married can be extremely scary, especially for somebody with her background. Sadness that it's over and there are no more memories to be made, our future plans will not come to fruition. Our future together is a fantasy that won't be coming true. Fear because life without her right now is scary and chaotic. I know that eventually I will love again, but it feels hopeless right now? I know that's a temporary mindset. I just don't want to make it a permanent one. What I have to keep telling myself is that a marriage to her would not have worked out. She is not somebody who is capable of a long-term committed relationship at this point in her life.
Author D78 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 This was supposed to be day 8 of NC. No such luck. My ex had a package delivered here by accident, and he picked it up on Sunday. Today, I had to get something in the mail CMRRR before 17:00, so I get to the post office around 16:15... guess who's there? My ex. Guess who's last in line? My ex. We got to stand in line together for about 15 minutes. Me: I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall, that was good. Him: Don't go see Green Hornet. It sucks. 3D adds nothing to the movie experience. Me: Yeah, I've heard.... it's too bad, I like Seth Rogen. (He had Netflix packages with him, so I guess he's doing what I'm doing - watching every movie on earth.) Me: So, are you selling _______ ? (he sells an item through his website) Him: Yep. You lawyering? Me: Yep. Him: Cool. A nice conversation, I guess. It's so weird how we both have changed so much in 60 days. His hair is long (he used to have a shaved head). He has a mustache. My hair is shorter and I have bangs. My clothes are now WAAAYYYY too big. NC is going to be impossible I guess unless I move to another town. I didn't feel sad to see him. I wonder what that means?
brneyedgrl Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I alternate between fear, sadness and anger. Anger that she quit on us after making a commitment to get married and never opening up about fears, doubts and concerns. I know getting married can be extremely scary, especially for somebody with her background. Sadness that it's over and there are no more memories to be made, our future plans will not come to fruition. Our future together is a fantasy that won't be coming true. Fear because life without her right now is scary and chaotic. I know that eventually I will love again, but it feels hopeless right now? I know that's a temporary mindset. I just don't want to make it a permanent one. What I have to keep telling myself is that a marriage to her would not have worked out. She is not somebody who is capable of a long-term committed relationship at this point in her life. My feelings are almost identical to yours GreenPolicy. I feel sadness, anger, frustration that he gave up without a fight. He says he's been going over it in his head for awhile but why was I left on the cold? Couldn't we work on it together? Our future plans that involved marriage and a family are gone... all because he got scared and didn't know how to deal. I guess I should count my blessings that marriage didn't happen, if he can't deal with everyday issues, stress, and pressure, how is he going to deal with a family. D78: Hang in there. You posted on my situation the other day and it's something I keep reviewing to help keep myself from breaking down. The world keeps throwing things like this at us for a reason right?! That's what I keep telling myself.
Author D78 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 ...Hang in there. You posted on my situation the other day and it's something I keep reviewing to help keep myself from breaking down. The world keeps throwing things like this at us for a reason right?! That's what I keep telling myself. Thanks. I'm glad to hear my post helped you. I just repeated what I was told when I first posted here or what I learned from spending way too much time here How is living in the same house going? Your story made me so glad my ex stopped staying in the same house as me the next day. I don't know how you're doing it.
brneyedgrl Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Ugh... it's been tough and easy at the same time. Tough when I trip over his shoes, or have to go into the room he's banished himself to and notice the receipts from the bars he's been going to, it hurts. It seems as if he's fine while I've fallen into a depressive state. He works til 10pm though I hear him coming in at 2am and I wonder where he's been and with who? Is she more exciting than me? Is she making it easier for him to move on after 6 years? I'm a gorgeous 27 year old that can turn heads witht he best of them, I have with goals and a great sense of humor, so why is he leaving??? Why isn't he working on himself and our relatiohship with me? But the easy part is I can see the little things that drove me crazy that I no longer have to deal with. Such as him never helping me clean the house. Sure he put away dishes every now and then but never actually helped me clean. I had to point it out to him in order for him to say thank you for doing his laundry or color coding his f*ing t shirts i mean seriously who does that, lol? He never had any interest in making this apartment a home, I bought everything and decorated everything, he just came and went and said "hmm looks good". He never bought groceries. He lives like a 21 year old frat boy when I'm not cleaning up after him (he's 32). He has the worst hygiene. He only ever took Monday nights off. 1 night a week we got to spend time together unless I stayed up until 10:30 to welcome him home any other night which i then had to wake up at 5am for work. When he started asking for our 1 date night to turn into him going out to play basketball til all hours, it hurt. We have one night and he wanted to have "K" time. Of course I was upset and I let him know it. He could've gone out after work or weekend mornings, any other time but he wanted to use his night off for him and not us. Idk maybe I was being selfish? But I thought we were in this together and making compromises together, but he never made any. Sorry if this is long, it's one of those mornings!
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