OceanGirl Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 As you all know, I recently had a really good date with someone. We talked on the phone a lot before meeting so I think that helped too. Post date he texted me to say good night. This morning he texted me again to say that he liked some quote in my Facebook profile. This afternoon he called and we had a really nice chat. He told me some sweet things, like how just hearing my voice makes him happy and will get him through today's afternoon work shift. We originally planned to spend most of the Saturday together but he asked me today if I am free on Sunday too, to have some lunch and go shopping. This really made me happy and I told him so (I feel free to express my affection as he expresses his all the time). Now for my dilemma. Realistically, I have only had 1 date with this guy. I love his intensity, but we are not exclusive or anything. We have not even kissed! For all I know, he is dating 4 other girls. Tonight I was supposed to go on 1st date with someone else. I am so smitten with the first guy that I ended up canceling the date with guy #2(I actually re-scheduled it for next week just to keep that option open if things go wrong). On Wednesday, I am supposed to have a dinner with someone else (third guy). I am really tempted to cancel that too. Am I foolish for canceling all that based on 1 good date, plans for another and lots of contact? I feel like I am about to get hurt again by over-investing, yet I can't stop myself.
northern_sky Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yes, please don't cancel that stuff until you get to know this guy better. I don't want to worry you, but I'm a little concerned about this guy's interest level. It doesn't seem quite appropriate after only one date. I'm wondering if this might be a cultural difference, since you said he is originally from Europe. Just be careful . I'm not saying it's a red flag, but maintain reasonable expectations until you have more info on him. I am crossing my fingers for you.
Cracker Jack Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) I think it would be very foolish to cancel other dates at this point. Kinda early for that. It may seem nice with the guy now, but it doesn't mean it'll continue to be that way. You might even find someone better. There's no telling. That's why it's always best to keep your options open. Edited January 10, 2011 by Cracker Jack
utterer of lies Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I don't really agree with the advice to still go to other dates. Better would be to find out quickly if he's the right one, so make another date with him as soon as possible.
Kamille Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 If you have already agreed to both the weekend dates, go ahead with that plan. However, please remember to pace yourself. Please remember to make sure you keep having your on life so as to not over-invest in this guy. And by having your own life, I don't mean multi-dating (which you find emotionally tiring anyways) but spending time with your friends and doing activities that make you feel good. As to cancelling the dates, do what feels right to you. I have never multi-dated and could imagine that it gets confusing.
catgotyourtongue Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 As you all know, I recently had a really good date with someone. We talked on the phone a lot before meeting so I think that helped too. Post date he texted me to say good night. This morning he texted me again to say that he liked some quote in my Facebook profile. This afternoon he called and we had a really nice chat. He told me some sweet things, like how just hearing my voice makes him happy and will get him through today's afternoon work shift. We originally planned to spend most of the Saturday together but he asked me today if I am free on Sunday too, to have some lunch and go shopping. This really made me happy and I told him so (I feel free to express my affection as he expresses his all the time). Now for my dilemma. Realistically, I have only had 1 date with this guy. I love his intensity, but we are not exclusive or anything. We have not even kissed! For all I know, he is dating 4 other girls. Tonight I was supposed to go on 1st date with someone else. I am so smitten with the first guy that I ended up canceling the date with guy #2(I actually re-scheduled it for next week just to keep that option open if things go wrong). On Wednesday, I am supposed to have a dinner with someone else (third guy). I am really tempted to cancel that too. Am I foolish for canceling all that based on 1 good date, plans for another and lots of contact? I feel like I am about to get hurt again by over-investing, yet I can't stop myself. I would think nope, no need to cancel. You are just getting to know the guy you had one date with. As you know, things can change on a dime, and he may be dating others. I understand wanting to cancel the others, but perhaps if you keep them, you can gain better perspective on all of them and see who stands to be a good guy, or good for you. Nothing wrong with meeting a few different men for a first or second date and seeing what you see, feel. Also, the online dating world moves fast and furious, and what seems great one day, week, changes on a dime, or it has for me. I say have a few dates with others until you have atleast another date with this guy and feel out where he is. I have said before, I am not a fan of multi-dating for me, but I do think that meeting different men for a few first dates is cool and can be valuable to help you learn what you do and don't like and want. When I say I dont like multi-dating, I mean continued dating of several people at once for any lenght of time. For me if backfires...thats all. Enjoy and see what you see and good luck. If artist guy is all he is cracked up to be, he will keep impressing you and you will learn more and see. Give it a little time and good luck. Nice to have all kinds of options, really!
zengirl Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 If you cancelled the date because you wanted to, and whatever happens, you'll be fine, then it's not foolish. If you didn't, then it is. You need to act more independently of outside circumstances and other people.
xRJ85x Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 He told me some sweet things, like how just hearing my voice makes him happy and will get him through today's afternoon work shift. Damn, I wish I could say nice things like that to girls without worried about being clingy. Props to you, OC. As for your situation, its kinda based on personal preference. There's plenty of people of say "date as much as possible so you maximize your chances and don't get hooked on one guy too fast." On the other hand, there are some (like myself) that feel uncomfortable dating more than one person at once. Not so much for ourselves but for the other person. You're eventually gonna have to make a decision and blow off the others, and I just feel bad doing that. And especially as guys we are very competitive and protective (not to be taken out of context, hopefully you get the point), so we get pretty down if we go out with a girl a couple times that we like, but because we just weren't up to par with the other guy, we are dismissed. So personally, I would say it's OK blowing off the other date to save him time, money, and most importantly if he gets his hopes up after dates one or two. But it's based on how you feel towards others.
Recommended Posts