alexlakeman Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I always say focus, email specifically one someone you seem to have something in common, and send an email specific to that person, not mass emailing, and no generic "hi" emails..Send it as it is your last hope,lol.. Well, it's been a slow weekend just chilling at home for me, so I have been playing with Match since Thurs. I sent out, hmm, maybe 20 emails, favored another 20 or so for another time... I got 8 responses, that is almost a 50 % response rate.. out of the 8 responses, I got 3 phone numbers, and have spoke to one..If you add the one I talked to a week ago, that's 9 responses and four phone #s.. but we'll leave her out, as I am focusing on THIS weekend.. Here are some of the exact messages I sent to some of these women, so you get an idea... Each was specific to her profile... First one "I saw your profile earlier today and liked what I read.. I just tweaked my profile and you came up as 97% match, so I had to send you an email, hopefully you feel the 97% "match" , lol... I guess this is a wise way to save some $$, lol.. My screen name on match is "pepito"(not really, lol) , so you can take a look at it.. I like your profile, "if you have what it takes for me to remove this profile"... Never heard that one before, very bold, I like that.. I feel I bring the same qualities you do to the table. And most important, I appreciate them, I don't take things for granted..That together with chemistry when one meets are key to a potential relationship. Don't you agree? Well I look forward in hearing from you.. The pics on my profile are current and just as you "what you see is what you get".. profile says it all.. Have a good weekend.. Alex" Here is another one... "Happy Sat night! You definitely mention some key characteristics that are crucial for a relationship to flourish: good values, respect, love, time together.... all that plus chemistry is what completes a relationship in my book, it goes both ways.. Don't you agree? At our age, we definitely need no time wasters on either end.. I am definitely looking for a serious long term relationship.. Are you up to the challenge? I see you are in abc city.. That's awesome, I work in abc city, lol.. near a very popular intersection there, lol... I look forward in hearing from you. Alex BTW, are those pics current? If so, congrats, as you do not look the age you posted, unless that was a typo, lol.. THAT'S a compliment, ok? lol" and another... Hi, hey you live kinda far, but you have a nice profile and your pics certainly do NOT look the age you posted.. Do you ever travel down to abc city? (she's 2 hours away, not sure how she came up on my search, but she responded that she traveled down here frequently as her family is here,). alex and another with a phone number.. Beautiful day today here, right? It was nice weather, been outdoors all day, now getting a little cooler.. Only thing missing? A significant other to enjoy the day... Your profile caught my attention, not only b/c of the pictures and location, but you seem to be looking for the same things I am looking for; a potential significant other, with chemistry, as you said "to compliment each other".. We have great lives, but a s/o would be a nice addition, weather it's to spend time together, together with family and friends, or just chilling in this nice weather on a Saturday night by the lake... What do you think? Sounds realistic? You mention you love to cook... Funny thing today, I've been on the balcony in the afternoon just chilling by the water and could smell some neighbors' cooking, and I thought "how cool, the couple next door are just chilling out , cooking together, spending some quality time".. I guess those are the small things one misses out by not being in a relationship.. I look forward in hearing from you... xxxxxxxxx So there you have it.. hopefully that stirs your minds a little bit on what to email women / girls.. Keep in mind these are women in their 30's and low-mid 40's... so application might not suit an 18 yrs old, for example...but at least you have an idea.. Instead of BBQ you could say, "hanging out together at the book store", I don't know.. lol Any comments from the ladies as well?? Of the 3-4 phone numbers, I have only talked to one.. she's an airline pilot :bunny: ... so we'll see how that one goes..I'm sketchy on the pics, as there is one pic that is sketchy, so we'll see... As for the others? I'll probably call them, maybe not.. I still have one that we talked 2 weeks ago, that I wish I could call her back.. but, I'll start bitching and whining in a couple days that I can't afford to go on all these first dates, lol.. as I've been doing on here lately, lol.. The pilot I did mention, "having coffee" vs happy hour, so that will keep the $$ at a minimum.. I'll report back...
U1987 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Phone numbers are worthless until you've gone past first base.
northern_sky Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 no, this is how you do online dating: be intelligent be witty be good-looking don't be an ahole
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Phone numbers are worthless until you've gone past first base. I thought first base was kissing.. or is it a coping a feel of a boob.. What is first base?
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 be witty The biggest key to online dating success...
D-Lish Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 As a woman who did online dating for a long, long time- all I can tell you is that a message is secondary to the person's pictures. I would get a message, view the pics first- and if the pics passed, I'd read the message. I am also a woman in the age range you are discussing. I was often fine with a "hi, how are you" as a first attempt. The pics are the first thing I looked at. A suave message wasn't going to negate the presence of unattractive pics- but a good message in conjunction with good pics went a long way. Online dating is all about selling yourself- and your pics are the first marketing presence that could make or break you. A message with bad grammar, or a profile that is riddled with spelling mistakes and negativity isn't going to make a good impression no matter how good the pics are. It's about the whole package the person presents initially. My current guy, that I met online told me that he looked at my pics first, liked the pics- then read my profile and liked that I had nothing negative in the body of my profile. He said most women had a lundry list of what they didn't want and it was a turn off. So staying positive is key too. My guy had cute pics and a witty profile- which was a bonus.
northern_sky Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 As a woman who did online dating for a long, long time- all I can tell you is that a message is secondary to the person's pictures. I would get a message, view the pics first- and if the pics passed, I'd read the message. I am also a woman in the age range you are discussing. I was often fine with a "hi, how are you" as a first attempt. The pics are the first thing I looked at. A suave message wasn't going to negate the presence of unattractive pics- but a good message in conjunction with good pics went a long way. Online dating is all about selling yourself- and your pics are the first marketing presence that could make or break you. A message with bad grammar, or a profile that is riddled with spelling mistakes and negativity isn't going to make a good impression no matter how good the pics are. It's about the whole package the person presents initially. My current guy, that I met online told me that he looked at my pics first, liked the pics- then read my profile and liked that I had nothing negative in the body of my profile. He said most women had a lundry list of what they didn't want and it was a turn off. So staying positive is key too. Pictures just get you in the door, but sussing out a guy's intelligence and personality form his profile is actually a lot more imp to me.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I thought first base was kissing.. or is it a coping a feel of a boob.. What is first base? I think it's kissing, and in many cases it would benefit a person to have another person's phone number, you know, to arrange the particulars leading up to the opportunity for a kiss. But what do I know.
D-Lish Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Pictures just get you in the door, but sussing out a guy's intelligence and personality form his profile is actually a lot more imp to me. Agreed. I gave a green light to a pic many times, then went on to read a profile or a message riddled with bad grammar or spelling mistakes and just moved on. Online dating is such an arduous process...
Author alexlakeman Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Phone numbers are worthless until you've gone past first base. There's no rule book... I am a little too old to look at things a bases, lol.. But, you still need a phone number to get even close to your "bases", lol... How old are you?, haha... How many phone #'s did you obtain this weekend, just wondering? First base? OMG, when I was in 9th grade, lol... like I said you have to apply it to your age category.. The purpose of this thread just flew right over you; lol... xxxxxxxxxxxxxx I am also a woman in the age range you are discussing. I was often fine with a "hi, how are you" as a first attempt. The pics are the first thing I looked at. A suave message wasn't going to negate the presence of unattractive pics- but a good message in conjunction with good pics went a long way. Online dating is all about selling yourself- and your pics are the first marketing presence that could make or break you. A message with bad grammar, or a profile that is riddled with spelling mistakes and negativity isn't going to make a good impression no matter how good the pics are. It's about the whole package the person presents initially. . Yeah, of course the pictures are the first thing..no doubt.. but after the pic then what? An email with just "hi , how are you?" works for you on incoming emails? I feel its best that the woman notices that you read her complete profile and noticed the details, likes, dislikes, etc.. But , it's not black and white, like I said, it's what works for each person.. You still have to look at the profile, you can't just base it on a picture..
oaks Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 As for the others? I'll probably call them, maybe not.. You've put in the effort to get their numbers... why wouldn't you call them? Well done on your 40% response rate, and good luck converting that into good dates.
irc333 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 phsssh....if your response rate is THAT high, you must be good lookin' enough. I've sent emails very similar to what you wrote, only got little responses...I mean I get responses on occasion....but the "Rate" of responses probably 1 out of 20 to 30, I get an actual response. They just look at the picture, and if you don't get past that, they don't even read the profile/email. OH, they probably check the height, too.
irc333 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 and good luck converting that into good dates. Yeah, I FINALLY got a response earlier LAST week...we've been talking back and forth a few lengthly emails, then I asked about talking on the phone. She said something like 'I don't like to give out my # to someone I haven't met yet" And I said, "Wait? You won't even talk to someone on the phone before meeting for a first date?" And she said, "Nope, had a bad experience" And I said, "Well, I usually have a policy of not meeting someone from a dating site, unless I talk to them verbally" She compromised and said "Well, how about you give me your number and I call you?" So, I was okay with that, so I gave her my #. Then she asks me when is a good time to call me.....and I said the next day after 8pm or something. She emailed me after getting that message, but she got in at around midnight that night, so wasn't able to call me...so we made arrangements to try it again. Still heard nothing, so I emailed her .......no response....I can actually view the "X amount of hours that she was last online" After seeing that she's been signing in and out of the website and her not responding to my email, I sent her another email. That crap irritates me.....I wonder if she knows that I know I can when she was last logged on. So that's typical with the women I meet online, when you DO get a response, GOOD LUCK trying to get a coffee date with her. LOL You'll be pulling teeth or playing "email tag". They all of a sudden get cold feet or something Another red flag that went up, she said she's been on the dating site for 6 months, but has only had one coffee date. So that says something about her dating frequency. Slim to none, she probably blows off guys all the time. Also, I am hearing I'm not the only one, seems people like to make online dating a game....lead people on, make dates, and then CANCEL a the last min. I have a female friend, apparently she was getting her nails done for the date, she gets a TEXT from a guy saying he can't make it. She is fuming mad, and texts him back, "I'm sorry, but if you make a date you KEEP IT!" Then she signs back onto the dating site they met, and SEES him SIGNED-IN to the site. So the dumbass is sitting there on the website, when they could've been on the date. It seems people have this "Issue" of making online dating a "game", or the addiction or thrill of the chase is what matters most....once you get to "that point" of arranging to meet......it takes the fun out of it.
tb24 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I've only been doing the whole online dating thing for about 2 weeks but, I have so far found longer messages to be utterly useless. Since switching to shorter messages (a few sentences max) focussing on one topic I've had far more responses. I guess it's because she doesn't feel the need to invest the time in writing an equally long message back. Plus it's more conversation-like. One thing I've had more luck with is girls messaging me first (4 so far!). I created a quite unique profile which seems to go down well. Not been on a date yet though, but it's only been 2 weeks
OceanGirl Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I take a combination of pics and profile in consideration when deciding if I should respond. Great pics + average profile = response Great pics + bad profile (poor grammar, poor content) = no response Great pics + great profile = win Average pics + average profile = no response Average pics + bad profile = hell no Average pics + great profile = response Bad pics = don't look at the profile at all = no response By great profile I mean witty, intelligent, different...
SunsetRed Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Actually, for some reason, I've had better luck with the guys who just write Hi, how are you. Some of the guys who wrote me long messages, describing their hobbies and what they were looking for ended up being full of BS. At least I know not to expect a lot from a guy who writes simply, how are you.
sumdude Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) I take a combination of pics and profile in consideration when deciding if I should respond. Great pics + average profile = response Great pics + bad profile (poor grammar, poor content) = no response Great pics + great profile = win Average pics + average profile = no response Average pics + bad profile = hell no Average pics + great profile = response Bad pics = don't look at the profile at all = no response By great profile I mean witty, intelligent, different... There's a good honest response. I'll never forget what I learned from a grizzly old Italian I used to work for years ago in retail. "People buy with their eyes." You don't have to be Clooney or Pitt but make the best of what you have. Online dating is almost all about the pics. An especially attractive person can get away with lower quality photos, most have to put in some extra effort. Edited January 10, 2011 by sumdude
Author alexlakeman Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 You've put in the effort to get their numbers... why wouldn't you call them? Well done on your 40% response rate, and good luck converting that into good dates. As alwasy, cash flow, I can't go out with all of them. And you are right even when we talk they don't all turn to dates. Either I don't feel that fuzzy feeling or they don't feel it. phsssh....if your response rate is THAT high, you must be good lookin' enough. They just look at the picture, and if you don't get past that, they don't even read the profile/email. I'm just avg looking as my profile pic indicates
irc333 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 hmmm....think it might be "location, location, location"? As alwasy, cash flow, I can't go out with all of them. And you are right even when we talk they don't all turn to dates. Either I don't feel that fuzzy feeling or they don't feel it. I'm just avg looking as my profile pic indicates
tigressA Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I take a combination of pics and profile in consideration when deciding if I should respond. Great pics + average profile = response Great pics + bad profile (poor grammar, poor content) = no response Great pics + great profile = win Average pics + average profile = no response Average pics + bad profile = hell no Average pics + great profile = response Bad pics = don't look at the profile at all = no response By great profile I mean witty, intelligent, different... This. This, this, this. BUT: If the guy has great pics + average/great profile and sends me a total cop-out message like "Hey, how are you?", "What's up?", or one of those short paragraphs that looks really formulaic and like he sent it to 20 other girls--no response.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I would add that it's okay to compliment a pretty woman in that initial email. Don't just say, "I like your profile pic." You can say "Wow, I really liked your smile and found out we have something in common, too" or "You look really beautiful in your profile pic, and I like that we are both interested in X, too." In other words, don't just mention you read her profile, but mention what attracted you to her in the first place. It could be her eyes or something about her personality. Let her know that you saw her. And, no, you don't want to mention cleavage. Just thought this could be something different to try if you wanna.
sumdude Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 This. This, this, this. BUT: If the guy has great pics + average/great profile and sends me a total cop-out message like "Hey, how are you?", "What's up?", or one of those short paragraphs that looks really formulaic and like he sent it to 20 other girls--no response. So define great pecs.. I mean great pics. Are we talking pure physical attractiveness or is there more to it? Such as the actual quality of the photos, what he's doing in the shot etc etc or just looks?
tigressA Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 So define great pecs.. I mean great pics. Are we talking pure physical attractiveness or is there more to it? Such as the actual quality of the photos, what he's doing in the shot etc etc or just looks? There's definitely more to it. I sometimes see really grainy/otherwise poor quality photos and I think, "Uh, no." Other turn-offs: --Shirtless, unless he's at the beach --Girls who don't appear to be related to him --No full-body pics --Any babies/kids who aren't theirs --Posing next to their car/bike/boat/whatever else thinking they're hot s*it just because they own one
sumdude Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 There's definitely more to it. I sometimes see really grainy/otherwise poor quality photos and I think, "Uh, no." Other turn-offs: --Shirtless, unless he's at the beach --Girls who don't appear to be related to him --No full-body pics --Any babies/kids who aren't theirs --Posing next to their car/bike/boat/whatever else thinking they're hot s*it just because they own one Hmmm... interesting. I had one pic up of me on my boat with some friends. Thing is it's one of the things I really enjoy doing so I assumed it would show a fun part of my life that I like to share. I like to show myself in my element. Have another shot of me playing guitar which is another huge part of my life. Personally I get tired of seeing all the super posed shots. Always the one of the super made up girl in the bridesmaids dress or dressed for a black tie dinner. Or the obvious professional studio photos which are unreal. Of course the always obligatory travel shots with some ancient ruins or palm trees in the background. Get kind of old to me.
tigressA Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Hmmm... interesting. I had one pic up of me on my boat with some friends. Thing is it's one of the things I really enjoy doing so I assumed it would show a fun part of my life that I like to share. I like to show myself in my element. Have another shot of me playing guitar which is another huge part of my life. I like seeing those pictures--making it obvious that it's about something that you really like to do. It's also good to have mentions of those things in your profile as well. If you're just posing next to your boat like "Hey, look at me! I have a boat!" that's a turn-off.
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