mike04 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 1st date was incredible. It was originally supposed to be a get-to-know-eachother coffee date but we kept going to different places and we were together for 6 hours. I went to kiss her because it felt right and she backed away. She was honest and told me that she doesn't kiss guys when she first meets them to protect herself and she apologized for not telling me sooner. This didn't end the date because it was ending anyway. I mentioned that we should do lunch again and dropped her off at her car. I waited a couple days and asked her out again. 2nd date I was running about 5 minutes late and she almost left because she only had a certain amount of time to hang out and wasn't sure how close I was. Luckily I stopped her and apologized about it. We had lunch and she ended up inviting me to what she had to do. We spent another 6 hours together. I respected her space by limiting my compliments and not trying to kiss her, even though we were basically alone the whole time. I told her she looked beautiful and she blushed but didn't really say anything back so I backed off and changed the subject. Now, obviously she likes me because we hung out for so long on each date. It's the day after the 2nd date. She doesn't text me very often and I think she may just be shy. I really like her and I'm a little stuck on whats best for moving forward, so I'm going to ask a couple questions and hope I get a good response: 1) Should I text her, not asking her out, but just saying something nice? Something like "Hope you had a great day" and mention something about one of her interests. 2) Should I wait a day or 2 and then ask her out again? I've heard from a mutual friend that she doesn't particularly like it when guys do the "3 day wait" thing, but I don't know that for sure. As for the first kiss... 3) I wrote down something very sweet/honest to say before going for it, but maybe it's too early for this particular girl. Should I just say it and go for it on date #3? 4) Or should I wait, keeping a slow,steady stream of compliments and see if she ever opens up more then go for it? Thanks in advance and make fun of me if you want I really like this girl she is so cute I almost melt when she smiles at me
Jazzari Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I love getting an "after date message" that says you had a good time. Her response to that may give you a clue as to when to ask her out again. As for the kiss, I think it all depends on her. If she seems open to it, go for it. If not, I wouldn't push.
ivalm Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Ooh, I wish you best of luck! First, stop texting, start calling. Seriously, the only reason I see for texting is if you are not confident in yourself and feel you'd get awkward talking with her. But that's a bad thing that you need to get over; clearly you're interesting enough to spend *2* 6 hour dates with. I think she likes you, you like her, you don't need to wait for many days. Figure out an *interesting* thing for you two to do and call her, call her sooner rather than later because I would imagine that guys who religiously follow 3 days rules look inauthentic. I mean, girls *KNOW* about the 3 day rule. Also, it seems to me that what you want is a relationship rather than a fling, so most PUA rules don't even apply.
Author mike04 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Ooh, I wish you best of luck! First, stop texting, start calling. Seriously, the only reason I see for texting is if you are not confident in yourself and feel you'd get awkward talking with her. But that's a bad thing that you need to get over; clearly you're interesting enough to spend *2* 6 hour dates with. I think she likes you, you like her, you don't need to wait for many days. Figure out an *interesting* thing for you two to do and call her, call her sooner rather than later because I would imagine that guys who religiously follow 3 days rules look inauthentic. I mean, girls *KNOW* about the 3 day rule. Also, it seems to me that what you want is a relationship rather than a fling, so most PUA rules don't even apply. you bring up some good points. after reading my own post I realized that there probably isn't any harm in texting her once/day at least. i texted her tonight and she responded very quickly. i have no problem talking on the phone so I'll call and ask her out tomorrow possibly. However, I've gone too quickly with girls in the past that ruined things and that makes me second guess everything I do. I think this girl might be different and she quite possibly is anxiously waiting for me to ask her out again.
OceanGirl Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I definitely recommend calling instead of texting. I never thought that I was a phone person, but the new guy I just started dating has called me every day now for the last 2 weeks or so... I am so happy to hear from him and it helps bring us closer rather than impersonal texts. Every 20-30 minute phone call is almost like a mini-date. Basically, if she likes you, she will be thrilled to hear from you every day. I know that if I like a guy and then don't hear from him for a few days, I start feeling disconnected and am much more likely to consider other options.
Author mike04 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 UPDATE Well I gave her a call. She was in bed sick but talked to me for a little while. I told her that I hope she gets better soon and talked about how I wanted to take her to her favorite candy store. Anyway, that night. I get the following text: "hey I think we should keep things as friends. ur a great person but i think it would be awkward if things didnt work out cause we know some of the same people" I gave her an honest response about how I disagree and think she should really think about it. We do have mutual friends. Her best friend has been dating a great friend of mine for about 3 years. I've known her best friend for a long time but I haven't met this girl until recently. I really don't hang out with them that often, due to myself being very busy and my buddy being very busy. I'm pretty crushed by this. She could be using this mutual friend thing as an excuse to let me down easy, when really she just met someone else. She met a guy at a club on thursday and talked about dancing with him but I didn't think much of it because she was very open about it. She doesn't go to clubs often and it was a girl's night out thing for a friend's birthday. It's been about 4 days since then and my guess is that she got a call/txt from him last night. He's probably one of those pricks seeing 5 or 6 girls at a time and only wants her for whats in her pants. And I know how much more "interesting" those guys are than nice guys like myself. Well, I plan on waiting a couple days and giving her a call. I may give in and agree to be friends with her and wait for this guy to hurt her, if that is what is going on. Or... maybe I'll just speak my mind and perhaps lose her as a friend. Anyway I'd like some input on this. I did nothing wrong and I am sick of tired of being hurt for being the nice guy
ReadyforLove Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 From your original post, I did not get that the two of you were even "friends" on that note, don't be a nuisance, do not call her in a couple of days unless you want her to send you straight to voicemail. She has already told you that she is not interested in you romantically. You do NOT want to be friends with this girl, you simply want to wait in the wings and hope she picks you as her plan B. Do you really want to be someone's second choice? Keep it moving and find a girl who wants the same things that you want.
Nukulus Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 To be perfectly honest I'm surprised you didn't see this coming... I most likely would have bounced after her dodging the kiss on the first date... Why? Because her excuse is ****... To protect her self from what? It's not like you were trying to instigate a full on make out session while she was drunk with the hopes of getting in her pants. Anyways, had she felt the same way about you, she would have kissed you. The other clue was her getting ready to bounce after you being 5 minutes late (I'm assuming here you let her know you were running a couple minutes late). My point is if she had liked you or were interested she would have given you a chance. Her excuse about making it awkward with friends is bullcrap. Write her off, don't be friends, and only communicate with her when you have to (i.e. if your entire group of friends are all out or something). Other than that ignore her.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 OP, how much physical was happening throughout these 12 hours you two were out. you mentioned trying to kiss her. her pulling back is a big tell. her offering that she doesn't kiss on the first date (bs) is causing me to wonder how prepped she was for that. can you recount for us. hand touching, touching her to illustrate points, flirty games played (thumb war, hot hands) brushing imaginary eye lashes away, holding hands (even if only for seconds) , etc.? I'm more interested in the touching you implemented during date 1.
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