xRJ85x Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 A couple on here helped me out with this situation, I'm hoping for some more as I need it more than ever haha. I went on a first date with this amazing girl a month ago (actually, exactly one month tomorrow). Everything went perfect, date went well beyond what I expected (stayed out til early morning, made out all night at her place). And so started a constant string of headaches from canceled dates and I now know that the holidays are the WORST time to date. Bare with me here please lol... I called her a couple days later to plan a second date. Unfortunately, she barely checks her voicemails, and apologized sincerely that she didn't get my message when I followed up with a text at the end of that weekend. She was going home that Wednesday morning, but we planned a date for Tuesday instead. Unfortunately, her friend who was driving her home (she doesn't have a car) suddenly wanted to leave the night before. So she had to cancel our date. I was upset because I thought that would be the end, but not only did she say she would get back to me when she got back, but she texted me Merry Christmas AND called me on Christmas to chat. So I felt back on top. She came back a week later, and I gave her a day or two to settle back in then texted her to see if she still had no New Year's plans. Unfortunately she had just planned them, so we didn't get a chance to be together then. No biggie, because she replied that we definitely needed to do something soon, and when I texted her at midnight joking about her at least giving me a kiss through the phone, she laughed and obliged. So last weekend past and I tried again at the beginning of this week. Everything was set, until I got a dreaded text that she had the flu. She said she really wanted to go, but if she didn't feel better the next day, she'd have to cancel. Which she did, but she did hold off until late in the day to see if she would've gotten better. She also said "Odds haven't been on our side lol" I said no problem and that her getting better was more important, and added that "yea we haven't had luck, but you're worth it! haha" to which she thought was "sweet." Tomorrow is not only one month since I saw her, but it's also her birthday (which she loved that I remembered when we talked about it over Christmas). I want to say something, and want to ask her out again this time for her bday. But due to the fact that we've been all text, and I haven't been able to have any fun or create anymore attraction with her, I feel the pressure to say something extra funny and clever this time because I'm afraid she's gonna actually start losing interest. It's amazing that I've lasted this long. Any advice on anything in this situation? I'd also like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to the guys who give up so easily, who said "just move on, she's letting you down easy." I've made it at least this far.
Confusedalways Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Everyone is going to tell you to CALL HER. But I digress- if you're stuck on the texting thing, you need to come up with doing X on Y day at Z time. On a related note I feel it's important to tell you that this girl doesn't really sound interested fully. It seems like you're on your back burner. If a guy I liked asked me out for new years, I'd be stoked and find SOME WAY to spend time with him that night, or invite him along to my plans. She sounds JUST like me talking to this guy who was always second best in my book- always would tell him he's "cute", "sweet" and was very flirty- but I always made excuses to not hang out when push came to shove, because I just wasn't that interested. I'm curious if she's ever counter offered a day to you? It just seems far fetched that she'd be interested in you and yet manage to not see you for an entire month. All that aside- if she is interested or not- what you say over text isn't going to change that. She obviously has an opinion one way or another as it is- being funny or not isn't really going to make a difference. I suggest something straight forward... "I'd really like to take your out for your birthday, on Tuesday night at 8pm @ ____" ps: I do think you should do this over the phone- it will make it more difficult for her to come up with an excuse (if that's what she's trying to do) or accept. Be ready to be straight forward "if tuesday doesn't work, why don't you let me know which night will work best for you? I'd really like to see you."
ivalm Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Call her. If you talk to her you'll get a more truthful answer. Generally, I dislike texting with girls I'm interested in.. I want to hear their voice, their intonation.. it's just gives a better gauge on their interest.
Author xRJ85x Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) Thanks guys. First off, its funny with this girl. I do always call her first but she makes me feel awkward about it because she's so busy she never picks up. She's always texting me back. And as I mentioned she never sees her voicemails. I thought this was a bad sign but my friends that I talked to said don't worry she'll get back to you. Sure enough, she did. So I've just assumed text is the best way. CA, the second thing is her interest. The problem is the things she had to cancel our dates for were pretty legit. She couldn't blow off her ride home to go out with me, she had already dropped big money on a hotel for new years (and the reason she didn't invite me was cuz I told her I had other parties I was gonna go to, the only reason I asked was cuz I wanted to see if she still had no plans and was thinking of stuff for us, which she also said she "aww you're sweet :)") And then she obviously couldn't go out if she had the flu. As I mentioned, she rescheduled the first time she had to cancel for the first date, the second was keeping in contact with a call on christmas, and the third was saying after new years plans couldn't work that "we def had to do something soon." And obviously she held onto that cuz she agreed to the date from this past weekend. So I'm not questioning her interest as much as I'm worried about maintaining some. Edited January 10, 2011 by xRJ85x
Author xRJ85x Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) ^^^^^ BRUTAL, BRUTAL mistake. This broad has you jumping thru hoops. You're like one of those monkeys and she's the organ grinder. Call her on Wednesday and say, "I'm going to so and so bar on Thursday night, meet me for drinks." Then see if she can make it or not. If not, then say I'm busy Saturday, but how about the weekend, Sunday for coffee? If not, wait a week and try again. If still nothing then I'm afraid her interest is low. ??? Hardly jumping through hoops at all. You make it sound as if she's actually playing me. Which if it is the case then she's leaving no contrete evidence of. I haven't shown the slightest sign of clinginess. She's canceled these dates, and I simply say ok, to which she says "some other time" and I'll wait a few days before trying again. I don't beg for another date on the spot. And I haven't initiated any small talk between. And the whole "I'm going to so and so, meet me there" thing that's popular with some guys had two problems: A) you're either saying you're going alone, which as for a bar isn't going to project off a girl very well, or you're meeting friends and want her to tag along, which essentially isn't a date. I also can't just plan a date on the spot with this girl, she lives in NYC 40 mins away and is extremely busy. Edited January 10, 2011 by xRJ85x
Confusedalways Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 CA, the second thing is her interest. The problem is the things she had to cancel our dates for were pretty legit. She couldn't blow off her ride home to go out with me, she had already dropped big money on a hotel for new years (and the reason she didn't invite me was cuz I told her I had other parties I was gonna go to, the only reason I asked was cuz I wanted to see if she still had no plans and was thinking of stuff for us, which she also said she "aww you're sweet :)") And then she obviously couldn't go out if she had the flu. As I mentioned, she rescheduled the first time she had to cancel for the first date, the second was keeping in contact with a call on christmas, and the third was saying after new years plans couldn't work that "we def had to do something soon." And obviously she held onto that cuz she agreed to the date from this past weekend. So I'm not questioning her interest as much as I'm worried about maintaining some. Ok I'm glad you're sure of her interest-- in that case, it won't matter WHAT you text, she will just be glad you're asking her out. I promise! Just do it soon!
Author xRJ85x Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Ok I'm glad you're sure of her interest-- in that case, it won't matter WHAT you text, she will just be glad you're asking her out. I promise! Just do it soon! That's good to know. I was talking with one of my friends last night about how I shouldn't be worrying like this because honestly she shouldn't be expecting to develop anymore attraction yet simply because we haven't been together in person, right? I mean, she's not dumb and is actually pretty mature. I have to say something today because, as I mentioned, it's her birthday and I wanna take her out sometime for it. Thanks again, CA!
refurb Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I would try to setup one more date and if it doesn't work out, I would stop trying as there are two explanations: 1. She's not that interested. 2. She's not available for the type of relationship you want. Neither one sounds all that great, does it? RF
Yvette_Sveden Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Something about this doesn't sound right. I also think that she has you going through hoops or something like that. If that's the case, then why would she leave concrete evidence of it? She would not want to let you down so brutally if she's actually not interested in you. She'll have to let you down ever so lightly. I also think that what "Confused as always" said in her first post in this topic was on point. The times when she keeps telling you that you're this sweet guy could be designed to get your hopes up under the false promise that she will meet you one night. Girls love the male attention. I certainly do. You could very well be this sweet guy, but it's something one might tell a little child when he does something cute. It's cute and umm...nice , but that's all it is. I hope I'm proven wrong here. I hope you can come back in here and rub it in my face about how wrong I was and how she was interested in you. But my gut tells me that she's all that into you. And how sure are you that she doesn't check her voicemails? That seems a bit funny to me too. Hope you can share with us how the rest of the story goes. Wishing her a happy birthday is a great way to start. Yvette from Sweden
Imajerk17 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Cripes. Just call her on her birthday. Call Her (don't text). Wish her a happy birthday, that's it.
Emilia Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 she is letting you down easily, she hasn't initiated a single date and it looks like she barely initiates any contact. call her by all means but my guess it's that she is a flake
Recommended Posts