KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Breakup story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t260164/ Day 0, 6:35pm EST: It's been only 5 hours, roughly of NC. It hurts a lot, and I'm constantly thinking about calling her. But I haven't, and I'm really trying not to. I've deleted her number from my phone, and deleted her from facebook. Unfortunately I remember her phone number by heart. The fact that it was a LDR makes it a little easier as far as mutual friends go, and the fact that I won't randomly run into her. But I could still use that hug.
joolstearsuk Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hi I know how you feel...I said something so stupid to my now ex in the heat of the moment.....that he has broke all contact with me, I know I hurt him, but I can't apologise cos he won't let me near him..it's been 3 days and I feel like my life has been turned upside down, I don't eat, I don't sleep and if I could turn back time, I would, but I can't....so I cry...and cry..... Take a hug from me...cos I sure need one too.....we will be ok .....I hope ....it's just early days.........xx
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Day 0, 8:40pm EST: Still only been a handful of hours. I know that at this time she has put her kids to bed, and is probably talking to the other guy. The pain hurts. I want to call her or text her, just so that her focus is on me. But what would that accomplish? Can I really trust her again? I am better than that, and I deserve better than her. We never know what the future brings. Perhaps years from now, she and I will be together again. But in order for that to happen, she has to become a better person. I deserve better than what she became. [Hugs to Joolstearsuk]
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Day 1, 7:23pm EST Woke up to a number of texts this morning. Part of me wished it was her. But those are empty hopes. I need to keep reminding myself that she's no better than she was a couple days ago. And if she were to come back now, we'd have the same problems.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Day 1, 9:26pm EST I'm writing quite often here. It does help. Unfortunately I'm feeling the pull to contact her more and more. A friend of mine made the mistake of telling me something that was posted on her wall. The new "interest" she has made a comment about winning her affection. The friend told me out of disgust and then told me that she unfriended my ex. It's very hard to cope. I know I'm better off, but it's very very difficult. Yesterday I cried quite a bit. Today, I think I'm going to end up crying some, but not as much. Before we broke contact, she told me she sent a package my way containing all my clothes that I left at her house. So I am expecting that, and that will probably be difficult. Last night I went into my car and found her scarf and a couple CDs that I made for us. I took her scarf and held it in my hand for a few moments, reminiscing. I smelled it. It didn't smell like her; it was in my car for too long I suppose. I still can't believe it's over. But I need to stay strong and not break NC.
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I still can't believe it's over. But I need to stay strong and not break NC. No matter what happens. Stick to NC. Nothing good will come from breaking it. Trust me .
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Day 1, 10:00am EST Note: Last two posts were supposed to be listed as AM, not PM. She contacted me via Facebook to tell me that I still had something in my About Me section. You see, we had eachother's Facebook passwords when we were dating. We would log in and edit eachother's About Me section or our random boxes with love notes without the other person knowing. I apparently didn't notice this one. I read the PM, deleted the note, and deleted the PM without responding.
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Like you had something about the relationship? or she wrote it out? My ex did the same with my profile.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Like you had something about the relationship? or she wrote it out? My ex did the same with my profile. She would write "I love you Ken!" and stuff into my profile randomly.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 About two weeks ago before we broke up. I just never noticed it.
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 ahh. I'm guessing she wanted you to change it or something. Oh well.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Day 1, 1:21pm EST Had another break down today. Cried for a bit. Why did she do this? I know it's only been a few days since the breakup and one day since NC, but I can't stand this. These feelings absolutely tear me up.
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I know it's hard man. come on here and cry and vent, but don't break NC!!
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Day 1, 3:05pm EST She signed onto AIM for an hour. One hour. She does not like AIM and only ever used it to talk to me when Facebook chat was acting up, or so we could do webcam when we were going to be away from eachother for a longer period of time. So why did she sign on to AIM? Her new guy doesn't use AIM (I know this because I was sort of friends with him as well before all this happened). She's also been making comments on mutual friends' Facebook updates after I like or comment on them. Is she trying to bait me to break NC?
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 It means nothing. Don't look into it. She may be trying to make you break NC, but your better than that.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 I'm not breaking NC although the temptation is there, heavily. I haven't come far, but the first few days of NC are the worst, and I'd rather not lose what progress I've made, even if it is very little. I'll try not to think about it, but it certainly confused me.
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 yes it is confusing to you. You're very strong for sticking to it!! Good job!
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Day 1, 4:51pm EST I have made plans to visit my friend in Connecticut on Thursday until Sunday to get my mind off things. This should be a good time. Tomorrow night my ex will be going on a date with this new guy. She made sure to tell me this before we broke up. She said it was to "see how things go" as she has those "feelings" for him. Nonetheless, tomorrow is going to suck in that regard. Any time I think about calling my ex, I pull up a notepad. In this notepad, I have written one thing that I did not like about her for every time I decided to call her. Reading things that I didn't like about her as well as adding to the list really turns me off of talking to her. I suggest this method to other people as well.
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I like the note book idea. whatever helps you.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Day 2, 8:08am EST The urge to call her is still strong, though I know I shouldn't. If she tries to contact me though, I'm not so sure I could resist talking. Tonight is the night she has that date with the other guy. I have an old friend coming over to hang out to keep my mind off things.
Leandro Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 That's good that you have a friend coming over. Don't break it man. Trust me, nothing good will come from it. If she does contact you just ignore it. Stay strong.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Day 2, 3:19pm EST I broke NC today, but not because I missed her. We both agreed when we went NC that if anything tragic were to happen, as much as we both want to move on, we had the option of talking to eachother. Knowing that she still cares, I contacted her today after a doctor's appointment (I won't go into details here, but it is relatively serious). She was very glad that I did. She admitted to me that NC was hard and she misses talking to me, but understands the necessity of it. She helped calm me down about this condition. We then agreed to go back on NC, and I would keep her updated on whats going on through mutual friends. I don't think it set me back any, honestly. I don't feel any worse off. I just have to keep moving.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Day 2, 6:21pm EST She's either getting ready to go out with the new guy or is already out with him right now. I find that it still pains me a little bit, but I care less than I did yesterday. She and I aren't right for eachother right now, and perhaps we won't be ever again. That's something that I've accepted now. I've also realized that I do not miss her personally. What I miss is some of her physical features. No, not perverse like. I do miss her eyes and her hair. And her smile. And I miss the idea of having a girlfriend. But even if she wanted to come back, she would not be allowed. She has to improve herself to be worthy of a relationship with me again.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Day 3, 12:56am EST: I used to be friends with the dude my ex is seeing currently, and apparently Facebook still wants us to be. I was for some reason getting his status updates today while I was away, all in my feed, despite having deleted him. I came back and read them. One of his status updates was about naming her boobs. That might have been a major setback in how I feel about everything.
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