Stalking

[pureinheart]

Sorry, wrong answer...

 

That is akin to you addressing an envelope, licking a stamp, and sending your detailed credit card information to the credit card fraud perp across town.

 

Hey, I won't argue... YOU have every right to do so... but you can't call it "stalking" or cite him for stealing your credit card info once you send it his way.

 

I guess we will agree to disagree, and I do see what you are saying and to me you are saying to be careful because there are crazies out there and to take precaution. I do do that.

 

I personally had a much more entailed form of stalking in which there were multiple parties involved, and many methods used and in inference of bodily harm...that was uncool and needed to be dealt with in some manor. Also it was much more involved, although that would be TMI and I am not at liberty to communicate those things.

 

Really, in many forms we put our info out there, it could happen to anyone at anytime...it's difficult to be totally secure in all areas...

[pureinheart]

Ummm....I would venture to say that most people don't think that way about FB. I'm going to leave it at that.

 

Do any of you remember the poster over a year ago who said both M, found an online guy who was M & set up a date? I don't even think she had sex, cuz she scared him so he backed off. She then FREAKED, told his wife, feel in love & was posting scary stuff here about what she was doing to destroy a guy she didn't know. Anything we said, she'd then jump all over us saying "if I hurt myself, it's because of your response". I actually told her to print out the whole thread & immediately take it to a professional, it scared me.

 

This forum has been great for me, since no one in my real life knows what's going on. I do think there's situations that call for professional help though. Really, we could all use therapy, but so far this board has been enough to see my situation clearly & back off.

 

No one here has been an advocate of hunt them down. It's mostly been support to try & detach & move on. You can't force someone to love & choose you.

 

I don't remember that particular poster, I bet that was a difficult one to deal with. That is really sad. You gave her the correct advice.

 

That must be really hard Heather not to have anyone to talk to about various situations. I don't talk about my life to many, and mainly listen to my friends and what they are dealing with...so with that am glad LS was here for you:)

 

I agree with the therapy:), I am under some intense therapy right now...so that coupled with LS, it's helping:).

 

Oh no, I have never heard of anyone advising harm to anyone ever...the most that is ever said it to tell the BS and that's priddy much it...personally have too much to do at home and don't have time to track anyone down for any reason, God does a much better job anyway.

[OWoman]

I would like all imput from those that think they have been stalked or have been...OM/OW/BS/MP/BF/GF/F....information to those that lack it so it will recognised if/when it happens.

 

I've had a few encounters with stalkers during my life, but one which is relevant here. During the A, my (then)MM was supervising a woman of his own age who had a major crush on him. Because our R wasn't hidden and all of his colleagues knew about us, she knew who I was. She started leaving obscene comments on my work blog, and sent "anonymous" emails to my H and I, threatening to tell his BW about the A. She also sent nasty emails to his BW, telling her she deserved that her H was cheating on her and insulting her in many ways. She became quite obsessed with me, and also sent him long emails dissing me and commenting on my life in a million negative ways (if I featured in the corporate newsletter because of a work achievement, she'd turn that into some twisted comment about how I must have clawed out other people's eyes to achieve it; if I had a piece of writing published she'd twist it into some comment about how I was treating him like dirt - she didn't even understand the language I was writing in, or the notion of "fiction"; she was convinced I was using him to get a foreign passport and that I was after his money and that I was going to destroy him and all that was dear to him...) She was very disturbed, and very delusional. Because of his professional dealings with her, he couldn't block her entirely, but he did put in writing to her to back off, very clearly, which she ignored.

 

She was, however, not as clever as she thought - her "anonymous" emails and her blog comments and various other "anonymous" missives were traceable through her IP number and I told her I was going to lay charges AND report her to her employers (she was using their computer, their email account and their infrastructure for her cyberstalking, which was against their policies; and her behaviour was technically criminal. She would have lost her job and her reputation would have been irreparably damaged in what is quite a small field) and she backed off from directly harassing me - complaining to my H that I was "threatening" her .

 

When she heard he was getting a D, she thought she was in with a chance - she was convinced he was her soulmate and that I was some interloper - and he once again had to tell her to back off. She mostly goes away, but surfaces from time to time at conferences, where she tails him like a shadow and creates awful scenes, bursting into hysterical tears if he ignores her and the like; or emails him for references or other work-related pretexts now and then... She even followed us overseas once, leaving messages for him at the hotel to contact her (which he ignored). I've never physically met her - she's scared of me, and no doubt with good reason.

 

Nobody needs this kind of **** in their lives...

[pureinheart]

I've had a few encounters with stalkers during my life, but one which is relevant here. During the A, my (then)MM was supervising a woman of his own age who had a major crush on him. Because our R wasn't hidden and all of his colleagues knew about us, she knew who I was. She started leaving obscene comments on my work blog, and sent "anonymous" emails to my H and I, threatening to tell his BW about the A. She also sent nasty emails to his BW, telling her she deserved that her H was cheating on her and insulting her in many ways. She became quite obsessed with me, and also sent him long emails dissing me and commenting on my life in a million negative ways (if I featured in the corporate newsletter because of a work achievement, she'd turn that into some twisted comment about how I must have clawed out other people's eyes to achieve it; if I had a piece of writing published she'd twist it into some comment about how I was treating him like dirt - she didn't even understand the language I was writing in, or the notion of "fiction"; she was convinced I was using him to get a foreign passport and that I was after his money and that I was going to destroy him and all that was dear to him...) She was very disturbed, and very delusional. Because of his professional dealings with her, he couldn't block her entirely, but he did put in writing to her to back off, very clearly, which she ignored.

 

She was, however, not as clever as she thought - her "anonymous" emails and her blog comments and various other "anonymous" missives were traceable through her IP number and I told her I was going to lay charges AND report her to her employers (she was using their computer, their email account and their infrastructure for her cyberstalking, which was against their policies; and her behaviour was technically criminal. She would have lost her job and her reputation would have been irreparably damaged in what is quite a small field) and she backed off from directly harassing me - complaining to my H that I was "threatening" her .

 

When she heard he was getting a D, she thought she was in with a chance - she was convinced he was her soulmate and that I was some interloper - and he once again had to tell her to back off. She mostly goes away, but surfaces from time to time at conferences, where she tails him like a shadow and creates awful scenes, bursting into hysterical tears if he ignores her and the like; or emails him for references or other work-related pretexts now and then... She even followed us overseas once, leaving messages for him at the hotel to contact her (which he ignored). I've never physically met her - she's scared of me, and no doubt with good reason.

 

Nobody needs this kind of **** in their lives...

 

This is absolutely horrid, and if you could, please tell my why a person would want/choose to cause so much/many descentions. The delusion seems in these cases seems to lie in the area of the targeted individual having like feelings towards them. They seem to exaggerate these feelings greatly for both parties (or all parties) and their imaginations go wild. These types are in serious need of help IMO, some actually need to be committed to a psych facility.

 

I am so sorry you went through that, and even though you are strong, and I know you are, it still leaves a creepy, violated feeling. Ewwwww.

 

My stalkers never did confront me face to face, always behind a PC. Possibly due to the fact that I didn't talk any crap. In situations such as these, I don't talk, just act:D ...they are very lucky I had more important things to deal with...

[pureinheart]

True stalkers are individuals who are bent on one obsession. A person they have to have contact with in order to feed their self dreamed power trip. They feel a tremendous amount of pleasure knowing they are in the forefront of control. A real stalker does this fo ra long long long time and ultimatley wil make actual contact with the victim giving him even more pleasure. Often they make it known to the victim they are being stalked fo even more of a high.

 

Stalking out of lust or love is way different, I have done it. Felt great shame for it and never did it again. Never gained any pleasure fo rdoing it and really it has greatly impacted my emotions.

 

I don't consider myself a true stalker, but I will admit I have tendencies...and I do hate that about myself.

 

Hi BL,

 

It sounds like a mild obsession involving a love relationship...you did it to a degree, hated it, did not repeat it. To be able to admit anything says a lot...hang in there BL, you don't sound like you are a problem or have one...

[greengoddess]

I've had a few encounters with stalkers during my life, but one which is relevant here. During the A, my (then)MM was supervising a woman of his own age who had a major crush on him. Because our R wasn't hidden and all of his colleagues knew about us, she knew who I was. She started leaving obscene comments on my work blog, and sent "anonymous" emails to my H and I, threatening to tell his BW about the A. She also sent nasty emails to his BW, telling her she deserved that her H was cheating on her and insulting her in many ways. She became quite obsessed with me, and also sent him long emails dissing me and commenting on my life in a million negative ways (if I featured in the corporate newsletter because of a work achievement, she'd turn that into some twisted comment about how I must have clawed out other people's eyes to achieve it; if I had a piece of writing published she'd twist it into some comment about how I was treating him like dirt - she didn't even understand the language I was writing in, or the notion of "fiction"; she was convinced I was using him to get a foreign passport and that I was after his money and that I was going to destroy him and all that was dear to him...) She was very disturbed, and very delusional. Because of his professional dealings with her, he couldn't block her entirely, but he did put in writing to her to back off, very clearly, which she ignored.

 

She was, however, not as clever as she thought - her "anonymous" emails and her blog comments and various other "anonymous" missives were traceable through her IP number and I told her I was going to lay charges AND report her to her employers (she was using their computer, their email account and their infrastructure for her cyberstalking, which was against their policies; and her behaviour was technically criminal. She would have lost her job and her reputation would have been irreparably damaged in what is quite a small field) and she backed off from directly harassing me - complaining to my H that I was "threatening" her .

 

When she heard he was getting a D, she thought she was in with a chance - she was convinced he was her soulmate and that I was some interloper - and he once again had to tell her to back off. She mostly goes away, but surfaces from time to time at conferences, where she tails him like a shadow and creates awful scenes, bursting into hysterical tears if he ignores her and the like; or emails him for references or other work-related pretexts now and then... She even followed us overseas once, leaving messages for him at the hotel to contact her (which he ignored). I've never physically met her - she's scared of me, and no doubt with good reason.

 

Nobody needs this kind of **** in their lives...

 

This is awful BUT this would be a huge red flag to me. You have always said you were the only one he cheated with he was abused by his wife etc but this makes me wonder if he had other affairs, lied to you about them, and left this woman heart broken when he fell in love with you. You may have been the oow in their relationship.

 

HUGE RED FLAGS to me. Sorry.Usually people have a reason for the beginning of the stalking. You don't fall in love and decide you are someones soulmate when they haven't given you the time of day.

[NoIDidn't]

"Stalking" in its purest form is just going to evolve to no longer be a crime nor an offense.

 

People on Facebook and the like just invite themselves to be stalked, and they're just too dense or too self-centered to even understand as much.

 

 

Something as simple as a band of strippers who've worked together for some months, and who socialize together, are now only as safe as the weakest cyber link among them (which is a certainty to be extremely weak).

 

Once somebody discovers one of them at Facebook it becomes nothing more than a round-robin path to collect the full names and addresses of each and every one of them. Why? Because they basically invited it!!

 

So, mere stalking will simply have to cease to be a crime just because so many people are doing it that the mighty court system cannot keep up.

 

The good news is that with so many other people to stalk, nobody will have time to land on YOU.

 

That last part, curiously, doubles as your main defense against material losses due to credit card data falling into the wrong hands via online hacking.

 

I think this is a great post. I don't agree with all of it. But I do agree with the fact that people are foolish enough to put all this personal data on social networking sites and really don't have the right to complain about who sees it if they've not safeguarded it in the best way available.

 

Of course, the best way would be to NOT have a social networking page and not share your data with the world, but that's not viable for some as we maintain our family relationships via these sites as well.

 

People are so busy racking up friend counts that they never stop to truly think about who they are sharing all this personal info with. I know of several divorcing couples that have FB accounts that were using "mutual" friends to spy the pages to get a legal upper hand against the one that was stupid enough to announce that they were dating before the divorce went through, or that they were going to do x y z to the stbx in the next legal hearing.

 

This is a little off-topic, but it does show that "stalking" in its purest sense is really going to come down to major mental illness and true obsession and not the basic curiosity of checking out a public webpage every now and then.

[OWoman]

This is awful BUT this would be a huge red flag to me. You have always said you were the only one he cheated with he was abused by his wife etc but this makes me wonder if he had other affairs, lied to you about them, and left this woman heart broken when he fell in love with you. You may have been the oow in their relationship.

 

HUGE RED FLAGS to me. Sorry.Usually people have a reason for the beginning of the stalking. You don't fall in love and decide you are someones soulmate when they haven't given you the time of day.

 

He had given her the time of day. He was supervising her - she has very low self-esteem and he's a very patient and encouraging supervisor, talked her up into believing she could complete and that she had what it took to achieve higher things in her career - which she has gone on to do. I've seen the email exchanges between them - I've seen how she spins what gets said (or not said) and I've heard about her from others in the department who saw the infatuation developing and have been "helping out" trying to rightsize her delusions. I don't know if she's done this to anyone else, but I do know of other (men) in the field who avoid her like the plague, which makes me wonder...

[herenow]

Sorry, wrong answer...

 

That is akin to you addressing an envelope, licking a stamp, and sending your detailed credit card information to the credit card fraud perp across town.

 

Hey, I won't argue... YOU have every right to do so... but you can't call it "stalking" or cite him for stealing your credit card info once you send it his way.

 

I'l go another step on this on. Calling a person who reads your Facebook a stalker, is like printing a free newspaper for the public to read and then calling people who read it stalkers.

 

My kids have Facebook pages. They are protected so that they are for friends only. Even my kids know that everything they say or put on Facebook is forever on the WWW. Even if protected, anyone may be able read it or see it. They do not put anything on there that they wouldn't want the world to see.

[pureinheart]

As of today, NEW PRIVACY setting called "Instant Personalization" that shares data with non-Facebook websites and it is automatically set to "Enable." Go to Account>Privacy Settings>Applications and Websites>Instant Personalization>at bottom of page Edit Settings, and un-check "Enable". BTW if your friends don't do this, they will be sharing information about you. PLEASE COPY & REPOST

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'l go another step on this on. Calling a person who reads your Facebook a stalker, is like printing a free newspaper for the public to read and then calling people who read it stalkers.

 

My kids have Facebook pages. They are protected

 

 

 

Your heart is in the right place, and you are 'aware'... but I fear the chance that you become overconfident about the last part there...

 

 

I can envision someone like you sitting your kids down for a large chunk of one evening and having a long discussion about Facebook and other social networking sites.

[herenow]

Your heart is in the right place, and you are 'aware'... but I fear the chance that you become overconfident about the last part there...

 

 

I can envision someone like you sitting your kids down for a large chunk of one evening and having a long discussion about Facebook and other social networking sites.

 

We (H and I) did have a talk with them, but it was not a long one. All we did was explain that they should not post anything they wouldn't want the world to see. Even the privacy settings can be violated.

 

I don't have a Facebook page, I have a Linked In page. But, it's all the same. I never post anything I don't want out on the WWW forever.