nowwhatnow Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Ok i have read a number of threads on here and being dumped I have constantly thought about scenarios when he wakes up one day and decides to dedicate his life to getting me back. And so many have said that if they really want a second chance they will come banging on your door. I just wanted to ask...does this ever happen? I mean do they ever wake up and want you back? NB: Our relationship was great and he suddenly wanted out and could not explain to me why. Have gone NC for about 3 months (wow cant believe i did it!) Thanks for your honesty and opinions!
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Ok i have read a number of threads on here and being dumped I have constantly thought about scenarios when he wakes up one day and decides to dedicate his life to getting me back. And so many have said that if they really want a second chance they will come banging on your door. I just wanted to ask...does this ever happen? I mean do they ever wake up and want you back? NB: Our relationship was great and he suddenly wanted out and could not explain to me why. Have gone NC for about 3 months (wow cant believe i did it!) Thanks for your honesty and opinions! Some do. It's just better for yourself to assume that he won't because you need to move on. Move on, move on. You know that Swingers movie with Vince Vaughn? I was reading a past LS user's thread about NC in a nutshell and this is perfect. Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her? Rob: You don't call. Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her. Rob: Right. Mike: So I don't call either way? Rob: Right. Mike: So what's the difference? Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her? Rob: Right. Mike: Well that sucks. Rob: Yeah, it sucks. Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her? Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite. Mike: What do you mean? Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her. Mike: Well what if she comes back first? Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget. Mike: There's the rub. Rob: There's the rub. It's true. Move on. Think of yourself, not what they're thinking. I'm sure our exes aren't thinking of us because if they were, they'd be with us still.
NeNinja Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 YES! THIS is the perfect answer to the question.
J0N Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yes me and my ex are 3 months NC, at this point wishful thinking is only hurting us..
Author nowwhatnow Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 I know but I can not help it. I also know i should be focusing on moving on, and I am trying, I am just wondering if this ever happened to someone, or if it is just some romanticized idea that will never materialize.
0hpenelope Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I know but I can not help it. I also know i should be focusing on moving on, and I am trying, I am just wondering if this ever happened to someone, or if it is just some romanticized idea that will never materialize. Ahh, you want examples... HM, let's look at our dear regulars on the boards (or at least, when I was more active like, 2 years ago) Caliguy (I'm still a fan!): Yes my friends, they do come back sometimes. *foxh1234: The ex is baaaaaack!!!! johnnynum18: his story here SithLord: Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends return stories 12yearsin: how many stories of ex bfs coming back Seriously, just type in "ex came back loveshack" on Google. I tried to do a search through LS directly, but um... I think I'm overloading the servers. Point is, it's not a romanticized ideal. Exes can and do come back - but only when we don't want them anymore. That's why NC is good for most break-ups: the side effect of focusing on you is that the person you're trying to forget might wonder what happened to you and look for you. The point of NC (I know you know this, but others are reading so I have to point it out again) is not to manipulate or influence past lovers to start thinking of us. It's just a pleasant side-effect, but it doesn't always happen, especially if they really don't care anymore. That being said, I CELEBRATE YOUR 3 MONTHS OF NC! :bunny: That's a big freaking deal! You'll get to the point where you'll stop counting the months and NC will become second nature to you. You won't wonder anymore, you won't look for your ex at all... It's such a liberating feeling, to not waste any effort on someone who doesn't think we're worth anything. I cannot wait until I get there w/ my recent ex. I'm so freaking excited to be getting there already! *foxh1234's story is my favorite because I was actually around when he first started sharing his story. I felt so bad for him and to see his ex come crawling back... man, I would've thrown a party for the guy if I could've! And he's totally fine now. "Staying strong and moving on" is still his signature.
Jake99 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Ahh, you want examples... HM, let's look at our dear regulars on the boards (or at least, when I was more active like, 2 years ago) Caliguy (I'm still a fan!): Yes my friends, they do come back sometimes. *foxh1234: The ex is baaaaaack!!!! johnnynum18: his story here SithLord: Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends return stories 12yearsin: how many stories of ex bfs coming back Seriously, just type in "ex came back loveshack" on Google. I tried to do a search through LS directly, but um... I think I'm overloading the servers. Point is, it's not a romanticized ideal. Exes can and do come back - but only when we don't want them anymore. That's why NC is good for most break-ups: the side effect of focusing on you is that the person you're trying to forget might wonder what happened to you and look for you. The point of NC (I know you know this, but others are reading so I have to point it out again) is not to manipulate or influence past lovers to start thinking of us. It's just a pleasant side-effect, but it doesn't always happen, especially if they really don't care anymore. That being said, I CELEBRATE YOUR 3 MONTHS OF NC! :bunny: That's a big freaking deal! You'll get to the point where you'll stop counting the months and NC will become second nature to you. You won't wonder anymore, you won't look for your ex at all... It's such a liberating feeling, to not waste any effort on someone who doesn't think we're worth anything. I cannot wait until I get there w/ my recent ex. I'm so freaking excited to be getting there already! *foxh1234's story is my favorite because I was actually around when he first started sharing his story. I felt so bad for him and to see his ex come crawling back... man, I would've thrown a party for the guy if I could've! And he's totally fine now. "Staying strong and moving on" is still his signature. Yes congrats on 3 months NC! That is excellent to hear and although it can be painful, you will one day reap the benefits! I have explained on other posts that my ex gf up and dumped me only later to find out she went back to an old bf. It sure hurt and the stress level was pretty high. I've read tons on here and started NC (6 weeks). The day I started NC I also started working out at the gym. Wow do I feel awesome!! Unlike yourself who is wishing they would wake up and realize one day they want you back, my focus is one day I will no doubt bump into my ex gf with her lazy a$$ bf and I will look and feel awesome. Getting in shape has been my medicine and it sure works!!! Nowwhatnow, get out and enjoy life. Focus everything on yourself and blossom! Seize the day!!!
0hpenelope Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yes congrats on 3 months NC! That is excellent to hear and although it can be painful, you will one day reap the benefits! I have explained on other posts that my ex gf up and dumped me only later to find out she went back to an old bf. It sure hurt and the stress level was pretty high. I've read tons on here and started NC (6 weeks). The day I started NC I also started working out at the gym. Wow do I feel awesome!! Unlike yourself who is wishing they would wake up and realize one day they want you back, my focus is one day I will no doubt bump into my ex gf with her lazy a$$ bf and I will look and feel awesome. Getting in shape has been my medicine and it sure works!!! Nowwhatnow, get out and enjoy life. Focus everything on yourself and blossom! Seize the day!!! So yours is also an example of an ex going back to an ex, except you're in the not so good part of that story. It's okay, the most important thing is that you're moving on! I celebrate that instead! Yay for a toned body!
suddendumpee Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yes congrats on 3 months NC! That is excellent to hear and although it can be painful, you will one day reap the benefits! I have explained on other posts that my ex gf up and dumped me only later to find out she went back to an old bf. It sure hurt and the stress level was pretty high. I've read tons on here and started NC (6 weeks). The day I started NC I also started working out at the gym. Wow do I feel awesome!! Unlike yourself who is wishing they would wake up and realize one day they want you back, my focus is one day I will no doubt bump into my ex gf with her lazy a$$ bf and I will look and feel awesome. Getting in shape has been my medicine and it sure works!!! Nowwhatnow, get out and enjoy life. Focus everything on yourself and blossom! Seize the day!!! So PLEASE tell us. How did your ex's ex get her back. Did he use NC? Any chance you can get him to post his technique on this forum? Haha. Sorry. You seem to be in a good place, so hopefully you can take my joking...but really, what did he do?
Jake99 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 So PLEASE tell us. How did your ex's ex get her back. Did he use NC? Any chance you can get him to post his technique on this forum? Haha. Sorry. You seem to be in a good place, so hopefully you can take my joking...but really, what did he do? Haha! I don't really know what his technique was. I do know that my ex gf got a couple emails during the summer from this guy who begged and cried that he messed up 1.5 years ago and has changed. She laughed and called him an f...ing idiot and deleted the emails. We have know each other for 4 years and dated 6 months. She was everything to me. Her family are amazing people and really liked me as much as I like them. I noticed the last couple of weeks before the dreaded "I need space" speel, she was very distant and critical of my every move so I knew something was up. We live in a smaller city and needless to say word gets around pretty fast (not to mention some of her FB friends know me as well). When she dumped me, it was by email (chicken ****) and that was it. We corresponded sporadically for a month and then after reading so much good advice here, I went into NC and hit the gym. I was very stressed at first and lost alot of weight so I figured, might as well take advantage of my life and make good out of it. Amazing feeling to see and feel changes with yourself. NC was the best thing I could have done for myself. Of course there are moments that I miss her but then I think of how she disrespected me, it gives me the incentive to hit the gym. I eat healthy and haven't had any junk food since mid November, train 5 days a week and looking after number 1. No interest in dating because I'm not ready and it wouldn't be fair to the other party at this point but I can't wait for the day I meet up with my ex and see the look on her face! I still love my ex but she blew it! She had the best thing in life! A guy that loved her, loved her family, is financially secure and supported her in her career and all aspects of life. Her ex she has gone back to? no job and loves his beer! hahaha!
0hpenelope Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) How about a more recent example, hm? Star Gazer: When they come back... So what I'm taking away from this is, when some exes come back, it's not all that great. Edited January 10, 2011 by 0hpenelope wrong link!
Jake99 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 How about a more recent example, hm? Star Gazer: When they come back... So what I'm taking away from this is, when some exes come back, it's not all that great. I think it is rarey ever the same and probably worse for most situations when a an ex returns. We hope and wish for them to come back when things are fresh after being dumped but if you do NC and focus on yourself, it's amazing how much better you feel and you also start to realize how much they didn't care for you and disrespected you.
SimonSerenade Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Looking at these getting back together stories will only hurt you more if it dosen't happen, Nobodies saying you have to forget him, It would be impossible for you to forget him but WHAT YOU CAN DO is move on while acknowledging your feelings for him, Rather than concentrating on him coming back and one day wanting you back, Why not put all that in to concentrating on finding somebody else who might do ya one better and actually give a rats ass?
Jake99 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Looking at these getting back together stories will only hurt you more if it dosen't happen, Nobodies saying you have to forget him, It would be impossible for you to forget him but WHAT YOU CAN DO is move on while acknowledging your feelings for him, Rather than concentrating on him coming back and one day wanting you back, Why not put all that in to concentrating on finding somebody else who might do ya one better and actually give a rats ass? This is very true SimonSerenade! However, put your energy into yourself before you focus on someone else. The more you look after yourself, the better you will be when that new person walks into your life. Treat yourself and enjoy life, make sure you are completely over the ex before you concentrate on a new person so there's no baggage.
0hpenelope Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) Looking at these getting back together stories will only hurt you more if it dosen't happen, Nobodies saying you have to forget him, It would be impossible for you to forget him but WHAT YOU CAN DO is move on while acknowledging your feelings for him, Rather than concentrating on him coming back and one day wanting you back, Why not put all that in to concentrating on finding somebody else who might do ya one better and actually give a rats ass? This is very true SimonSerenade! However, put your energy into yourself before you focus on someone else. The more you look after yourself, the better you will be when that new person walks into your life. Treat yourself and enjoy life, make sure you are completely over the ex before you concentrate on a new person so there's no baggage. OP understands what we're all telling her but as to not derail the thread, I'm giving her stories that she's looking for because that's the subject of her thread. At the same time, I'm also emphasizing that she keeps her attention on NC as a means to heal herself and not so much worry about someone who doesn't care about her. We have our ups and downs in the healing process - this just might be one of her downs. More stories, nwn? I'll oblige. amz: "Why do our ex's contact us when we are OVER it!" WiseOne1 (I remember his story, too): "My ex says she wants to get back together!" waitingforlove: "Anyone had an ex that came back after a really bad breakup?" You'll see the pattern that comes out of these reunions (well, some aren't so much reunions) too. 1) NC. NC. NC. NC. 2) Move on completely, with the occasional (and perfectly normal) feelings of "Part of me still misses him (her), but I'm moving on!" 3) Does not give a crap anymore and is usually involved w/ someone else. You know that song by Joni Mitchell titled "Big Yellow Taxi?" It has environmental leanings, but in particular the verse: Don't it always seem to go That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone It applies to a lot of us. It's a very broad observation to make ("I didn't know I was w/ a monster, thank GOODNESS my ex is gone!" "Man, she treated me so well, why'd I bolt?" "He would've married me, but I didn't think he was cute so I dumped him. Wtf?" "I should've been better to my ex."), but honestly... NC, NC. Focus on yourself, focus on yourself, allow the thoughts that worry about him in your head but try a little bit harder - every single time - to not dwell on them. Then it'll become easier to fight the thoughts about him until you're not affected by those thoughts anymore. Doesn't that sound so much better? That you won't be stuck in this sinkhole forever, but you have to keep moving forward? A lot of exes come back to the people they left behind. Usually, the ones who were actually waiting and really, really praying that they will come back? They find that they're over their exes. That's a much better place to be at because they got better. Edited January 10, 2011 by 0hpenelope
Karma20 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 My experience and my friends experience that usually a guy comes back at least once after if they breakup with you after sometime has passed. If you've already broken up a few times then the chances are slimmer.
Author nowwhatnow Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 WOW. I am always so touched by the responses i receive from LS. Thank you, everyone, for going above and beyond. They really do help - so thank you!! (shout out to Penelope!) Keep em' coming
0hpenelope Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 WOW. I am always so touched by the responses i receive from LS. Thank you, everyone, for going above and beyond. They really do help - so thank you!! (shout out to Penelope!) Keep em' coming There's this one guy I really liked. When he found out, he stopped talking to me completely. We discussed it a few months later and everything seemed cool again. But something happened that forced me to re-evaluate my relationships with others and that included my relationship with him. I realized that he was one of those people who found me dispensable and actually stopped talking to me. I was really hurt by that and realized he wasn't worth my friendship, too. People who quit on me should earn my trust back - and I felt like such a doormat. I disappeared from his life. Months later, a mutual friend told me that he was asking about me. Let me tell you how much of an ego boost that was & at his expense! "He shouldn't have done that, coming around to look for me." I felt bad for the ego boost and good at the same time. He's not an ex boyfriend, but it's a good example of what can happen when people go NC on others. It doesn't happen all the time. But some people are that predictable. They look for you when they know they did you wrong and by then, you know what you're worth and what you will not tolerate. You won't care at all when they do come around. :laugh:
Recommended Posts