irc333 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I was wondering, on a first date, is "gentlemanly" to gently touch a woman on the small of her back when she moves in front of you, or perhaps when you lean in and listen to what she has to say in loud area? I think the reason for my post here, really stems deeper for the real motive. To not to be friendzoned...I think a lot of guys, this might happen with first dates, if you treat a woman as a male buddy, she might automatically stick you in the FZ if you don't automatically do anything flirty, or slight physical touch. If you sit there with your arms crossed while talking to her or your hands at your side all the time, she might not think you're interested because you didn't show an inkling of affection. Though, I heard on the OTHER side of the coin, a female friend told me she did online dating for the first time, and she went out with a guy, and was a little TOO handsy. He would put his arm around her waist almost too much, and would hold her a little too close. And when sitting on the bench waiting for a table, he would put his hand on her knee or lap...making her very uncomfortable. She described him to be acting as if they were a couple. Now I don't do it in the way she describes, but I like to throw in a slight physical touch, and the back of her arm or the small of her back GENTLY might be the way to go? Ladies?
Jazzari Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Being touched casually on the small of my back is VERY attractive to me. It's intimate without being invasive. I also see it as a protective geture. Guiding me to my seat, or as we walk past a crowded area, etc. Love it. Those other touches you mentioned - on my knee especially, would make me uncomfortable enough to tell him hands off.
colliejoanie Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I completely agree with Jazz. A slight touch on the small of the back is so attractive. I often look at older couples and wonder if they even realize anymore they're doing it, and if they remember how special it felt when it happened for the first time. I think if there is any chemistry on a first date, that it's a great idea!!!
tb24 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) Actually you can do more than that. You need to do it gradually, preferably before the first date even. What you want to do is avoid an "oh my god what are you doing??" moment by going too fast. For example, if you don't touch her all evening then go for a kiss at the end of the date. It might work, but it's a big step. If you're sitting next to her, gently touch your knee against hers. She'll either be comfortable with it, or move her knee away. If she's comfortable with it--she doesn't move her knee--move closer to her. She'll never have the need to say "hands off" but she'll have the opportunity to just move away. As you lean in to talk to her in a loud environment you can gently touch her shoulder or top of her arm, and next time the lower back. Etc... To make her feel comfortable with it you need to always give her the ability to move away. Putting your hand on her knee, for example, she is essentially trapped. Not good. Edited January 9, 2011 by tb24
carhill Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Classic ....Note the location of Mel's hand on Janet's waist. You wouldn't have thought she had just gotten married to Tony that day. I've embraced many female friends this way. Mel can do this because he's a complete gentleman. The key is, whether with a female friend or date, to be clear, assertive and confident, as well as restrained. A woman sees this when she looks in your eyes and feels your touch. Good luck
january2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 For me, it's a grey area. If I'm not expecting it and I'm not attracted to him, it can feel like a jolt - not in a 'take me now or lose me forever' way but rather 'a bird's just pooped on my hair and I need to take a shower' way. That's why I suggest that you become well-versed at reading cues so that you can gauge her likely reaction before breaking the physical barrier.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 For me, it's a grey area. If I'm not expecting it and I'm not attracted to him, it can feel like a jolt - not in a 'take me now or lose me forever' way but rather 'a bird's just pooped on my hair and I need to take a shower' way. I you! That's why I suggest that you become well-versed at reading cues so that you can gauge her likely reaction before breaking the physical barrier. Agreed.
denise_xo Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Being touched casually on the small of my back is VERY attractive to me. It's intimate without being invasive. I also see it as a protective geture. Guiding me to my seat, or as we walk past a crowded area, etc. Love it. Those other touches you mentioned - on my knee especially, would make me uncomfortable enough to tell him hands off. Totally agree (maybe minus the 'protective' aspect which I wouldn't really be thinking about). I love it when men do that skillfully.
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