layla1983 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 A coworker told me about Loveshack so I really thought now would be the time to try it. Ok here goes. I was in a nearly 3 year relationship with an amazing man. He is 35 and contrary to my username I am 23. 1983 is the year my sister was born and wasn't taken lol. Well anyway in June he broke up with me. I took it hard. The reason he did it wasn't because he didn't love me-it was because I was partying. Where I lived at the time all of my friends did too and we had a blast for over a year. My friends didn't like him because he was older and just wasn't into the party scene. They always wanted me with them to party and go to wild parties and it was fun so I did. Problem was I sort of neglected the relationship because that was just what I was into-and he knew it. Yes I was hanging out with other guys at parties (They were there not my fault). Looking back , he being older, just sort of knew what was going on even though I would deny it any chance I got for the most part. Well after he broke up with me I met (sort of already knew) a really cool guy who was 28. I fell head over heals for this guy. He became friends with all of my friend and vice versa. It was great. Just a perfect fit and he like to party. Parents liked him and everything. We moved quickly (i know mistake but it felt so right) So in the end of October we move to a new apartment together...Now everything isn't so perfect. This guy has a temper like I've never seen. He's really cool but he's so emotional and we fight bad. He likes to make up and then it happens all over again. It's become a cycle. I'm beging to just see him quite differently then I used to. So a few months ago I sort of reached out to my ex through text and email. We became really flirty and this went on for a month. I think though he sort of caught on that I would only text or email during the day-and then be home with my boyfriend at night. So he stopped talking to me all together because he just isn't someone you can really play with if he thinks something fishy is up. He'll go what you guys call No Contact in no time flat. Ok so here is the dilema (please just advice I know it all seems immature and it is or was but I truly have my head on straight and have grown up a lot and realized a whole bunch of things)... My new amazing guy that I now live with isn't so amazing anymore..I can't even stand him. we get along sometimes becasue we have to and to keep appearence I guess. He's just a tough guy (wheres all the UFC shirts) that's actaully about half the man that my ex is. My ex on the other hand by comparision is a true tough guy. Not in the literal sense but in the emotional sense. My ex is strong and like a rock emotionally. My ex is everything any woman could want in a man. He's gorgeous, smart, worldly, so freaking sexy, calm, amazing in bed, responsible, owns his own home, has an amazing job, family oriented, and the thought of him even touching me gives me butterflies like the day I met him.. I can't get him out of my head I've made a mistake. I know it-I'm sure he knows it, now all of you know it. I'm admiting it. I've read on here about grass is greener (yes I had it). What should I do to rekindle with him??? I am so over my current and have been even prior to moving in together..It was all a huge mistake on my part. And by doing what I did I know I hurt my ex deeply, but once again he's so emotionally well adjusted that he dealt with it all aprioprately....Please don't kill me here with spend time alone..I would be happy to do that if I didn't know there was a man like this out there that I am madly in love with (and looking back have always been)...What can I do????? Has anybody else done what I have and will admit it??? What would you want your ex to do??? I just don't know!!!
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 So a few months ago I sort of reached out to my ex through text and email. We became really flirty and this went on for a month. I think though he sort of caught on that I would only text or email during the day-and then be home with my boyfriend at night. So he stopped talking to me all together because he just isn't someone you can really play with if he thinks something fishy is up. He'll go what you guys call No Contact in no time flat. Oh, what have you done... Good for him for implementing NC right away. If my ex were to come back to me, I'd like him to do what I'm about to tell you. Tell it to him straight. No mind games, no leading on. Let him know that you want to try again with him and apologize for everything that's happened. You have to commit so that you'll work with him in not making the second chance a continuation of the first relationship. Start from zero, address the issues that need to be addressed and once these are done, don't carry these issues into the new relationship. Just leave these issues behind because you won't be quite the same girl that broke his heart. When new issues arise, you have to assure him that you won't bolt when things get tough again and you'll actually communicate your concerns with him. You have to show him you've grown. First things first, though, is getting him to hear you out. Hopefully he'll be willing to listen. Good luck.
cboy90 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Don't forget to be honest to him. And loyal. It's one thing that I can't stand is when a girl lies straight to my face. The truth about everything needs to come out, regardless whether the truth may hurt more. I could respect someone more for being truthful about everything and be willing to give them a second chance.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 You need to leave the temperamental guy first before you pursue the ex. Your ex seems smart, so he's already caught on that you are probably with someone if you haven't flat out told him. Get rid of the temperamental guy--before he gets violent. After that is sorted out, you will be free to try and rekindle with your ex. Since he is smart, you are really going to have to play your cards right, be honest, open, etc.
ByMyselfForNow Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) First of all stop playing around, it's not good for you or anyone else involved in this. If you want a relationship with your ex than be honest to your current boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Then you must ask yourself if you are capable of providing the type of "maturity" that your ex is asking from you? No offense, but from your post, it seems to me that you're not quite sure with what you really want and you're still acting on impulses. If you want to give it another try with your ex, and you want the r/l to have the slightest chance of success, then both of you should be clear on their needs/expectations before starting new. Edited January 9, 2011 by ByMyselfForNow
Author layla1983 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Not to detract from my original set of questions but, yes he found out that I had a new guy because I put a pic on my FB....I was sooo cruel to him, because I was sooo hurt by the breakup. I was supposed to move into his house and everything got shattered. Thank you so much for the advice everyone.......PLEASE has anyone else f'ed up this bad??? How can I fix it...I am dying inside..PLEASE...I have so screwed up here....
Author layla1983 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Oh and another problem that I have is that when I went with the new guy I went BIG. I made sure everyone in my world knew about him and how happy and in love I was. I plastered everything all over FB, went out with him and all of my friends and partied, my whole family (who I'm super close with) is on my FB. So how would I begin to turn all of that around?? What are all of my friends going to think and what will I say?? My ex always hated the fact that I had soo many people involved in my life and by extenstion his as well..He would say that all of these people have nothing to do with our relationship-so leave them out of it and our business. So oh boy, how am I to handle this part of it???
westrock Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 My ex is strong and like a rock emotionally. My ex is everything any woman could want in a man. He's gorgeous, smart, worldly, so freaking sexy, calm, amazing in bed, responsible, owns his own home, has an amazing job, family oriented, and the thought of him even touching me gives me butterflies like the day I met him.. I can't get him out of my head How would your ex describe you? How have you changed? Why do you deserve a guy like this? I hope you realize that a single guy who has those qualities will attract the interest of a lot of women who will treat the guy far better than what you have done. If you want to be with a guy who has these qualities, then you need to start living your life in a way that matches what he is offering. What are all of my friends going to think and what will I say?? My ex always hated the fact that I had soo many people involved in my life and by extenstion his as well..He would say that all of these people have nothing to do with our relationship-so leave them out of it and our business. So oh boy, how am I to handle this part of it??? Your ex is right. What your friends think is really none of their business. Your family would want the best for you so they will understand. If you feel that you need to say something, then start with the truth. You tell them he (the current guy) doesn't treat you properly and that you are ending the relationship. If you are so miserable and want to be with your ex, why are you still with the current guy? You need to do the right thing and end the relationship with the current guy.
Author layla1983 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 How would your ex describe you? How have you changed? Why do you deserve a guy like this? I hope you realize that a single guy who has those qualities will attract the interest of a lot of women who will treat the guy far better than what you have done. If you want to be with a guy who has these qualities, then you need to start living your life in a way that matches what he is offering. Your ex is right. What your friends think is really none of their business. Your family would want the best for you so they will understand. If you feel that you need to say something, then start with the truth. You tell them he (the current guy) doesn't treat you properly and that you are ending the relationship. If you are so miserable and want to be with your ex, why are you still with the current guy? You need to do the right thing and end the relationship with the current guy. I totally agree believe me that's why I fell in love with him to begin with. The problem is is that I have moved in with my current a few months back and the lease is in my name. I feel so stuck. Another thing is when we broke up and I moved on I was straight up cruel and really rubbed it in. Even after I did that though he still helped me with something he had promised me he would do. It was as if he was bigger than what I had done-if that makes sense?? The current guy is going to have a freaking meltdown if he knows or finds out. I'm almost scared to death to try with my ex. I don't know what he thinks of me. I worry that he may think I'm a big joke, and for that I couldn't blame him. I was so happy when I announced that I had moved on and so were all of my friends. I was on cloud 9 litterally. Now I can't get him (my ex) out of my mind. I even drive right by his street everyday on the way to work and it's just bringing back soem of the most amazing memories that I had there with him. I have screwed up so bad here...Any other advice??? And I am well aware of the fact that any girl would be glad to get a hold of him he is an amazing person in every way...I don;t wanyt any girl to have him-I want to be his girls!!!! So eveyone knows the Grass is not Greener
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