Is mutual break up (when both are still interested) the worst?

[DellPickle]

So this girl and I had been dating for a couple months. It had been great...we took it slow because we worked together (also for me I knew there was a chance she wouldnt be in the area long, she had talked about returning home because of dislike of her career choice). She likes the area and wants to stay and before she thought that it was plausible she might stay with help from parents financially...but the more she talked about it with her parents, the picture became clearer...it would be next to impossible to stay in the area come May and would have to return home more than 6 hours away...

 

I brought it up at the end of our date last night b/c a couple days ago she mentioned plans once her contract ended while at work...last night she said it had turned definite that she would have to be returning home...which begged the question...should we end this, and we agreed we should.... considered about if we kept going, but we wouldnt have been together long enough to justify moving in together or I moving to her home town and its too far for long distance...so much to our dislike, we decided to end it and just be friends...

 

I dont think being friends will be too bad as we both seemed to be very careful about letting our feelings get out of control, but the conversation was a tough one for both of us...we said we will stay friends, hang out once in a while and stay in contact because we do have great times together and we dont want to throw out a good friendship even though we want more.

 

Ive never been angry after a break up, but this has made me real frustrated (not towards her, but just in general)...we have amazing chemistry and had great potential...sure we were still in our honey moon period...but our relationship never had much chance to grow because of forces outside of either of ours control, so we had to do what was best for the us emotionally and end it...

 

It hurts a bit, no where near as devastating as being dumped after a long relationship, but so damn frustrating. The fact that we both still interested in each other drives me mad...if someone doesnt like me and doesnt want to date anymore, thats one thing...but its not like that at all...Anyone been in a similar situation?

[D78]

I've never been in that situation, but I can imagine it would be really frustrating.

 

It's cool that the two of you talked about what you should do. I think you should keep in touch and stay friends - you never know what the future holds. Maybe she will get a better job in your area and return...?

 

Good luck.

[DellPickle]

I've never been in that situation, but I can imagine it would be really frustrating.

 

It's cool that the two of you talked about what you should do. I think you should keep in touch and stay friends - you never know what the future holds. Maybe she will get a better job in your area and return...?

 

Good luck.

Not gonna even begin to think she may be able to find something else in the area...too much false hope

 

Its like I told her, Id be stupid to throw away a potential friendship because I couldnt have more

 

Its just a ****ty hand of cards that fate has dealt us both in the matter, and I cannot describe the frustration...not mad, or sad...just frustrated.

[D78]

Not gonna even begin to think she may be able to find something else in the area...too much false hope

 

I'm sorry - I didn't think about that enough before I typed it.

 

Its like I told her, Id be stupid to throw away a potential friendship because I couldnt have more

 

Yeah, I just threw away my best friend because everyone says exs can't be friends... I guess we can re-convene in a few months and see which one of us feels better

 

Its just a ****ty hand of cards that fate has dealt us both in the matter, and I cannot describe the frustration...not mad, or sad...just frustrated.

 

Honestly, I know this isn't going to make you feel any better because you have been dealt a ****ty hand this time. But, I am jealous because you have these feelings for someone, and they didn't play games with you and make you try to hate them.

 

You're one of the only posters (in my VERY brief time here) who actually communicated with your ex like an adult, respected yourself and her feelings at the same time, and concluded that you would both be best served by breaking up.

 

It's terrible because she's great. But what you have done is end a relationship in a good way (yes, it's possible), which means you can be friends, you can trust her, you can communicate occasionally, and most importantly you can look back on your time together in a positive light.

 

It's often more painful than it needs to be when relationships end, because one or both people don't have the ability to do what you did. You'll have to deal with the frustration, but I think you should be commended for your maturity and kindness in dealing with this frustrating situation.

 

These traits will serve you well throughout your life.

 

Sorry, I am an annoying optimist that tends to find the good in situations...

[DellPickle]

Honestly, I know this isn't going to make you feel any better because you have been dealt a ****ty hand this time. But, I am jealous because you have these feelings for someone, and they didn't play games with you and make you try to hate them.

 

You're one of the only posters (in my VERY brief time here) who actually communicated with your ex like an adult, respected yourself and her feelings at the same time, and concluded that you would both be best served by breaking up.

 

It's terrible because she's great. But what you have done is end a relationship in a good way (yes, it's possible), which means you can be friends, you can trust her, you can communicate occasionally, and most importantly you can look back on your time together in a positive light.

 

It's often more painful than it needs to be when relationships end, because one or both people don't have the ability to do what you did. You'll have to deal with the frustration, but I think you should be commended for your maturity and kindness in dealing with this frustrating situation.

 

These traits will serve you well throughout your life.

 

Sorry, I am an annoying optimist that tends to find the good in situations...

That sucks, been in your shoes before...and this has been my "best" experience...but since we worked together and we knew that she wasnt totally 100% sure if she would be staying in the area after her contract is up, we both took it slow and guarded our feelings...from the beginning we laid it out what we expected and came to a consensus on how fast we would take it based on our circumstances. I had never approached a relationship like I had this one and I plan to use what I learned in the future although I dont think circumstances will ever be quite the same

[Eeyore79]

I have been in that situation before, and it is utterly heartbreaking. The distance between us was unmanageable, and there was no way we could ever move closer together, so we had no choice but to end our relationship. He didn't want to remain friends; we couldn't really do more than exchange occasional emails, and maybe the reminder was too much for him. The worst part is that the relationship isn't broken, it's not because you don't love each other; it simply isn't possible for you to be together, which leaves you with all of these "what ifs".

 

I was completely broken hearted for a good couple of years, and I still think about him sometimes. I'm in a happy relationship with someone else now, but I still occasionally wonder if it could have worked out with my ex if it wasn't for the distance.

[Trovador]

I also know the feeling, but contrary to what you two did, my ex and I fought a lot, that was the way we handled this thing... like you, we loved each other but we couldn't be together in the long run... it was sad more than hurtful and for a while we couldn't keep away from each other, the most we have been in NC is 10 days at the most and we always pray that next time the other will be strong enough to keep us apart... we've done everything in the book, parting amicably, being enemies, NC, LC, TC (total contact), friends, fwb, lovers, just coworkers (we are)... everything! After a year, we are still together in one or another way...

 

We are again in NC and maybe, just maybe, this time it will be for real...