WTRanger Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 90 days NC. That means NO phone, NO texts, NO email, NO Facebook, NO checking to see if shes' on chat, NO pictures, NO letters, NO old emails, NOTHING. So where am I? Well, I'm in a much better mental state than when I started. Oh, I still hurt from time to time and I'm still mad here and there. But these sessions are mere spurts and not the marathon sessions that plagued day 1. I've accepted things for what they were. I've accepted the past is the past and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I've accepted that what happened was for the best, even if I don't see it just yet. I've closed the karmic loop. I am at peace with things. I've accepted her actions. I've accepted that she's not some evil baroness who has the sole job of destroying my life. I've accepted my actions. I'm not sure I want to let her back into my life. Anytime I want to reach out, I'm always greeted by my brain asking, "WHY!?" I'm not ready to risk the progress, so I'm not going to even try. I'm more than aware that even though I've made great strides, I'm still in the danger zone of contact resetting my progress. So, I'm not going to. Why wreck the streak? I've also met a few new people. Nothing serious, but getting back into the dating pool is a great thing. It's also teaching me, again, that rejection isn't going to kill me so stop fearing it. It should be said that the more the confidence grows, the better the dates become. So do yourself a favor. Set a 90 day goal and stick to it. Trust me, you will feel so much better about yourself. I'm living proof that 90 days of not contacting your ex will not kill you. You can and you will survive this.
KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 This gives me a bit of hope. Thanks you for sharing.
Author WTRanger Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Remember, this is only going to work if you do it for yourself. Not for your ex.
Sevenscars Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Good for you bro. That's no short time. At 180 days you'll probably think about her once a week, and when you do you'll just be annoyed.
Author WTRanger Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Good for you bro. That's no short time. At 180 days you'll probably think about her once a week, and when you do you'll just be annoyed. Actually after less than 90 days I'm not annoyed. I'm one "meh" away from indifference. Being annoyed is still a sign that you are holding onto a grudge somewhere. When you accept things, you drop being annoyed by someone.
KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I literally started NC about 20 minutes ago. She called me and I answered (I deleted her number from my phone and didn't recognize her number). She asked what was up, and I told her. We're on NC indefinitely, to be broken when/if I feel I can be in her life again. It's tough though. I spoke with this girl every day of my life for the past 6 months (I know, I know, it's not that long). And now... nothing. But I feel I am strong enough to do this...
KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Is it still NC if they contact you? If you respond/answer, then no.
GreenPolicy Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 69 days of NC and I still hurt a lot. I still have a lot of anger. She treated me like ****. But I am starting to realize that she is not quite the person I thought she was and bc of her intimacy and commitment issues, I already got the best she has to offer. I just wish my heart would catch up to my head.
stopthemadness Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Wow, Good for you on the n/c. You sound like your doing really good! Wish I was..Maybe you have smthing there with yoiur 90 day thing..........
Good Arms Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) I'm half way there, at 45 days NC. Unless you count having to wave through her car window... true NC is impossible for me as we work in the same place. I've no intention of breaking NC, though I'll have to face seeing her around. Will restrict myself to a simple "hello" if I'm forced to bump into her. I hope I'll find some of the same acceptance you have... I've a way to go yet. Edited January 9, 2011 by Good Arms
J0N Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I started NC on Oct 22. I lost exact count but it's in the high sixties. I feel better these days, but the reality that I am never going to hear from her again does still bother me. I have let go of alot, but I'm not quite out of the woods yet.
J0N Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Ok I admit it... 1. I sent "Please Resign" on Words With Friends (no response, but resigned) after 2 weeks 2. Before I defriended her on FB I took one last look (dec 9) and sent a farewell email. No response from her. Other than two slips I haven't broken it
Ajax Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Ok I admit it... 1. I sent "Please Resign" on Words With Friends (no response, but resigned) after 2 weeks 2. Before I defriended her on FB I took one last look (dec 9) and sent a farewell email. No response from her. Other than two slips I haven't broken it Deleting them from Facebook is a big step. i just did it a week ago. Haven't talked to her since September 2nd, but couldn't move on while I could still look at her Facebook page. If she were to ever reach out it would have been through Facebook, so I closed the door on any possible future contact, and the finality of it is actually quite liberating.
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Please elaborate on "closing the karmic loop". I definitely have to relationship Karma that needs to be closed.
Author WTRanger Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) Please elaborate on "closing the karmic loop". I definitely have to relationship Karma that needs to be closed. Simple. Accept things for what they are. DO NOT use karma as a tool of revenge. All too often people say, "Ohhh karma will get them!" That's not what karma is for. Karma is inside you. Anything half-lived leaves a negative imprint that becomes sort of a black hole that always pulls you back. Accepting things fully, for what they are and what they were and that the Universe always works in a positive manner, will help close that loop. But this has to be done fully. You can't half-ass this. You have to use your whole-ass. Everything in life is a choice you make. The best way to accept this is to finally understand that it is you who choose how to respond, what decisions to make. But we try to fool ourselves and others into believing it is someone else who is responsible, who is making you do things their way. As long as you don't understand life is your choice, your living is just paralysis. Well I don't know about you, but I grew tired of being paralyzed. Pandagirl: Is it still NC if they contact you? This is a sticky area of NC. There is no concrete rule that says straight up ignore them. Even in CaliGuys' NC thread/Bible he mentions that you should use caution and your best judgment in deciding if an ex contacts you. In my case, I know it is far too soon for her to contact me and have it be anything more than wanting to restart the parasite-host relationship. However, if I feel that it is heartfelt such as she hits on some major points, then I would respond the best way I feel. If she's just looking to remain in her old behavior, then I choose not to respond and enable that behavior from her. Focus on yourselves and don't use NC as a rule. It is more of a guide. NC can't be taken literally or else it becomes destructive to you and you alone. Edited January 9, 2011 by WTRanger
KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I'm on like 3 hours of NC... hahaha... :/ It's rough. I have good support though.
J Wool Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Deleting them from Facebook is a big step. i just did it a week ago. Haven't talked to her since September 2nd, but couldn't move on while I could still look at her Facebook page. If she were to ever reach out it would have been through Facebook, so I closed the door on any possible future contact, and the finality of it is actually quite liberating. Prior to going going NC I was on LC (only Hi and how r u doing). Then out of the blues I get an email from her stating that she has started dating and she wants to be friends on FB (this is after she de-friend me 4 months ago). I responded wishing her congratulations, deactivated my FB account then went into strict NC (57 days now). Shortly after deactivating my account I started seeing her on IM (she had also blocked me the day she de-friend me). What I did? I blocked her, created a group that falls to the bottom of messenger (somewhere I trained my mind not to visit) and seized all updates. In a way I'm a ghost to her. It hurts but its something I have to do 4 me.
selena_cat Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Prior to going going NC I was on LC (only Hi and how r u doing). Then out of the blues I get an email from her stating that she has started dating and she wants to be friends on FB (this is after she de-friend me 4 months ago). I responded wishing her congratulations, deactivated my FB account then went into strict NC (57 days now). Shortly after deactivating my account I started seeing her on IM (she had also blocked me the day she de-friend me). What I did? I blocked her, created a group that falls to the bottom of messenger (somewhere I trained my mind not to visit) and seized all updates. In a way I'm a ghost to her. It hurts but its something I have to do 4 me. Good for you! how do you know when they block you? I added him in Yahoo msger,t still see his username and nothing there. I'm about to delete again.
Author WTRanger Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Good for you! how do you know when they block you? I added him in Yahoo msger,t still see his username and nothing there. I'm about to delete again. Why does it matter if they block you are not? Just remove him. If you feel some important need to hurt yourself by finding out he did indeed block you, face it that it will be a blow to anyone's Ego, then do some Google searching for your appropriate messenger. There are plenty of how to's out there to find out if someone blocked you.
Recommended Posts