tommyr00 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I met a girl that I really really like, about a week ago. Since then I've been talking to her for at least an hour late at night, almost everyday. Recently we had plans to get dinner, but she had to cancel because of a surprise family thing. I mistakingly tried to give her a sarcastic guilt trip about her missing the date. Lately she has seemed a little uninterested, and I'm afraid it's cause I'm being clingy. How can I get her to be really interested again? Should I send her a text apologizing for being clingy? (Or is that clingy/unconfident in itself?) I really like her and I want to keep moving forward with her..
remy1981 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) Sounds like your in the wrong frame of mind, Don't message her if she didn't give you another day she was available than she's not that interested. Initially she was but like you said you already talked to her everyday for an hour. Your already trying to give away power her and it's just starting out in a relationship, you should be the one she's chasing not the other way around, let her come to you a little bit if she doesn't than move on. I suggest you take a little time and work on yourself because your mind frame doesn't sound too good, figure out why you feel the need to have a woman in your life? If your not happy being single and you don't build a power self you will never have a successful relationship. P.s The surprise family thing should be a huge Red Flag if she really wanted to see you should would have, sounds like a blown date too, which means you should def move on. I know it's tough spill to swallow but it's the truth. Edited January 9, 2011 by remy1981
Author tommyr00 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 thanks for the reply... she gave me another day that she was available... im just getting the sense that everything ive done is non-conducive to her attraction to me. i feel like ive given myself away to her too much already/taken away mystery/been to clingy and i really want to change that. i guess the only way is to back off? and in terms of working on myself, i havent had a relationship in a while, so i definetly want one. i guess i need to build a power self.
theodora Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I'm experiencing the same thing, but 4 months in instead of a week. Still, doesn't make any difference really - clingy is clingy whenever it comes along lol. I hate the feeling of feeling clingy, it's awful, and it's destructive. All I can say is that at the moment, I'm getting through it by being honest with my boyfriend, and he is being kind and supportive but not giving into the demands of the cling-on. When I read this I feel bad for you, cos I kno how awful that feeling is. But I think the thing is, you can really only be yourself in any situation. If you drive her away because you're too full on, then she's not that interested. If I was you, I'd brush the one incident of guilt-tripping under the carpet, but if I found myself doing it again, I'd try and catch myself in the moment of doing it and say sorry, I'm doing that thing, I apologise for that. It's because I'm disappointed. I find it helpful to tell my bf that the reason why I react badly to things is something positive, and that makes him feel better after I've been a bitch. That sounds so bad when I put it like that. But if you can't stop the bitch coming out (or in your case, bastard ) then you can at least take responsibility for it afterwards and try to explain yourself. Having said all that, sounds like you might be being a bit paranoid. In the beginning, if she's anything like me, then she'll be happy taking it slow, and she'll be happy to have the feeling that you're keen and you're prepared to chase. Nothing wrong with you making it obvious to her that you like her. If you leave her 'to come to you' the chances are she will read that as your disinterest, and go elsewhere. Just make sure your pursuit is positive, and confident, and flexible. I think for us clingy types, flexibility is the hardest thing to deal with in a relationship situation. I find dates changing, times changing, plans changing, sooooo difficult. I don't even know why. I just always have. Sucks. So I feel your pain, but you're on top of it. I think you did ok.
remy1981 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I think you should tell her your not available the day she pick because you already have plans, not it's going to make much different at this point but a least your going to show your not going to be at her beck and call. Which ultimately will build attraction. What did you say when she said the other day? Did she give another day exactly or just another time in general big difference.
Author tommyr00 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 thanks for the help everybody when she told me we should hang out on the later date, i said that i think i would be free. you really would advise me to lie and say that i'm busy? i guess it makes sense but i dont want to miss this one chance..
carhill Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 When you have options, 'surprise family things' are non-issues. You move on to the next option. 'Sorry to hear about that. Call me later and reschedule. Take care!'
Jannah Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I met a girl that I really really like, about a week ago. Since then I've been talking to her for at least an hour late at night, almost everyday. Recently we had plans to get dinner, but she had to cancel because of a surprise family thing. I mistakingly tried to give her a sarcastic guilt trip about her missing the date. Lately she has seemed a little uninterested, and I'm afraid it's cause I'm being clingy. How can I get her to be really interested again? Should I send her a text apologizing for being clingy? (Or is that clingy/unconfident in itself?) I really like her and I want to keep moving forward with her.. Your reaction was passive aggressive. People naturally withdraw from people who are passive aggressive towards them. I.E. - You went on the defense by going on the offense, which will produce the opposite effect, in essence. One missed/rescheduled date, shouldn't be a launch-able offense (unless it's recurring, obviously). But, don't be THAT person who displays mistrust through guilt tripping, because any relationship you have, will always be divided versus united - which is not much of a relationship if at all. It's good that you were able to identify your own reaction and I think if you continue to remain aware of it, you'll be better off. As for the girl in question, I would avoid any type of third degree inquisitions UNLESS you feel it is truly warranted.
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