Owz600 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 What happens when me and my ex both go NC? Maybe she is hoping I will chase her? Does it turn into a stand off? can potential relationship be lost by this method? Currently I believe this is what we are both doing and I think she hopes we will get back together one day, but with both of us doing NC how can we ever talk again?
Movingthrough Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 This is a very good point, but in all honesty i dont think its any different from normal NC. If you think about it, one person goes NC, the other person isnt messaging usually anyway so you both are basically doing it. At one point someone is going to say something, even if its just "hey whats up". I think there are very few stories out there where the no one ever said anything again. The thing with NC that no one really talks about is you have to be ready for it. I look back on some things i said to my ex in emails and im like omg did i really do that, make myself look like an idiot? But the beauty of it is even if i wanted to break NC right now, i literally have nothing else to say, i mean i really dont, ive already said it all. You will always have things linger in your mind that you would want to say to them but the fact is you cant be in NC always thinking "i have one more thing to say". NC is weird because we always want an outcome from it, its human nature but i find myself sometimes thinking "wow this could really be it and she could really be happy with someone else for good". Thats the problem, we have to be able to say that we dont want someone in our life that will treat us the way they did. All this stuff is so simple, and even if we love the person, we know we never want to go through this again so whats that tell you.....basically you dont want that person, but our emotions hang on.
NeNinja Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 No matter what 'they' tell you No Contact is a not a method to get your ex girlfriend back. No Contact is a tool to get yourself back, to restore your confidence, to balance out your emotions, and to save face in front of your ex. These are all things you need to do if you want to get your ex back, sure, but no contact is not the process its a tool to help you in the process. Over the course of a month I have done an ok job sticking to no contact (it's been broken once) and am definitely seeing changes in the way I think about my ex and the relationship. I've taken her off of the pedestal and stopped idealizing what we had. I've identified my issues and taken steps to address them. I've also realized that none of this is going to happen overnight. Your relationship is over. Until you realize that you can't do ANYTHING. Take a step back. Look at what went right and what went wrong. Then learn from it. Heal your wounds. Fix your faults. Then you'll be ready to pursue a NEW relationship either with your ex or with someone else. You might surprise yourself. I noticed the other day when my phone rang that I had gone from 'Please let it be her.' to 'Please don't let it be her. I'm not ready for this yet.' Accept the end of the relationship. Then you can truly move forward...where ever that may be.
Recommended Posts