denise_xo Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 If you were a member of the opposite sex, would you date/have a relationship with yourself? And would you go for friends-with-benefits, short-term relationship/casual only, long-term relationship or other? Why? ----------------------------------- Inspired by the following comment from WTRanger in the Pedestal Effect thread: Nah.... I'm too much work
Els Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Oh God no. A relationship with no penis between either of us = bad.
Eeyore79 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that, Eeyore. It's especially interesting to hear from a woman who is considered a "good catch." I've found that these issues are usually raised by men. I actually had one guy say to me "I can't believe I'm dating a doctor! Who would have thought it; me and a beautiful doctor!" It just seemed really shallow, like he was dating me because I had a particular piece of paper and a nice face to go with it. Another guy said that he was looking to buy a house but couldn't afford it, "but it doesn't matter now because you own one" (yeah right, as if I'm just going to invite you to share my house!) He then proceeded to tell me how much better his standard of living would be because he wouldn't have rent or mortgage to pay when we eventually moved in together! I sometimes feel like I'm treated as merely a list of positive attributes that someone would want in a partner, not like a person in my own right. Over time I've learned to filter out people who aren't really compatible with me, who just want to date me because I tick certain boxes. I'm now dating someone who I'm genuinely compatible with; I'm sure he also likes my positive attributes, but we also have lots in common, and he loves and cares about me as a person. Moreover, he accepts my negative attributes and tries to help me with them - I like that he accepts my negative points and isn't only interested in the positive ones
Author january2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Of course I would!! It wouldn't be the easiest relationship in the world, but I can guarantee it'd be well worth its challenges! And singing Phantom songs to each other. yes, yes I would. Why would you, shayan? The biggest con I have to worry about is how many short relationships/flirts I've been in within the last couple of years. So thats the biggest con but hey. I gather it is a sign of the times so you may have to compromise on that one. Probably I would ask myself out...would tell me to get back with me...and then wouldn't return my calls later on. Aw, really Tony? Not even a callback or one date? Nah.... I'm too much work That's a shame, denise! Oh God no. A relationship with no penis between either of us = bad. You'd be a member of the opposite sex dating yourself -there'd be at least one penis involved... I actually had one guy say to me "I can't believe I'm dating a doctor! Who would have thought it; me and a beautiful doctor!" It just seemed really shallow, like he was dating me because I had a particular piece of paper and a nice face to go with it. Another guy said that he was looking to buy a house but couldn't afford it, "but it doesn't matter now because you own one" (yeah right, as if I'm just going to invite you to share my house!) He then proceeded to tell me how much better his standard of living would be because he wouldn't have rent or mortgage to pay when we eventually moved in together! I sometimes feel like I'm treated as merely a list of positive attributes that someone would want in a partner, not like a person in my own right. Over time I've learned to filter out people who aren't really compatible with me, who just want to date me because I tick certain boxes. I'm now dating someone who I'm genuinely compatible with; I'm sure he also likes my positive attributes, but we also have lots in common, and he loves and cares about me as a person. Moreover, he accepts my negative attributes and tries to help me with them - I like that he accepts my negative points and isn't only interested in the positive ones Eeyore, that's shocking what those men said to you. I'm surprised that you have not become jaded after those experiences. However, I'm very glad that you have found someone with whom you are compatible and who accepts you just as you are.
Els Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I'm not bad looking, and I guess I'd say I'm a reasonably good catch because I'm a decent person, educated and employed, own my home, able to cook, etc. I can be grumpy and untidy, but with the right person I can be very loyal and caring, so if I was a guy I guess I'd want to date me. I seem to attract a lot of guys who just want sex, and also a lot of incompatible guys who just want to date me because I tick certain boxes. I sort of fit the "pretty young doctor" stereotype, which attracts both the guys who want me as a bedpost notch and the guys who want me because I fit the mould of a "good catch". None of these guys actually want me for me. It took me a long time to figure this out, and to find someone who does want the real me, the person inside, not just the nice face or the "good catch". I think it's great that you figured this out! That's probably why I do not choose to 'advertise' myself when I first get to know people. If they do not want me without my 'ticked boxes' put on display', I am not interested in them either.
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