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Why do women feel the need to act like employers when they send you a rejection

PhillyDude

By PhillyDude
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SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

Posted
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Well it is better than nothing. :-/

Els Established Member

Els

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Geez. And I thought women read too much into things...

OceanGirl Established Member

OceanGirl

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Uh, I am guilty of this.

 

I just looked at my texts to couple of guys I rejected recently. To be fair, I only do it when I avoid/ignore and they still seem not to get the hint.

 

I said: "I enjoyed meeting but don't feel we have enough in common to pursue things further. Good luck in your search!"

 

 

Reality is: I am just not attracted to you, not even a little bit, not even when drunk, and if you were the last man on earth I would choose to become celibate.

 

Would that go over better? :o

 

---------------

 

A guy that rejected me recently wrote me a longish message that he has actually been seeing someone else for the last 2 months and they just became exclusive over the holiday break... He changed his status to "seeing someone" on OKC so he is probably telling the truth.

 

I responded nicely, just wishing him all the best and thanked him for letting me know.

 

So yeah, that's life - you reject some, others reject you.

OceanGirl Established Member

OceanGirl

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I said: "I enjoyed meeting but don't feel we have enough in common to pursue things further. Good luck in your search!"

 

I just looked at their responses. One guy didn't respond at all, the other wrote back this:

 

"I really can't believe this s%it. Wow, that's harsh to say that after only one date. U have gone from wanting to do something on new years to nothing in 5 secs flat? Wow just wow. I must have really turned you off :( I am extremely disspaointed in u. U seemed like a nice girl but I guess that was just a front??? I was excited all day about kissing u tomorrow. Now I have nothing. What the hell. I am deleting your number now."

 

I never responded and he never contacted me again.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

"I really can't believe this s%it. Wow, that's harsh to say that after only one date. U have gone from wanting to do something on new years to nothing in 5 secs flat? Wow just wow. I must have really turned you off :( I am extremely disspaointed in u. U seemed like a nice girl but I guess that was just a front??? I was excited all day about kissing u tomorrow. Now I have nothing. What the hell. I am deleting your number now."

 

hahaha..

 

He swears..tells you how disappointed in you he is then calls you a girl who isn't nice and accuses you of putting up a front after one date...

Then after being rejected tries to reject you by telling you he deleted your number..

Even though he sounded disappointed the guy could use some lessons in manners...

 

Think of how bad it would have been if you were mean ?

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted
Actually it would be good to say what you mean: I hope you keep trying and find someone special. Take care.

 

Something slightly more personal, a little more meaningful and considerate.

 

You know, I ALWAYS say "Good luck in your search! :)"! Always! But I like this much better, and will use it next time.

OceanGirl Established Member

OceanGirl

Posted
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You know, I ALWAYS say "Good luck in your search! :)"! Always! But I like this much better, and will use it next time.

 

Me too :o

 

Now that I think about it, it comes across as cold.

BobSacamento Established Member

BobSacamento

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Next time text back with:

 

"Who is this...?"

tami-chan Established Member

tami-chan

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This morning I woke and on my cell phone I read the text

 

"You are a great guy but I don't think it's going to work out because we are looking for different things. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH

 

 

Good luck in my search???? Is that a bit much?

 

I am sorry, but I did not read responses to this OP but when I read the title it just made me :D! Goodness, damn if you do and damn if you don't! I remember there was a thread here where men were complaining about women who just "disappear" and many of these men said they prefer to be told straight up...I did not know that mean they wanted to be told off-

 

Next time, I get asked out, I will try the direct approach and tell the guy " I don't want to go out with you". Hopefully,that will be enough but as experience have taught me, most men want to know why, in that case, my answer will be "because I do not like you". I hope that's not considered rude!

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted
Next time text back with:

 

"Who is this...?"

 

:lmao:

 

 

I just looked at their responses. One guy didn't respond at all, the other wrote back this:

 

"I really can't believe this s%it. Wow, that's harsh to say that after only one date. U have gone from wanting to do something on new years to nothing in 5 secs flat? Wow just wow. I must have really turned you off :( I am extremely disspaointed in u. U seemed like a nice girl but I guess that was just a front??? I was excited all day about kissing u tomorrow. Now I have nothing. What the hell. I am deleting your number now."

 

 

That guy is such a noob. You dodged a bullet OG

 

This morning I woke and on my cell phone I read the text

 

"You are a great guy but I don't think it's going to work out because we are looking for different things. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH

 

 

Good luck in my search???? Is that a bit much?

 

I've been thinking about this message while I read the thread, and it got me wondering, if I did decide to dump my bf via text, would

 

"You are a great guy but I don't think it's going to work out because we are looking for different things. I HOPE YOU AND YOUR HAND HAVE A LONG AND SATISFYING REALTIONSHIP."

 

be appropriate?:lmao: (Perhaps not)

Ariadne Established Member

Ariadne

Posted
Posted

I was excited all day about kissing u tomorrow. Now I have nothing. What the hell. I am deleting your number now."

 

:laugh:........

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
I will try the direct approach and tell the guy " I don't want to go out with you". Hopefully,that will be enough but as experience have taught me, most men want to know why, in that case, my answer will be "because I do not like you".

 

I personally think this is a great approach. The most common response I received was 'Thank you for the offer but I don't feel that way about you'. Some of those ladies went on to become friends because I respected their honesty and directness. Rejection, for most humans, always hurts to some degree, but clarity and respect go a long way towards making it a positive experience.

 

Beyond the first introduction dynamic, I leave things open-ended. If I ask a lady out whom I've been out on dates with and she needs to 'check her schedule' or 'get back to me', I leave it at that. 'OK, contact me when you are ready'. If 'ready' is never, no biggie. I don't need an explanation. I tend to 'end things' in person, so don't go into short or long-winded 'explanations' over the phone or via e-mail. If there's no meeting, that's an ending too. Most women know it's coming (women are really perceptive, and I like that) and simply stop contact. It all works out :)

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
if I did decide to dump my bf via text, would

 

"You are a great guy but I don't think it's going to work out because we are looking for different things. I HOPE YOU AND YOUR HAND HAVE A LONG AND SATISFYING REALTIONSHIP."

 

 

:lmao:......

irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

Another thing that keeps women from replying (if they aren't interested) is the fact, when they USED to reply that "we're not a good match"

 

The guy would reply back saying, "Well why not? I think we'd make a good match, what makes you think otherwise?"

 

After umpteen of these replies, a woman will eventually stop replying altogether, because they don't like having to explain why they aren't interested when they sh ould be interested to each an every man that asks this...this tends to be the USUAL (non-name caling version) of a reply.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

'Why' is a time-honored methodology used to negotiate and manipulate, getting another to engage in a dialog. More information can lead to avenues of pursuit to 'convince' or 'influence'. Men who do this do it because it works with many people, in both business and social situations. It's a fundamental precept of sales. In romance, one is 'selling' themselves as a worthy prospect. As the aggressor/pursuer, a man who accepts gets little reward in life and women find men with the biggest rewards to be the most attractive, hence the methodology. We see many anecdotes here on LS of a man 'wearing a woman down' and 'proving his love', leading to a successful relationship and marriage. If he accepted her initial rejection on its face, that never would have happened. This is all part of socialization. Women reject; men pursue.

irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

Right, and men have to determine whether or not men are crossing the line of "stalking" behavior when they do this

 

Unfortunately, I hear some "how we met stories" based on a husband chasing their future wife. ....and some guys heere these stories of how their friends met their future spouses in this manner, only to try what their friends tried, and be labeld as " creepy " lol

 

 

'Why' is a time-honored methodology used to negotiate and manipulate, getting another to engage in a dialog. More information can lead to avenues of pursuit to 'convince' or 'influence'. Men who do this do it because it works with many people, in both business and social situations. It's a fundamental precept of sales. In romance, one is 'selling' themselves as a worthy prospect. As the aggressor/pursuer, a man who accepts gets little reward in life and women find men with the biggest rewards to be the most attractive, hence the methodology. We see many anecdotes here on LS of a man 'wearing a woman down' and 'proving his love', leading to a successful relationship and marriage. If he accepted her initial rejection on its face, that never would have happened. This is all part of socialization. Women reject; men pursue.
irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

In some situations, some women WILL snap at a guy and say, "Listen back off! I don't want to have to explain myself to you...leave me alone!!"

 

Does it have to get to that point, though?

 

There are SOME states that have Stalking laws similar to Human Resources policies...that asking a woman out once...is okay, ask her out a 2nd time when she said no the FIRST time, is an offense (no joke, there are a few states that have this)

Banker Chick Established Member

Banker Chick

Posted
Posted

I'm also someone that's had to give the canned "don't think we're a good match, good luck with your search" response. I used to try to be more personal but either got rude responses or "can you be more specific about what you felt was lacking?". Ugh.

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted
'Why'

 

In some situations, some women WILL snap at a guy and say, "Listen back off! I don't want to have to explain myself to you...leave me alone!!"

 

Does it have to get to that point, though?

 

 

I think so, because

 

Them:Why?

Us: Because you have a small penis

Them: Well you don't have to be a bitch

 

so "Listen back off! I don't want to have to explain myself to you...leave me alone!!" seems preferable to full on honesty.

oaks Established Member

oaks

Posted
Posted

Some great ideas in this thread - thanks for sharing!

 

The most 'brutally honest' rejection I had, in response to me asking for a second date, was something like "nothing's going to happen, so no". Not quite "I didn't like you" but I got the message! Still, she was polite and wished me luck etc.

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