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Why do women feel the need to act like employers when they send you a rejection

PhillyDude

By PhillyDude
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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

Posted
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This morning I woke and on my cell phone I read the text

 

"You are a great guy but I don't think it's going to work out because we are looking for different things. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH

 

 

Good luck in my search???? Is that a bit much?

Keridan Established Member

Keridan

Posted
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I imagine she just sucks at letting people down. Some women don't want to hurt your feelings and they have no idea how to be graceful about it.

 

Try to resist the urge to send back "Thank you for the opportunity to be considered. Please let me know if you have any openings in the future!" because that just would not help.

january2011 Established Member

january2011

Posted
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Try to resist the urge to send back "Thank you for the opportunity to be considered. Please let me know if you have any openings in the future!" because that just would not help.

 

:laugh:

 

You don't mention how long you'd been together, but in my opinion, texting is a pretty poor way to tell someone that they've dumped. Though, you could always try looking on the bright side, at least she didn't disappear off the face of the earth.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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Good luck in my search???? Is that a bit much?

 

 

Dude..

 

If she had just gone silent and never told you anything and ignored your calls and emails you would be complaining that the very least she could do was send you a quick text..

 

Would you rather her say something hurtful instead of just nice ?

 

I see it as damned if you do damned if you don't unless you accept that she took the time out of her day and sent you the nice text.. now you know that you and her are not a good fit...

Keridan Established Member

Keridan

Posted
Posted
Dude..

 

If she had just gone silent and never told you anything and ignored your calls and emails you would be complaining that the very least she could do was send you a quick text..

 

Would you rather her say something hurtful instead of just nice ?

 

I see it as damned if you do damned if you don't unless you accept that she took the time out of her day and sent you the nice text.. now you know that you and her are not a good fit...

 

Good point AC, as usual. It is nice of her to at least say something. There might have been better ways to phrase it (hell, there might not), but either way, she did try to politely let you know what was going on. Wish all women were that considerate!

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

Posted
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:laugh:

 

You don't mention how long you'd been together, but in my opinion, texting is a pretty poor way to tell someone that they've dumped. Though, you could always try looking on the bright side, at least she didn't disappear off the face of the earth.

 

 

It was only a couple of months and we went on a 1st date 3 weeks ago.

alexlakeman Established Member

alexlakeman

Posted
Posted

Welcome to 2011 :D ... I do it the same way.. I just have several text scripts saved in my cell, so I can just pick and choose... here:

 

I have to be true to myself. You sound like an upbeat and pleasant woman, but I'm going to pass. All the best in your search.

 

OR

 

I'm going to have to pass on tonight's date & this match thing. Good luck in your search.

 

If those don't apply, I hit shoot this text out:

 

It was great meeting you, but I don't feel the spark I was looking for. Gd luck on your search..

 

Worse case:

 

I had a great time, but I don't think we're a good match. Gd luck on your search.

 

FOrget it... I didn't realize I had so many text scripts.. BUt you get the idea.. lol, she was just being "text correct" and polite.. blow it off, don't worry about it.. BUT always better to be the dumper than the dumpee.. :(

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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There might have been better ways to phrase it

 

 

how about this for rephrasing... :laugh:

 

"Sorry I can't go out with you anymore..your breath stinks and makes me want to vomit..besides.. I'm seeing someone else that I like better...later..and lose my email and phone number."

 

Now that would be mean and would have been a sucky way to be let down...

 

PhillyDude.. When a woman uses lines like that they just want to let you know that it isn't going to work and really don't want to hurt you or lead you on...

Sorry it didn't work out.. I have heard and used that line before and when ever I heard it I just acknowledged that it wasn't me and move on...

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PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

Posted
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how about this for rephrasing... :laugh:

 

"Sorry I can't go out with you anymore..your breath stinks and makes me want to vomit..besides.. I'm seeing someone else that I like better...later..and lose my email and phone number."

 

Now that would be mean and would have been a sucky way to be let down...

 

PhillyDude.. When a woman uses lines like that they just want to let you know that it isn't going to work and really don't want to hurt you or lead you on...

Sorry it didn't work out.. I have heard and used that line before and when ever I heard it I just acknowledged that it wasn't me and move on...

 

 

I would have accepted the"I met another guy" line a lot better

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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I would have accepted the"I met another guy" line a lot better

 

That's what I meant by it being a damned if you do damned if you don't deal..

 

I would imagine many guys reply's back to her if she used the "I meant another guy" would be " biotvh, thanks for wasting my time "

A reply telling you she met someone else is really kind of mean

 

You need to get a thicker skin if you are going to do online dating.. being upset over words she used really isn't something you should be right now..

 

You should have the attitude "Next".. then go out with someone else...

january2011 Established Member

january2011

Posted
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It was only a couple of months and we went on a 1st date 3 weeks ago.

 

Ah, not long. I'm sorry it didn't work out. Being dumped is pretty sh*tty no matter the method or circumstances. Though you don't seem to be overly concerned, which is something to be thankful for, I guess.

johan Established Member

johan

Posted
Posted

Art has a point: she took the time and made the effort. Which is good. But the problem is she took the time and made the effort to send some empty words. It's kind of like a form letter. You're excited when you see you've gotten something, but then feel annoyed when you realize the nice words in the letter really don't mean anything. It was condescending for them to even send it. Like they think you're too thick-headed to figure it out.

 

People should remember to be sincere. Why not take the time to think and write something like "I hope you end up finding someone who is truly capable of having a deep and caring relationship (with a neanderthal)." Or maybe even just leave out the part in parentheses.

 

Actually it would be good to say what you mean: I hope you keep trying and find someone special. Take care.

 

Something slightly more personal, a little more meaningful and considerate.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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BUT always better to be the dumper than the dumpee.. :(

 

This is true.. it's because you aren't being rejected.. you are the one doing the rejecting.

When I had realized that it wasn't going to work and used a line to breakup with with someone I was already past all the "but... if only and what if's" and as such I was already moving on...

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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You're excited when you see you've gotten something, but then feel annoyed when you realize the nice words in the letter really don't mean anything.

 

I can see that...

I guess you would have to know why she left out some of the personal touch and made it cold..

Maybe in her past whenever she has dumped a guy, it is better for her to be cold and not so chummy..

Some times guys will think the chummy or friendly words can mean they still have a chance and then the guy makes a fool out of himself running with those words...

 

PhillyDude.. Johan is correct too.. I see where you are coming from.. but it is time to blow her off as it being her and be thankful you didn't waste anymore time with her...

Keridan Established Member

Keridan

Posted
Posted
how about this for rephrasing... :laugh:

 

"Sorry I can't go out with you anymore..your breath stinks and makes me want to vomit..besides.. I'm seeing someone else that I like better...later..and lose my email and phone number."

 

Now that would be mean and would have been a sucky way to be let down...

 

PhillyDude.. When a woman uses lines like that they just want to let you know that it isn't going to work and really don't want to hurt you or lead you on...

Sorry it didn't work out.. I have heard and used that line before and when ever I heard it I just acknowledged that it wasn't me and move on...

 

AC, you forgot part of my sentence there :p

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
AC, you forgot part of my sentence there :p

 

Sorry Keridan.. it seemed like a funnier sentence without it :laugh:

pookster72 Established Member

pookster72

Posted
Posted
I imagine she just sucks at letting people down. Some women don't want to hurt your feelings and they have no idea how to be graceful about it.

 

Try to resist the urge to send back "Thank you for the opportunity to be considered. Please let me know if you have any openings in the future!" because that just would not help.

lol i think you should send that as a response.

Keridan Established Member

Keridan

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Posted
Keridan...seemed...funnier :laugh:

 

Okay, I can agree with that! ;)

dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

Posted
Posted

I would send her back the message:

 

"Oh yeah, welll, goood luck in youuuuurrr search!!!! :p :P"

 

That'll teach her.

daphne Established Member

daphne

Posted
Posted
Dude..

 

If she had just gone silent and never told you anything and ignored your calls and emails you would be complaining that the very least she could do was send you a quick text..

 

Would you rather her say something hurtful instead of just nice ?

 

I see it as damned if you do damned if you don't unless you accept that she took the time out of her day and sent you the nice text.. now you know that you and her are not a good fit...

 

I totally agree. People bitch on here constantly about "Why didn't they at least say they weren't interested, I'd rather hear that than nothing." Basically, people don't like rejection and I think this is the defense mechanism against it.

 

Nobody likes rejection. But if this is the petty way people receive it, perhaps I should stop wishing someone well because I thought enough of him as a person to be straight and let him know it's nobody's fault, just not a match.

daphne Established Member

daphne

Posted
Posted
Good point AC, as usual. It is nice of her to at least say something. There might have been better ways to phrase it (hell, there might not), but either way, she did try to politely let you know what was going on. Wish all women were that considerate!

 

I think that the only way a rejected person can see it as being better worded is if it doesn't include anything about rejection. It was pretty upbeat and not taking digs.

alexlakeman Established Member

alexlakeman

Posted
Posted
I would send her back the message:

 

"Oh yeah, welll, goood luck in youuuuurrr search!!!! :p :P"

 

That'll teach her.

 

Childish and immature AND she will know she had the upper hand.. in my opinion, PUT her sing tone on silent, so you never answer her calls again, and do NOT text or call her.. leave her wondering...

irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

I do have to give credit to wome that DO respond if they are not interested.

 

Because MOST of my emails just plain go unanswered, and I have been known at times to re-send an email to some women that have ignored me (perhaps maybe I forgot I emailed the before, or perhaps the woman gets bombarded by emails and perhaps she might've overlooked it the first time.)

 

Unfortunately, I have met some women who used to give the "stock 'not intereste'" response...only to finally realize men get ticked off with that response....usually getting mad at them and making some cocky, smark aleck response to their rejection.

 

After so many of those, women just STOP responding altogether.

dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

Posted
Posted
Childish and immature AND she will know she had the upper hand.. in my opinion, PUT her sing tone on silent, so you never answer her calls again, and do NOT text or call her.. leave her wondering...

 

That's my point, she didn't do anything wrong. I can't even write a semi-joking calling-her-out text message. All she did was say she was not interested and wished him luck. It's a pretty positive and upbeat message.

Jazzari Established Member

Jazzari

Posted
Posted

What's wong with wishing someone good luck in their search? What message could she have written that you would have preferred?

 

I thought it was polite, friendly and conclusive. Not mean, but no room for misinterpretation either. Most guys don't do subtle, so I think its good to be clear.

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