pieturli Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 We did not break up because of fighting or cheating. She no longer felt "that feeling" for me, even though we tried to get it back. We decided that we want to be friends (at least on some level, probably not "BFF's" or anything like that). It all seems very clear cut, the reasons for the break up are all clear to me and to her. I was moving along nicely, about 3 weeks after the break up I felt a whole bunch better. So why have I suddenly felt bad about it again for the past week or so? Admittedly, it could have something to do with the fact that I found out she had had some kind of party-night fling with a guy I know, that certainly made me feel like ****. They do not have anything serious going on, that much I know, but obviously that sort of thing still hurts a whole bunch. Still, it seems weird to me that I was feeling so much better, I was genuinely interested in other women, perhaps more so than my ex. I even sometimes felt that if she was to ask me to get back together with her, I would not. Anyone else experienced similar feelings?
krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Big time yes! mines similar scenario to you mate she broke up to be friends blah blah blah now she is stone cold. had a lapse NYE then picked up and was flying all up until friday evening she deleted me and all mutual friends from Facebook.... didn't think that would bother me but it has massively. get the feelings they are just trying to move on and FAST. that sucks and its only been two weeks
Author pieturli Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Big time yes! mines similar scenario to you mate she broke up to be friends blah blah blah now she is stone cold. had a lapse NYE then picked up and was flying all up until friday evening she deleted me and all mutual friends from Facebook.... didn't think that would bother me but it has massively. get the feelings they are just trying to move on and FAST. that sucks and its only been two weeks Ouch:( That sucks. Keep in mind that she is probably hurting as well, even though she initiated the break up. Deleting you from facebook could be just her making it easier for herself, I know thats what I did when my ex left. If its only been 2 weeks, I hardly find it surprising that you feel like ****, I know I did. We just gotta give it some time then I suppose:)
mmiller5373 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 pieturli, you're going to go back and forth. You'll have strong days, strong weeks, strong months... then all of a sudden, you'll have a set back. My ex left me at the end of August. I fought her about it for about a week, then accepted it was over for good. I was okay for a week, but then I started missing her again. Because of that feeling, I spent the next few weeks calling her way too much... she told me to leave her alone. I was okay for about a month, then I contacted her again, which made me feel bad about things again. I've been NC for about 5 weeks now... which is the longest I've gone. I'm feeling better. The less you know, the better. Stay NC and try to detach yourself from her as much as possible.
Author pieturli Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 pieturli, you're going to go back and forth. You'll have strong days, strong weeks, strong months... then all of a sudden, you'll have a set back. My ex left me at the end of August. I fought her about it for about a week, then accepted it was over for good. I was okay for a week, but then I started missing her again. Because of that feeling, I spent the next few weeks calling her way too much... she told me to leave her alone. I was okay for about a month, then I contacted her again, which made me feel bad about things again. I've been NC for about 5 weeks now... which is the longest I've gone. I'm feeling better. The less you know, the better. Stay NC and try to detach yourself from her as much as possible. Yep, NC is definitely the way to go. We have occasionally been in contact but only if we have had something that we seriously wanted to talk over, like the aforementioned bar-night fling. Thanks for the advice, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one:P
mmiller5373 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 NC means no contact, which means you shouldn't be talking with her about anything unless you live together, have children, or have some obligations that are still left over from the relationship. The longer you keep talking to her, the more you'll put off your healing. Trust me. If I had stopped contacting my ex back in August, I'd probably be over her now and dating some other hot squeeze. Don't do it to yourself.
Author pieturli Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 NC means no contact, which means you shouldn't be talking with her about anything unless you live together, have children, or have some obligations that are still left over from the relationship. The longer you keep talking to her, the more you'll put off your healing. Trust me. If I had stopped contacting my ex back in August, I'd probably be over her now and dating some other hot squeeze. Don't do it to yourself. Yes I understand, and we have been NC for most of the time. We only talked when there was something in regards to the breakup that I had to know or other some such things. A full NC policy has been instituted now, we will only talk when we are both completely over it. I know that stuff still technically counts as cheating on NC, but I had to know that stuff:P Everything is clear now though, so there is no reason to talk.
DellPickle Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Been like that too...it happens...I had a devastating breakup a year ago, took me a while to get over it...once in a blue moon I would have dreams about us getting back together which always made for a crappy day following that...keep strong, you'll heal!
Author pieturli Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Been like that too...it happens...I had a devastating breakup a year ago, took me a while to get over it...once in a blue moon I would have dreams about us getting back together which always made for a crappy day following that...keep strong, you'll heal! Thanks:) The dreams are definitely a whole heap o bull****! Very unpleasant...
Byren Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I'm totally experiencing that right now too, here's a brief rundown... Week 1: Total mess. I went through all of the begging, crying and attempts at reconciliation with her but, of course, it didn't work. Week 2: I properly initiate NC for the first time and try to avoid her as much as I can. During this week she manages to see me once, but I was drunk and therefore didn't care, coming off as happy. (win!) Week 3: She makes plans at the beginning of the week to come over to move her stuff out, but since we live(d) with mutual friends I asked them to help her whilst I make a quick getaway to my dad's. I get a call and she's all upset, hoping that I'd be there. She cries and I comfort her, and then she asks if I want a hand moving my stuff around when I get back. I slip up and say that I don't need the help but she's welcome to come over if she likes. She comes over, we do nothing but talk, I feel upset and tell her that I just can't see her right now since every time I do I feel as though I'm picking at a partially healed wound. Week 4: I come back home a few days after new year to find her hanging out with our friends, which is fine, but it was an unexpected slap in the face; she's looking prettier than ever. She has a present for me, I hug her, she goes off. The following day she comes round again to sort out money and we have a chat about hanging out with mutual friends. I tell her that I literally can't be in the same house as her for the pain. She understands, appologises for the pain she's putting me through and tells me that she is thankful for being able to tell her this and for handling this whole thing with dignity. Week 5 (this week): She's been faithful to my wishes and I haven't seen or heard from her in a week. I thought I'd feel better but I feel just as bad as I did during week one. I find myself fantasizing about us getting back together, but I know that she would just flat out reject the idea. I hope I'm not hijacking this thread, (that wasn't my intention anyway!) but I just wanted to show the up and downs that it seems that we all go through. This site fills me with a lot of confidence that one day the pain will be gone and, like many people before us, we will continue on with happy and fulfilling lives.
Author pieturli Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 I'm totally experiencing that right now too, here's a brief rundown... Week 1: Total mess. I went through all of the begging, crying and attempts at reconciliation with her but, of course, it didn't work. Week 2: I properly initiate NC for the first time and try to avoid her as much as I can. During this week she manages to see me once, but I was drunk and therefore didn't care, coming off as happy. (win!) Week 3: She makes plans at the beginning of the week to come over to move her stuff out, but since we live(d) with mutual friends I asked them to help her whilst I make a quick getaway to my dad's. I get a call and she's all upset, hoping that I'd be there. She cries and I comfort her, and then she asks if I want a hand moving my stuff around when I get back. I slip up and say that I don't need the help but she's welcome to come over if she likes. She comes over, we do nothing but talk, I feel upset and tell her that I just can't see her right now since every time I do I feel as though I'm picking at a partially healed wound. Week 4: I come back home a few days after new year to find her hanging out with our friends, which is fine, but it was an unexpected slap in the face; she's looking prettier than ever. She has a present for me, I hug her, she goes off. The following day she comes round again to sort out money and we have a chat about hanging out with mutual friends. I tell her that I literally can't be in the same house as her for the pain. She understands, appologises for the pain she's putting me through and tells me that she is thankful for being able to tell her this and for handling this whole thing with dignity. Week 5 (this week): She's been faithful to my wishes and I haven't seen or heard from her in a week. I thought I'd feel better but I feel just as bad as I did during week one. I find myself fantasizing about us getting back together, but I know that she would just flat out reject the idea. I hope I'm not hijacking this thread, (that wasn't my intention anyway!) but I just wanted to show the up and downs that it seems that we all go through. This site fills me with a lot of confidence that one day the pain will be gone and, like many people before us, we will continue on with happy and fulfilling lives. Oh yeah, the pain will be gone eventually:) I had a thread on here about the "denial fantasies", the fantasizing about getting back together, and how some psychologists think its actually just a defense mechanism to get us through the worst of it. I DEFINITELY have denial fantasies, although they are becoming more and more infrequent. Anyways, she sounds like a smart lady for respecting your wishes and understanding that it will take a while before you can see her without feeling terrible. Same story with my ex:)
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