cj2 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 My original break up story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256576/ So basically I’ve found out that she is now in relationship with another guy after 2 months from her breaking off our 3 year relationship. He was a mutual acquaintance, we both knew him from our ski season where we first met. She had been texting him a bit in the last month or so we were together as he worked in journalism and she was eyeing up a career swap. They met up a week before our break up to talk about it. I found out through some friends that she has been travelling up to Birmingham a bit, where he lives, since we broke up. I looked him up on Facebook and low and behold his profile picture was of the two of them. I sounded her out on it and sent her an email asking if she was with him and if it had any bearing on her decision to up and leave me. She replied saying no, it had come about since and that she wasn’t happy that I was scrutinising her life. I sent a reply saying that it yes it was her life to live, but that I think I have right to ask questions when she starts a relationship with someone who she insisted was just a friend straight after she breaks up with me. I’m pretty much broken all over again at the moment, but at least this provides some definitive closure on the whole thing. I don’t think I will ever talk to her again. Do you think I did the right thing by telling her I knew?
darran Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) to be honest, I got the same lol...its not funny and does hurt. my ex met some guy...while we were seeing each other, she was still very much into me at this point and didn't like him in that way at all until we broke up and about 4 weeks later starts seeing this guy! rebound? God knows but I have to just leave them be and so should you. what goes through your head is normal. best thing you can do is let em be and leave it. 3yrs is long enough. Unless she checked out long before leaving you then she may be with this guy to ease the pain on herself, or she may well actually like him. You wont know and should try, as hard as it is (Im in same boat) to try, not to dwell on it and start focussing more on yourself all the time. Keep telling yourself "she aint coming back" repeatedly...ya know. Moving on is a good thing. Im trying like hell mate to do it. Hard but it has to be a good thing Edited January 9, 2011 by darran
Karma20 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 If telling her you know makes you feel better then that's all that matters. Trust me this guy had a part in her decision to leave you. Cut contact and move forward.
carhill Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 This isn't uncommon for women IME, and especially for women who cheat, which it appears your ex might have done with a past BF. Glad the memo is firmly emblazoned now. Assume a woman is single for ten seconds and most of that time will be inside an existing relationship. If you run into an anomaly, one who actually believes in being single for a significant period of time between relationships, assign that person significance, as she may better match up with your relationship style. That said, what she does after your break-up is none of your beeswax, the same as what you do is none of hers. Her behavior and/or propriety are no longer any of your concern, though I do understand your anger and hurt. She is the past now. I hope you liked yourself when you were with her as such will provide comforting and pleasant memories you can carry forward. Erase her now and enjoy the big wide world of potentials at your feet. Life goes on
january2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I think I have right to ask questions when she starts a relationship with someone who she insisted was just a friend straight after she breaks up with me. No, you don't. I agree with Carhill. It's none of your business. In terms of putting things into perspective, you might find this advice helpful: You are worrying about someone who is no longer in your life. I understand that at one point they were a big part of your life. But they are not anymore. If you spent half the time you spend worrying about your ex, on the people who are actually a very big part of your life right at this very moment, you might just have stronger relationships with those that want to be in your life. Fact is, people move on. And while your ex is out 'moving on' in whatever way they see fit, you are not. Why? Because you are too busy being focused on someone who is clearly not focused on you. Does that make much sense? Every moment you spend worrying about them, is a moment lost worrying about yourself. You only have one person in this life time to count on. You. By staying focused on your ex, you are not only ignoring your needs and wants, but you are preventing yourself from healing and becoming a better 'you'. How are you supposed to love and respect yourself, when you are constantly thinking about someone who is hurting you emotionally? From: Wondering what/how your ex is doing...
vivrantflo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Consider it a blessing in disguise that she is now out of your life. She started dating you a month after she left her previous man, so her moving on two months (as far as you know) after you two broke up shouldn't surprise you. She's sneaky, has wandering eyes, and can't control her alcohol, which is unattractive to the extreme. She says you take life too seriously cause you have goals to be secure and build a family. If her idea of living life is sending out naughty texts to men, and getting highly intoxicated as if she's 16 years old, then let her be. She can't even own up to her betrayal. She claims she felt different about your relationship after finding out that you read her diary. Never mind the fact that she was betraying you through texts, but you went through her diary, so you're the villain. Give yourself some time to heal, and step outside the situation, and you'll see that this was probably the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Author cj2 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 No, you don't. I agree with Carhill. It's none of your business. In terms of putting things into perspective, you might find this advice helpful: You're right, what she is up to now is none of my business. But I suppose I felt like if she was getting emotionally involved with this guy prior to breaking up with me and wanted to be with him, she should have told me that at the time. At least it's drawn a firm line under the whole thing. I don't want her back, I'm pretty sure I don't want her in my life ever again and I can stop dwelling on the past now and concentrate on myself and the people who mean something to me
january2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) You're right, what she is up to now is none of my business. But I suppose I felt like if she was getting emotionally involved with this guy prior to breaking up with me and wanted to be with him, she should have told me that at the time. At least it's drawn a firm line under the whole thing. I don't want her back, I'm pretty sure I don't want her in my life ever again and I can stop dwelling on the past now and concentrate on myself and the people who mean something to me Yes, I agree, perhaps she should have. Would it have made much difference to the outcome though? In reality, all bets are off when the relationship breaks up and dumpees forfeit their rights to any explanations. I guess that's why, in the end, the explanation is not important and dumpees usually achieve closure on their own without any/minimal input from the dumper. I am glad that the latest experience has brought you closure. Edited January 9, 2011 by january2011
Movingthrough Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I hate that 90 percent of posts on here are all about the same thing, it happened to me too. My ex moved on right after to me but to be honest, she did it to get to me so i shouldnt be surprised. Personally i dont understand how people can say the L word and make future plans only to dump you off and move to someone else. While it may not help, there were obviously issues beforehand, just like mine. In some ways we are at fault for thinking we were different, all we can do is make sure it doesnt happen again.
Author cj2 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 While it may not help, there were obviously issues beforehand, just like mine. In some ways we are at fault for thinking we were different, all we can do is make sure it doesnt happen again. Agree with that one dude. I thought I was different because of all the things she said "you are the only person I've ever wanted to marry/have children with", "you changed my life for the better" etc. But in the end I got tossed out on the scrapheap just like the rest of them. Lesson learnt the hard way, you can't fix people, they have to do it for themselves.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) My stbx left in May, but it was up in the air (so she says) until August when she proclaimed its over.. my 4yr old son has dropped some dudes name numerous times, looks like she has a bf already. Our sons birthday was saturday, she and her family went out to eat and apparently he was there too. That hurt pretty bad when i found out. Pretty sure she met this guy before she left. I hope it fails miserably. Edited January 10, 2011 by marqueemoon4
darran Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 But in the end I got tossed out on the scrapheap just like the rest of them. What's nuts about that is it was me who did the idiotic stuff for her to leave! I actually lost a great catch! What I find crazy with being dumped is its almost always over 2 reasons. 1) spark was lost and fallen out of love (which happens anyway at some stage - thats probably why people say its hard work keeping a real relationship alive) 2) the DUMPED did something very hurtful for the dumper to walk Funny, I've experience both now! Ah well... we live and we definitely learn.
confusiondancer Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Count your blessings. It only took four days for my ex to get back in the more...literal...saddle.
ResetReality Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 lol 4 days? try 1 day, straight after we broke up, now THAT hurts, especially as she told me eye to eye while she was crying and swore there was no one else! man, im so glad she dumped me, i was starting to give her so much i forgot who i was!
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