Mrlonelyone Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 A $41t test does not involve cheating. It's usually something relatively minor. Something used to challenge the man and see how he will react. i.e. Talking to exes and letting the man know they are talking. A weak man will be agitated, a strong man will not be sweat it. i.e. Throwing a small insult your way but in a playful way. Like calling you a jerk or an ********* or something. A strong man will playfully throw one back at her, or ignore it. Theoretically test is there to see how dominant the man is. As this theory goes a dominant male will take these things in his stride and/or dismiss them...He certainly won't back away from a challenge. Such a male further won't react with anger towards his woman. Which leads me to my situation. I wrote a love email to a woman with a BF. IF she showed it to her BF it could only have been a $1it test for both of us. To see how we would handle the situation. Neither backed away, but he lost his cool. I used humor which he clearly did not get or needed to have explained to him. It ended with her creating a second FB page in her name, blocking me from her main page, and staying in touch via the new page. (So I guess that match was a draw). That was a test to see which suitor had the stronger will. Actual cheating would not be a $4it test. i.e. in my situation suppose she slept with me without breaking up with him. That would not be any kind of test that would be BS. I would have not wanted her if she did him like that.
daphne Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 My response was that I was going on a date and my car was dirty. Could she give it a clean? :lmao:
daphne Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I think it's a question of maturity levels. When I was in my early 20's, I was already divorced and fairly distrustful of men. And when I got divorced, every one of his friends came after me, and I got hit on quite a bit. Not knowing what I wanted and not trusting guys, I did test them to see who would stick it out & not become an ass (my ex was violent.) I don't need to do things like that anymore. I have a much better barometer for personality types and see the subtleties of how people react to different situations.
irc333 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 A lot of women will do it until they can FIND someone who they can get away with murder with. If a guy sends them on their way, they'll keep searching for a schmuck. Another thread has prompted me to ask this question: Do Women Test Guys To See If He Will Be A Doormat? Something I've read quite a number of times on this forum is women quite often write something along the lines of: "I want a man who doesn't take crap from me" Does this mean that women will deliberately behave badly to a guy in order to test him and see if he will take crap from her? I've encountered poor behaviour in previous relationships. Sometimes I've taken it and sometimes I got angry which has either led to the end of the relationship or it has been damaged by the womens bad behaviour. This is an area where I want to understand why a women behaves badly - is it a test or is she simply a bitch? If some womens bad behaviour is a test (and I disagree with such tests) then rather than doing nothing or getting angry resulting in the end of the relationship I want to respond in a much more dignified way. Any advice?
mo mo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 A lot of women will do it until they can FIND someone who they can get away with murder with. If a guy sends them on their way, they'll keep searching for a schmuck. I think that the game-playing women actually get turned on by the guy that puts them in their place.. however, by the time that happens the guy has probably lost all interest. It's happened with me.
gurlboho1 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 ...And there are others who like to test people for entertainment purposes. I really agree with this statement. The problem with it is that these people don't like this treatment anymore than the people they're doing it to. So if you inadvertently do the same to them, they respond as if they are so in shock,angry, hurt, etc...causing a viscous cycle. but hey...some people like this type of stuff in a relationship to keep it..."interesting"?
Author Castillo Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 I'm quite a relaxed & laid back kind of guy - though not too much. I just like an easy, non stressful life. I wonder whether the poor behaviour I have experienced in some relationships has been due to the woman has pushed a boundary a little and I've let her get away with it. So she pushes a bit more until the boundary breach becomes intolerable and warrants much stronger words and actions. This leads to a huge arguement and either the relationship is then damaged or it ends there. I feel now that if I encounter small boundary breaches in future relationships then I need to act firmly and swiftly (not over the top, but firm and measured) to re-establish where my boundaries are. If that doesn't work then we are not suited.
gurlboho1 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 very well said CASTILLO... "...then we are not suited". i think if more of us accepted that reality, life/relationships would be much smoother. but i think people like to push boundaries and get "reactions" all too often.
dispatch3d Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Women testing guys to see if they are pushovers are **** tests. However, sleeping with another guy isn't really a **** test I don't think. She isn't really testing any of your boundaries when she does that. She's just giving into her emotional needs rather than thinking logically about how what she's doing in the present moment is going to negatively effect her and people around her in the future.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Another thread has prompted me to ask this question: Do Women Test Guys To See If He Will Be A Doormat? Something I've read quite a number of times on this forum is women quite often write something along the lines of: "I want a man who doesn't take crap from me" Does this mean that women will deliberately behave badly to a guy in order to test him and see if he will take crap from her? I've encountered poor behaviour in previous relationships. Sometimes I've taken it and sometimes I got angry which has either led to the end of the relationship or it has been damaged by the womens bad behaviour. This is an area where I want to understand why a women behaves badly - is it a test or is she simply a bitch? If some womens bad behaviour is a test (and I disagree with such tests) then rather than doing nothing or getting angry resulting in the end of the relationship I want to respond in a much more dignified way. Any advice? Yes, the vast majority of women do this. It seems like a subconscious reflex. Some men do it to, the difference is that it's more often intentional. Children do this too. They push their parents boundaries to see what types of behavior they can get away with.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 No, you're totally right. I don't deny that. I kind of just want to ask her straight up, "why are you with me?" Don't you realize that her answer does NOT matter? The better question is one you should be asking yourself. Why haven't you launched her already? Why are you still with a girl who's in love with her ex and has slept with someone else while with you? If you don't have self-respect, she's not going to respect you either. Very few people will.
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