Castillo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Another thread has prompted me to ask this question: Do Women Test Guys To See If He Will Be A Doormat? Something I've read quite a number of times on this forum is women quite often write something along the lines of: "I want a man who doesn't take crap from me" Does this mean that women will deliberately behave badly to a guy in order to test him and see if he will take crap from her? I've encountered poor behaviour in previous relationships. Sometimes I've taken it and sometimes I got angry which has either led to the end of the relationship or it has been damaged by the womens bad behaviour. This is an area where I want to understand why a women behaves badly - is it a test or is she simply a bitch? If some womens bad behaviour is a test (and I disagree with such tests) then rather than doing nothing or getting angry resulting in the end of the relationship I want to respond in a much more dignified way. Any advice?
kdark Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Google ***** test. It's something pretty much all women do subconciously, and some women do deliberately.
kdark Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Google ***** test. It's something pretty much all women do subconciously, and some women do deliberately. Damn filters. S H I T test is what it's called.
january2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I suggest drawing a line and not letting your partner cross it. If you know yourself and what's important to you, then this should be relatively easy to do. I agree that some people push boundaries in their relationships, it's who they are, whether it's because they had bad experiences in the past and don't want to repeat them or because they have a list of criteria they need their future partner to meet and they're working through that list. And there are others who like to test people for entertainment purposes.
denise_xo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Like all the other good guy/bad guy threads, I can't really relate to this at all. Maybe it's a cultural thing. When I meet someone, it wouldn't occur to me to 'test' them. I don't want to be 'tested', either. I would just want us to get to know each other in a genuine, honest and respectful way, to find out if we're compatible or not. Maybe I'm old fashioned or something
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Every relationship I've had... the woman has alluded to the thought of crossing that line. And I said do it and seeee yaaa. This relationship I'm in now... ha, I was ok with her seeing her ex still b/c she loves him. I know she does. I can't change that. I like her too. Only way she'll see me was to be ok with it. Eventually.. she crossed the line and hooked up with someone else... and I launched her so fast out of my life, she was begging to come back. Now we're dating exclusively and she knows if she even kisses her ex she shouldn't ever call me or text... It's a piece of sh*t test, but most women do it unintentionally, I find.
Author Castillo Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) Damn filters. S H I T test is what it's called. Looked it up and from what I've read so far it does make some sense - especially with the really good looking ones I've dated. Long story short. Complicated FWB relationship ended two months ago because she asked me to fix her PC. This was so that she could chat to a married man she was seeing. She didn't tell me this, but I knew why she wanted it fixed. My response was that I was going on a date and my car was dirty. Could she give it a clean? She went ballistic and left voice messages about how disrespectful I was I feel my response was childish and was giving her a taste of her own medicine, but I felt I had no other option than to reply in that way even though it meant the end of the relationship. She lost my respect with that request. Edited January 9, 2011 by Castillo cfdff
january2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 My response was that I was going on a date and my car was dirty. Could she give it a clean? I agree, it was childish, but I LOLed anyway.
musemaj11 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 **** test seems to be only common among younger women under 25.
denise_xo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Long story short. Complicated FWB relationship ended two months ago because she asked me to fix her PC. This was so that she could chat to a married man she was seeing. She didn't tell me this, but I knew why she wanted it fixed. My response was that I was going on a date and my car was dirty. Could she give it a clean? She went ballistic and left voice messages about how disrespectful I was I feel my response was childish and was giving her a taste of her own medicine, but I felt I had no other option than to reply in that way even though it meant the end of the relationship. She lost my respect with that request. That's hysterical
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Damn Castillo, that's like a girl asking if you could drive her over another guy's house. that's just ****ed up.
Titania22 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Damn filters. S H I T test is what it's called. I looked this up. I have never heard of such a thing. Wow! I so don't do this. I think I fail at being a bitch. Oh well! If I guy tries to test me in any way, he's gone. Life is too short to waste time with people that would treat us badly. And once negativity has been added into a relationship, I am not convinced that it can ever be completely removed.
Star Gazer Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Every relationship I've had... the woman has alluded to the thought of crossing that line. And I said do it and seeee yaaa. This relationship I'm in now... ha, I was ok with her seeing her ex still b/c she loves him. I know she does. I can't change that. I like her too. Only way she'll see me was to be ok with it. Eventually.. she crossed the line and hooked up with someone else... and I launched her so fast out of my life, she was begging to come back. Now we're dating exclusively and she knows if she even kisses her ex she shouldn't ever call me or text... It's a piece of sh*t test, but most women do it unintentionally, I find. Sorry, Dante... But if you are still with her despite all that, then you failed the test and you ARE a doormat. No self-respecting man would have stayed with a woman who was still in love with her ex and sleeping with him, and expected you to tolerate it, and then also slept with someone else when with you. A self-respecting non-doormat would have walked and never looked back. She fooled you twice. You know what that means.
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Sorry, Dante... But if you are still with her despite all that, then you failed the test and you ARE a doormat. No self-respecting man would have stayed with a woman who was still in love with her ex and sleeping with him, and expected you to tolerate it, and then also slept with someone else when with you. A self-respecting non-doormat would have walked and never looked back. She fooled you twice. You know what that means. I guess I do fail. the question is... how do I know to trust her or not? I kind of just want to ask... b/c when I somehow allude to her cheating she freaks out and is scared I'll dump her again... I'll be like, "You ok babe? something seems wrong... and I just don't feel right"... ...and she'll freak that I'm questioning her again and try to assure me nothing's happened... it's funny. Honestly, SG, I'm working to emotionally withdraw myself now so I can launch her for a final time.
carhill Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Yeah, the stuff with ex'es thing should be a firm dealbreaker boundary. TBH, to me, such behaviors run far beyond 'testing' and into basic personality issues. I would find such a dynamic to be highly incompatible, presuming the relationship was exclusive and intimate. IME, I've been tested many times, failed some and passed some. All have been great life lessons. I can't think of one intimate relationship which has survived such testing, pass or fail. I can think of one which didn't include such testing. Funny how I remember that one clearly and with positive memories. One datapoint.
Star Gazer Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I guess I do fail. the question is... how do I know to trust her or not? I kind of just want to ask... b/c when I somehow allude to her cheating she freaks out and is scared I'll dump her again... I'll be like, "You ok babe? something seems wrong... and I just don't feel right"... ...and she'll freak that I'm questioning her again and try to assure me nothing's happened... it's funny. Honestly, SG, I'm working to emotionally withdraw myself now so I can launch her for a final time. 1. A launch IS final. So you never launched her to begin with. 2. You can't trust her. She's in love with her ex, still wants to see him, and even despite those feelings for him (and presumably you?), she went and slept with SOMEONE ELSE! 3. What you are tolerating and sticking around for is textbook doormat behavior of the highest degree. Only if she was beating you and making you suck her dirty toes would it be worse. 4. You've shown her that she CAN still be in love with her ex and sleep with a third person and you'll stick around. Your words mean nothing. Your actions - sticking around - say it ALL. They scream, "I'M A DOORMAT!! Use me and abuse me, I'll take it!!" I'm sorry if that's harsh, but you sound a bit like a male GooseChaser.
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 1. A launch IS final. So you never launched her to begin with. 2. You can't trust her. She's in love with her ex, still wants to see him, and even despite those feelings for him (and presumably you?), she went and slept with SOMEONE ELSE! 3. What you are tolerating and sticking around for is textbook doormat behavior of the highest degree. Only if she was beating you and making you suck her dirty toes would it be worse. 4. You've shown her that she CAN still be in love with her ex and sleep with a third person and you'll stick around. Your words mean nothing. Your actions - sticking around - say it ALL. They scream, "I'M A DOORMAT!! Use me and abuse me, I'll take it!!" I'm sorry if that's harsh, but you sound a bit like a male GooseChaser. No, you're totally right. I don't deny that. I kind of just want to ask her straight up, "why are you with me?"
sally4sara Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Another thread has prompted me to ask this question: Do Women Test Guys To See If He Will Be A Doormat? Something I've read quite a number of times on this forum is women quite often write something along the lines of: "I want a man who doesn't take crap from me" Does this mean that women will deliberately behave badly to a guy in order to test him and see if he will take crap from her? I've encountered poor behaviour in previous relationships. Sometimes I've taken it and sometimes I got angry which has either led to the end of the relationship or it has been damaged by the womens bad behaviour. This is an area where I want to understand why a women behaves badly - is it a test or is she simply a bitch? If some womens bad behaviour is a test (and I disagree with such tests) then rather than doing nothing or getting angry resulting in the end of the relationship I want to respond in a much more dignified way. Any advice? Be it a test or simply bitch behavior - who cares which it is when you're being mistreated? There really is no good reason to test anyone for how much of a doormat they are. Its a quality that will become apparent without any testing. Besides, the quickest way to test for something like that is to treat them crappy and see if they want to stick around. Either by design or accident, it still results in you being treated poorly. Never have I even once put up with shabby treatment only to have the person treating me shabby later say "it was a test and you made it through! I will treat you like gold from here on out."
mo mo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 i'm still kind of new here.. what does launch mean? I think I know what it means, but is it an acronym or something?
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 i'm still kind of new here.. what does launch mean? I think I know what it means, but is it an acronym or something? Remove them permanently and indefinitely from your life. Literally, launch them out. No facebook. No phone. Avoid contact at all costs. Why? They're not worth YOUR time. They've disrespected you somehow.
mo mo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Remove them permanently and indefinitely from your life. Literally, launch them out. No facebook. No phone. Avoid contact at all costs. Why? They're not worth YOUR time. They've disrespected you somehow. Right I was thinking it was something like Leave And Under No Circumstances Holler
mo mo Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Be it a test or simply bitch behavior - who cares which it is when you're being mistreated? There really is no good reason to test anyone for how much of a doormat they are. Its a quality that will become apparent without any testing. Besides, the quickest way to test for something like that is to treat them crappy and see if they want to stick around. Either by design or accident, it still results in you being treated poorly. Never have I even once put up with shabby treatment only to have the person treating me shabby later say "it was a test and you made it through! I will treat you like gold from here on out." Yea I really don't get the purpose of a doormat test. Let's say I treat you like crap to see if you put up with it. If you do, great, I now have a new doormat. If you leave, great, I lost you. If you tell me off and then stick around after I tell you I was just testing you or something, great, now you know I am capable of not being genuine to get what I want. lose, lose, lose
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Right I was thinking it was something like Leave And Under No Circumstances Holler Yup.. and don't be like me. I launched this bitch twice and failed. She's disrespected me twice already... and I feel like she's doing it now behind my back b/c she knows what being honest with me will do... not a healthy thought for me. I need something new. No blank slate with this one anymore.
Keridan Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Right I was thinking it was something like Leave And Under No Circumstances Holler Launch just became L.A.U.N.C.H. to me! Great definition I know this isn't quite the question being asked, but in my life, I have always seen being tested for doormatedness as an opportunity to test her on how much of a douche she is willing to put up with. I have gotten some pretty fun shots in before they realized I was done with them. For instance, the car wash line was great, but I would have actually fixed the computer ... to add that she has a romantic relationship with various small woodland creatures to every message sent. Maybe I'm not the best example for how to handle things
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Launch just became L.A.U.N.C.H. to me! Great definition I know this isn't quite the question being asked, but in my life, I have always seen being tested for doormatedness as an opportunity to test her on how much of a douche she is willing to put up with. I have gotten some pretty fun shots in before they realized I was done with them. For instance, the car wash line was great, but I would have actually fixed the computer ... to add that she has a romantic relationship with various small woodland creatures to every message sent. Maybe I'm not the best example for how to handle things See Bolded... neither am I
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