krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 As an update i saw my EX at the classes on wednesday evening. My apoligies if this is long! its wednesday evening. I was wearing some great attire and i was looking good, teeth whitened, nice tan, new hair style i looked and i felt good even tho it wasn't even 2 weeks after the dreaded lets just be friends for now line. Her mom also goes along to these classes. And she spoke to me in an apologetic and sympathetic tone (we get on great) i felt very comfortable surprisingly and i was just upbeat and positive. I was talking to her mom who was sat right beside my ex at the time and i was being all positive and just talking about mutual things, after talking to her mom about my new niece i got the typical gooey AWWWWW's....From them both!! it was then my EX joined in the conversation. she was asking what i did new years night. Of course i went out and partied and she said she stayed in with her mother. She also said she brought some notepads of mine if i needed or wanted them..... i was polite didn't ask questions just let it lead until the classes began. On the friday 2 days after our encounter at the classes. i put a positive status on my status about my 1'st diploma module being returned with A* feedback i was delighted! and the comments and responses i had by others was nothing other than friends being pleased for me. later that evening my EX deleted myself and all of my mutual friends and family from facebook! This really rocked me! for someone who wants to remain friends she was acting very friendly. i Broke NC and asked! as this annoyed my friends and family too. my message was short. her reply being. she said that when i asked her (back in the week) about something on her wall she said it made her feel i am watching her every move and that she feels its for the best for now, and thats she feels its best we let the dust settle for now. i responded (although tempted) and i have maintained NC and keeping it that way. and i am just keeping up being my self and when i see her in the week i will be the same i was wednesday evening just gone. However my heads working overtime now!... maybe she is finding this harder than she realised? maybe she has something to hide? maybe she didn't like the attention (mainly women) i received by my recent assignment feedback. maybe she really did feel eye watching her every move? maybe she wanted a reaction and a response? any advice or reflections would be greatly welcomed!
D78 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 krymej, I read your post because I remember the first post I read from you about NYE. You said you tried to have a great NYE but when midnight struck... I felt the same as you on NYE. I was all puffed up and feeling awesome when I went to the show, but I left early and when I arrived home at midnight to an empty house I had a "WTF am I supposed to do" moment and proceeded to drink all the NYE champagne... anyways... I deleted my ex and all of his family members (who had become my 2nd family) from FB the day I decided NC was the way for me to go. Did you receive a FB message saying this person has deleted you? Sorry, off topic, I know, but I have always wondered if all those wonderful people received a heartless delete from me... I didn't do it for any reason other than I wanted to move on, to get past the incredible sadness I feel now. I read the posts on LS because I had nothing else to turn to. No answers from my ex, no friends who had been dumped in the way I was... The LS posts talked about NC, and I thought that trying to be his friend was hurting me because he was acting so mean. I deleted him and his family from FB to move on. If he had ever bothered to go to FB on a regular basis, and if he had posted wonderful accomplishments (congrats on your 1st diploma module and A feedback, by the way), I would have deleted him earlier. But, I'm the dumpee, not the dumper, so take my response in that light. Good luck
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Hey D78 im sorry of your situation and yeah NYE really did suck i was having a great time until midnight i went home empty too... as you know well something sparked her reaction as she has seemed to be ok with being friends on FB and i am only guessing it could have been the great news i had that day... it meant a lot to me as i failed at school and ended up an electrician and i wish to help others in another career hence the Diploma. well i cant see her wanting to hide something from me, not less than two weeks anyway. maybe she hated seeing i didn't seem affected, does this prove she may be finding this hard too? the hardest thing is i love her so much, and i don't want to play games (so i am not) i am more mature and wise than that. she said her intentions for breaking up with me are pure and it was really about the group and its morals. so maybe the NC and space from each other may really do her and me the world of good
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 and no you do not get informed by any means that you have been deleted only that they are no longer in your friends list! hopefully this puts you at ease.
D78 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 thank you so much! I wasn't worried about the ex, but his family, during our 11 years together went out of their way to be totally awesome, and I felt so bad deleting them. I was hoping they didn't get a special message or something... And I sincerely apologize for inserting my own BS into your thread. I try to not do that, but I'm dealing with all the same s&&t as every other poster, ya know? As for failing at school and ending up an electrician... sheesh... I am an attorney, and I often wish I was an electrician, plumber, etc. There are jobs out there that people need, regardless of the economy (i.e. when sewage is accumulating in my front yard, I f'n pay someone, somehow!) (my car needs an oil change, I will get it because I can't buy a new one right now and I know that avoiding an oil change is the thing that will kill my seemingly indestructible car). My job is one that people will avoid until they have no choice (I can't count the number of couples who stay married until they want to marry another person... even living apart for 7+ years...). It's awesome that you are trying to encourage others. Keep it up. I am a high school drop out (otherwise known as GED recipient), so I know exactly where you are coming from. People need to hear your success story, so don't stop posting in on FB regardless of your ex's reaction. And, I don't want to give you false hope... I read your original post (and I promise you that you can't see this right now, but you are a genuinely good person who deserves better), and i don't know how helpful my response will be. I just know that more than anything in the world, I want to know what my (dumper) ex is doing. But, I think it's best to focus on myself right now, so I deleted him and all of his family from FB. And, from past experience, I think this focus on myself thing is completely right. I realized this after my first LTR ended (cheating). I swear it was about 5 minutes and 34 seconds after I became totally comfortable being alone (happy, even) that I found myself entering this 11 year relationship. If I had called him a second earlier, it would never have worked. And, as awesome as my first LTR (and 2 short term relationships in between) were, my ex blew them all away. I'm still getting over my ex, but if history showed me anything, it is that when I least expect it, something incredible happens. Even though it's impossible to imagine, a better girl will enter your life about 6 minutes after you find yourself content with your life as it is... Your ex seems like an okay girl who is confused about what she wants. I am completely void of helpful info in that respect, but I wish you the best
Karma20 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Trust me you're better off not being friends with her on fb. People delete exes on fb so they can move forward with their lives. You're not her bf anymore so what she does now is no longer your business
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Thank you D78 for your kind words and sharing with me your life experiences! it is most appreciated and taken in. and i hope that the day comes when another special person will walk into your life and sweep you off your feet and cherish you for the good person that you are. I remember my last LTR and it was not until i became cool with it that my recent ex walked into my life. life really does move in mysterious and wondrous ways doesn't it? No matter what advice we seek everyones situation is unique. not every girl or guy thinks the same thing and contrary to popular belief reconciliation is not rare a rare thing.... I do hold onto the hope of maybe one day but then again..... its only been 2 weeks today. and seeing her every week (soon twice a week) she will also have to see that i am moving on and on the surface unaffected too. just demonstrating higher value. My EX said that she is confused and needs some space and time and said that this does not mean it is the end of the road for me and her. it will be interesting how she feels seeing me on a weekly basis. you never know things may re-ignite. although i need to treat this as a permanent fixture. maybe this is her moving on by her deleting me, but maybe there are other reasons too.... i remember i deleted an EX once because i didn't like torturing myself with how well she was getting over me maybe this is the case..... and also maybe not.
Ajax Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I deleted my ex from Facebook a week ago, that was about 4.5 months after the breakup. I was still checking her Facebook page and I knew I couldn't move on until I couldn't see her face anymore. She still had pictures up of her that were in my albums on Facebook, so she'll definately see that we're no longer friends. Like someone else said, the reason I did it was so that I could move forward. I regretted it for a little while but I think it has helped. I was afraid that it would stop her from someday reaching out. But since I don't think she'll ever reach out anyway it becomes a moot point. I had to do what I had to do to move on. I know that she's the one that deleted you, but you may find it to be a blessing in disguise.
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 thanks AJAX yeah i see what you mean. it just sucks as i would love a possible reconciliation... especially after the hope she gave me (could be false) but its evident that she doesn't want that and wishes to move on..... even after 2 weeks
Ajax Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 thanks AJAX yeah i see what you mean. it just sucks as i would love a possible reconciliation... especially after the hope she gave me (could be false) but its evident that she doesn't want that and wishes to move on..... even after 2 weeks I was anguishing in the false hope zone for months. I truly loved this girl, but there comes a point when you just can't do it anymore. I hope things get better for you!
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 When my ex and I ended 2 months ago, everyone told me to delete her from my Facebook, but I did not. Why? Because when her and I started dating, my previous GF deleted me and my ex's comment was "Wow, that's mature..." My ex also had previous ex's as friends and I asked her why? She said she thinks it's a sign of weakness and immaturity to delete an ex. She said it sends the message that "I'm still hung up on you and I can't stand to see whats going on in your life." So I kept her on my FB as a sign of strength...so you can imagine how surprised I was when SHE DELETED ME! She removed me and all of my friends one day. This killed me as she kept the guy who hit her on there, the other guy who cheated her was still on there...I treated her with love and respect until the end and I get deleted? I knew she had something to hide, and luckily she forgot to remove an insignificant "friend in common" who both of us barely knew. That person contacted me with a "What happened? I thought you two would get married!" message. As it turns out, she had changed her relationship status to being in a relationship with the "guy friend" she went out of her way to minimize while we were together. So bottom line, She was just covering her tracks, so that I could not put the pieces of the puzzle together as to why things REALLY ended so abruptly. She said she needed to be single. She needed time alone to find herself. So yes, sometimes ex's will do this to keep the truth from you...
tatteredwings Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I've had a similar experience. The day after my ex broke up with me, she removed me, my friends, and all my family (all of whom loved her and took such good care of her) from her Facebook. They were really shocked and hurt by this, because she initiated the break-up, and it was not because I was abusive or dishonest to her, but because she simply fell out of love with me. I decided not to delete any of her friends from my account, but I've removed them from appearing on my news feed, so I don't see any updates from them when I log in. That's been a great help to me as I don't see anything to remind me of her when I check my Facebook. It took some will-power for me to avoid checking their activities and seeing if they interacted with my ex, but now I never even think about them. In case anyone wanted to do the same, scroll to the bottom of your news feed and click the link that says "Edit Options". From there you can choose who to remove from your feed.
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 well i suppose sometimes its nice to see how someone acts post breakup it can teach you an awful lot. i cant see my ex being in a relationship just yet not in less than two weeks that would actually go against her own morals from my own understanding. i remember her commenting on and how one of her friends handled a breakup. she got with another guy like 4 weeks later..... it never lasted and then she ran straight back to her ex when she realised what she lost. something sparked her to delete me and everyone that day maybe she really does want to be left alone and maybe she was finding it hard seeing life going on great without her (although its not) it hard to know what to make of it all really the problem is there are TOO many loose ends with me and my ex and id really like them tied up before i can ever properly move on.
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 to put a strange twist on matters she has just text me asking how things are?? not sure how to play this one.
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 i cant see my ex being in a relationship just yet not in less than two weeks that would actually go against her own morals from my own understanding. Sorry, but I'm bitter so I'm trying not to laugh. I felt the same way. My ex claimed to be a die hard Christian. She was a perfect 10 physically, but I was drawn to her moral values. She had been cheated on and was very much against infedility. She always claimed that cheating was not just hooking up, but even ALLOWING someone the chance to work their way into your heart was unnacceptable. She also always claimed that brutal honesty was the only way to a successful relationship. "The sting of the truth is always better than the burn of the lies." I thought she was the one for me. She was a liar and a cheat.
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 to put a strange twist on matters she has just text me asking how things are?? not sure how to play this one. TAKE MY WORD AND IGNORE IT! She is feeling you out to see if you're still waiting around for her. Don't bite!
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 the mixed signals do my head in above all she deletes me and then two days later she texts me asking how i am haha!
DellPickle Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I deleted my ex from Facebook a week ago, that was about 4.5 months after the breakup. I was still checking her Facebook page and I knew I couldn't move on until I couldn't see her face anymore. She still had pictures up of her that were in my albums on Facebook, so she'll definately see that we're no longer friends. Like someone else said, the reason I did it was so that I could move forward. I regretted it for a little while but I think it has helped. I was afraid that it would stop her from someday reaching out. But since I don't think she'll ever reach out anyway it becomes a moot point. I had to do what I had to do to move on. I know that she's the one that deleted you, but you may find it to be a blessing in disguise. Been there and have done that many moons ago...sometimes its just needed the mixed signals do my head in above all she deletes me and then two days later she texts me asking how i am haha! Been in your shoes too...someone I thought I knew was more than willing to be as harsh as possible and I could tell she got the utmost joy out of getting in the last word of our relationship.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 the mixed signals do my head in above all she deletes me and then two days later she texts me asking how i am haha! Wrap your mind around this. EX blocks me from her main facebook account... The creates a second one, that her BF can't see but I can.
Author krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Wrap your mind around this. EX blocks me from her main facebook account... The creates a second one, that her BF can't see but I can. Thats pretty crazy. I really don't see the need for this kind of behaviour post breakup what really does games solve? it causes more frustration and heartache for sure!
WTRanger Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Thats pretty crazy. I really don't see the need for this kind of behaviour post breakup what really does games solve? it causes more frustration and heartache for sure! I don't see the need for your behavior to constantly check your ex's facebook. They aren't creating this drama, YOU ARE. You choose to look, unless you have an ex that holds a gun to your head and makes you look. Anything else is just your free will. You create the situations, then blame them. Wrong, wrong, all wrong. It is you and you alone. It doesn't matter what they do. What matters is what you do.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 WTR Your so right. I am not checking up on her at all. I first noticed what was going on there before I was "blocked". The sudden appearance of the second page. I would like to think this was just a little EA and I'll be over it sooner rather than latter... it has only been one full week with NC. Hopefully next week I'll feel 4 times better than I do today.
DellPickle Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 WTR Your so right. I am not checking up on her at all. I first noticed what was going on there before I was "blocked". The sudden appearance of the second page. I would like to think this was just a little EA and I'll be over it sooner rather than latter... it has only been one full week with NC. Hopefully next week I'll feel 4 times better than I do today. I figured your case was like mine...we had too many mutual facebook friends and her picture and posts would pop up on friends pages and stuff...so to help with the healing process I did the only thing I could do to ensure I dont see her pop up on facebook anywhere and that was to block her
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