LDR boyfriend still uncertain if he wants to continue relationship

[luxx]

My partner and I reconciled a few months ago after splitting for a little over six months and dating for a couple years. During the split, he did meet another woman which turned out to be a fiasco and he tried to keep in contact with me while that was going on. It did not happen as I admittedly wasn't too happy with him at the time. We eventually got back together however after he pursued me.

 

The problem I have now is that after asking him where this is all leading he has told me that he is still uncertain. He actually said as well that sometimes he feels a spark with me and connected while other times just that we're best friends. ::Blink:: I kind of thought that that's what people aspire to have/be in relationships but apparently I'm wrong. I did mention this to him but he just doesn't get it. He's in his early thirties btw. I honestly feel as if he's immature in regards to relationships and doesn't get that one of the reasons he might be finding it hard to connect again with me is because of the distance.

 

We do keep in contact daily when apart - but I feel that in our case we now need to step it up and be in the same space.

 

Our relationship started off in the same country but he had to go back to his - so the last couple of years I flew over to him and spent a lot of time trying to keep the connection open (it was easier for me to fly and cheaper). But I feel that it's more than enough time to know now as we've dated for awhile. I'm more than willing to move here and I know he wants to move to the US but it's just not that easy unless we get married and neither of us are at that point yet.

 

One of the other problems I'm having and I hope you can offer some advice is that if he's so uncertain and not sure and possibly wants to just go - why not just go? He actually asked me out to his country over the holidays to fly to another city to have Christmas with his family and immediate relatives. It boggles the mind as I think okay now I met them and fell in love with them and they like me a lot but he's still dragging his feet.

 

I'm ready to go home now because of it and have booked a flight to go soon. I feel that we're getting nowhere and it was this way a year ago so it tells me that it will never go anywhere even though he brought me to his family. I've been crying all week and he's been loving and caring but I guess the reason why is that I know when I leave I'll have to 'leave' as I can see no other way around this. I feel like he's wasting my time and being selfish and mean as he won't "let me go" and keeps doing just enough and maybe a bit more to reel me in.

 

I really do think this guy is uncertain and it could go either way but it's not fair to me to have to wait for him to make up his mind.

 

I guess this is more of a rant but feel free to chime in.

[folieadeux]

I apologize ahead of time, but I really don't see anything that can be done here. You're ready for the next step, and he isn't. While I agree with you due to his age and the length of you relationship he should be, this isn't something that can be forced no matter how hard you want it.

 

You already stated that he's not ready for marriage at this point. If the plan to resolve the distance permanently is for him to move to the US, there really is no other way for him to move here permanently unless it's through the fiance visa or if he has a sponsorship from work (very rare and extremely difficult to get).

 

It sounds to me that he's doing the bare minimum just to keep this going. He's not letting you go because, quite honestly, he has no reason to do so. You're the one putting in all the effort and making the trips. He has it pretty good if you ask me, and this isn't a very fair situation for you.

[luxx]

No apologies needed - I asked for opinions and whether they are good or bad it's something I need to hear.

 

Actually it was both of us who decided we aren't ready for marriage - neither of us want to get married just for the visa. It would be easier for me to migrate to his country bc of the easy to get fiance visa valid for 9 months - and through taking a course (to finish up my grad degree) or even just coming here for a year (I just couldn't work legally). The US we're a bit more strict with our visas which makes it harder for a non-res to get. Funny thing is he wants to move to the US and I wouldn't mind living in Australia

 

It sounds to me that he's doing the bare minimum just to keep this going. He's not letting you go because, quite honestly, he has no reason to do so. You're the one putting in all the effort and making the trips. He has it pretty good if you ask me, and this isn't a very fair situation for you.

 

Flying here, we split the ticket and I stay with him - my work is internet based so I can do it anywhere, he has a more traditional office position so he can't just pick up and go as easily as me but alas you are right. I DO feel like I've been putting in all of the effort not about the trips, I'm okay with that (love to travel) but about trying to keep the relationship glued.

 

He has it pretty good and this isn't a fair situation for me. Yep. I suppose this is the reason I've been upset for the past week because I know I have to just go.

 

now comes the hard part... getting him out of my life and keeping him out. he's like superglue at times. even when we broke up before he just kept at it. for the first time in my life i might have to disappear completely so that i can have some peace of mind and get on with my life.