U1987 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I know and understand this may sound extreme to some readers. However, it's how I honestly feel inside, and my conviction is strong. I now I may sound "full of myself," but honestly, I believe every man has at least some reason to feel "full of himself;" for accomplishments and hobbies and knowledge that set him above the rest, so I hope you can relate. I'm not looking for a debate; I'm looking for advice. I've come believe I'm a catch. I'm only 23 and still in college, but I consider myself a pretty desirable guy for my age and my progress in life. I consider myself pretty good looking. I'm not perfect or male-model quality, but I'm pretty slim and in shape, have symmetrical features, consistent skin tone (minus a tiny patch of varicose veins beside my eyebrow from a bruise from a skiing accident that never cleared up) I'm well dressed to the point of being above average but not so much as to appear like a dandy or metro. I habitually dress in well-fitting business-casual attire, for work or for just going out. Despite that, I have some "masculine" hobbies. I love yard work and logging especially. And though I'm not a huge sports buff, I'm thinking of joining the campus rugby club in the spring. I'm pretty educated. I study the hard-sciences (math, chemistry, physics, biology, etc) and I was an honor student in high school. I also consider myself pretty worldly. I've traveled to several countries around the world, for study-abroad or for fun, and I have a relatively solid understand of current events, international politics, economics and finance, just because that stuff interests me and I read the NYT, BBC, Economist, Atlantic, Harpers and Foreign Affairs habitually. I truly believe that I'm a catch because of all of this. And because of that, I honestly, truly believe that I should not have to work or struggle to get girls. I believe that girls should have to work for my affection, and not the other way around. I believe that I shouldn't have dry spells. I believe that I should have my choice of women for and whatever type of relationship I feel is convenient for me at the time, and that I shouldn't have to compromise. The problem is, how do I make young girls my age see this? How do I make them realize that I am the catch? That they should want and work to be with me? That they shouldn't feel ambivalent or flake or play hard to get or any games like that with me? That they should submit to the type of relationship I want out of them?
Star Gazer Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 That they should submit to the type of relationship I want out of them? You want a girl to submit to what YOU want? What about what kind of guy and relationship SHE wants? I understand YOU think you are a catch. But, to most women, a catch is someone who's not only attractive and has his sh*t together, but he's someone with humility, who's not selfish, who's emotionally generous, who not only can but WANTS to meet his partners' needs and desires, and who is desirous of a true partnership. Do you meet that definition?
johan Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Talking yourself up is a good pop-psychology ploy. But in the end, life will let you know whether you're a catch, regardless of what you think.
Surrealist Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 If you were such a catch, the women would see it. Noone is entitled to a relationship, especially a relationship strictly on our own terms, because of anything we do or possess.
dispatch3d Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 to summarize the feedback so far, you suck! lol. supporting people is so fun. jerks.
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Talking yourself up is a good pop-psychology ploy. But in the end, life will let you know whether you're a catch, regardless of what you think. I you. ............
Jannah Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I'm not looking for a debate; I'm looking for advice. My advice, cut it short. I was bored after reading the first few sentences....
zengirl Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I think the idea of a Manifesto about your good qualities is nice. However: I truly believe that I'm a catch because of all of this. And because of that, I honestly, truly believe that I should not have to work or struggle to get girls. I believe that girls should have to work for my affection, and not the other way around. I believe that I shouldn't have dry spells. I believe that I should have my choice of women for and whatever type of relationship I feel is convenient for me at the time, and that I shouldn't have to compromise. The problem is, how do I make young girls my age see this? How do I make them realize that I am the catch? That they should want and work to be with me? That they shouldn't feel ambivalent or flake or play hard to get or any games like that with me? That they should submit to the type of relationship I want out of them? Your problems lie right here. Quality women don't want men who will dictate to them a relationship that the man feels is "convenient" and you cannot predict the actions of women who aren't quite there yet. The flaky ones? That's all that would go for a guy with this kind of attitude, because they have the same attitudes. The women who don't flake value mutual appreciation, which this isn't. In those relationships, both people work, both people consider the other, both people are attentive, and they 'write' the rules of the relationship together as they go (not literally writing them down, but through interaction). Certainly, they don't want to be a 'convenience' to a man, and they definitely aren't going to chase him to do it! So, take your pick: Keep your attitude and go after the flakes, or evolve.
Emilia Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 OP, you sound quite geeky and while that's not a bad thing, girls generally don't go for that. Slim is not good enough, you need to be athletic. Ditch the 'business casual'. You sound like the son of some Central Asian diplomat. Unfortunately being a science graduate won't make women drool unless you have a surf board under your arm.
Els Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) You want a girl to submit to what YOU want? What about what kind of guy and relationship SHE wants? I understand YOU think you are a catch. But, to most women, a catch is someone who's not only attractive and has his sh*t together, but he's someone with humility, who's not selfish, who's emotionally generous, who not only can but WANTS to meet his partners' needs and desires, and who is desirous of a true partnership. Do you meet that definition? Awesome post, except I think the question at the end is really quite redundant. Edited January 9, 2011 by Elswyth
Dante311 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 OP, you sound quite geeky and while that's not a bad thing, girls generally don't go for that. Slim is not good enough, you need to be athletic. Ditch the 'business casual'. You sound like the son of some Central Asian diplomat. Unfortunately being a science graduate won't make women drool unless you have a surf board under your arm. pfft... i'm 6'1"... almost 200 lbs with a 10% bodyfat... I'm THAT athletic beefcake... I have a BS & MS in a science related field and I'm told I'm very handsome with a great body... Go figure. Yes, I am that confident. Girls don't talk to me. And I know I'm a nice, funny, down to earth guy
sweetjasmine Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Noone is entitled to a relationship, especially a relationship strictly on our own terms, because of anything we do or possess. Bingo. No one's entitled to a relationship with another person. That's not how it works. Women aren't going to request a resume and check your school transcripts and then say, "Oh wow, he has a 3.9 GPA and reads the Wall Street Journal. He's clearly superior to me, so he deserves to have me and do whatever he wants with me. *spreads legs*" A healthy relationship involves give and take for both people and an emotional connection. "I read FA and Harpers" doesn't have anything to do with that. And honestly, I'm fairly accomplished myself, but I'd rather date someone who doesn't come off as incredibly self-absorbed and entitled even if he went to a lower ranked school and didn't study the hard sciences and didn't visit multiple countries. Those things are relatively unimportant. Having a symmetrical face and liking sports doesn't show me that someone is a good match for me or that he has a lot of positive qualities to contribute to a relationship, as opposed to a debate on public policy or a discussion about biochemistry or an argument about who's going to win the Superbowl. I don't mean to pick on you, OP, but if you're looking for a good relationship, "I deserve X because of Y, and Z should be obligated to give it to me because I'm just that awesome, and who gives a flying f- what Z wants" is not a healthy attitude to take.
Star Gazer Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Jasmine, great post. Thing is, he's not looking for a good relationship, just a good, convenient, easy lay. He's said so a million times... Hence his request that girls recognize his awesomeness and submit to the type of 'relationship' he wants. He's frustrated because the gals he's meeting aren't giving it up.
sweetjasmine Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Jasmine, great post. Thing is, he's not looking for a good relationship, just a good, convenient, easy lay. He's said so a million times... Hence his request that girls recognize his awesomeness and submit to the type of 'relationship' he wants. He's frustrated because the gals he's meeting aren't giving it up. I remember some of his other threads, but I figured he was talking about something more than just NSA sex based on his last paragraph. If that's what he's referring to, then the way he's approaching finding a NSA/casual sex partner is completely wrong. If someone's looking for a fling, they're really, really not going to care what you study, where you've traveled, and how much you know about macroeconomics and global markets. They're just going to look for physical attraction and that ever elusive chemistry. No chick at a bar is going to drop her panties because a guy said he studies theoretical physics or whatever.
BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 You are going under the assumption that women truly understand what they want. Like you, the majority of women are clueless. I think that is fair to say.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 OP - I think it's safe to say, at this stage anyway, you can look forward to a very fulfilling relationship with yourself. Good thing you're such a catch.
BobSacamento Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 OP - I think it's safe to say, at this stage anyway, you can look forward to a very fulfilling relationship with yourself. Good thing you're such a catch. And isn't that most important. Self-confidence is rare. Almost as rare as a sincere compliment.
Author U1987 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 You want a girl to submit to what YOU want? What about what kind of guy and relationship SHE wants? She should see what I want, drop any preconceived notions or desires she previously had and then change her mind to genuinely want what I want. I understand YOU think you are a catch. But, to most women, a catch is someone who's not only attractive and has his sh*t together, but he's someone with humility, I wouldn't brag all this to a womans face, but there must be a way to subtly let it through. who's not selfish, who's emotionally generous, who not only can but WANTS to meet his partners' needs and desires, and who is desirous of a true partnership. Do you meet that definition? Define "selfish?" Because like I said a while ago, I'm tired of dating and relationships; I'm tired of worrying if I'll ever see that girl again after the first date, of paying for dates, of talking on the phone 30 minutes at a time or 10 texts a day, of all the emotional drama that comes at the end of every relationship. Some girls might call that selfish, but I think that's pretty reasonable. I want girls to see my desire for a casual fling, and then decide they want one too.
johan Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I want girls to see my desire for a casual fling, and then decide they want one too. Doesn't that pretty much make you the exact opposite of a "catch"?
hydorclops Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 OP, you're educated. So you know what a zero sum vs. non-zero sum game is, yes? Why do you see relationships as zero sum games?
dispatch3d Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 OP, I would like to take this opportunity to tear you down to make myself feel better. I'm going to be as subtle as possible because that will hurt more, and last longer than if I was just very brash and bold about it. If I was the latter, then it would be obvious what I'm trying to do, you would realize it, and not succumb to my onslaught of negativity. Also, not wanting a relationship but instead a casual fling makes you a bad person. You are going to use and dump a ton of women and break all of their hearts, shattering their egos and preventing them from ever achieving anything in life. Your "kind" is not to be confused with sluts, who are really just a victim of the media, and a very unfair double standard. Why does the media hate women so much, and why are you such an *******? I hate you op. To outline the things so far said in this thread, and reason why you suck: (1) Poster wrote "you suck". Come on, this one is clear! (2) You claim to be in good shape and good looking. However, it's obvious your an ugly troll. Ps. you're an uggo! (3) You are a huge nerd. Nobody likes nerds. Geek! (4) I can tell you aren't cool (5) You masterbate a lot and will continue to do so. I hate you and think you are dumb. Men suck women rock. (6) Studying is dumb (7) Your 3.9 gpa doesn't mean **** to a girl, loser. (don't ask how I know your gpa, it's just written all over your post) (8) Your approach to relationships with the other sex is stupid. I think your dumb (9) You have kooties (this is a new one I invented on my own! ) (10) It's been a while since I was in junior high, so I can't think of anything else negative to say about you. However, consider point 10 the most hurtful point because I am actually subtly implying something incredibly negative that won't hit you for at least a week. And when it does, your soul will die and be offered to the devil for free, and then he will torture you for eternity. Sorry man, I just wasn't feeling good about myself today.
sweetjasmine Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 She should see what I want, drop any preconceived notions or desires she previously had and then change her mind to genuinely want what I want. Again, that's not how it works. You can't make people want what you want. You have to seek out people who want what you want. You can't talk or argue your way into a relationship, even if it's just a casual sex relationship/fling. You can't control people, and the more you try to do it, the more you're going to get frustrated because it just doesn't work.
sweetjasmine Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 To outline the things so far said in this thread, and reason why you suck: (1) Poster wrote "you suck". Come on, this one is clear! (2) You claim to be in good shape and good looking. However, it's obvious your an ugly troll. Ps. you're an uggo! (3) You are a huge nerd. Nobody likes nerds. Geek! (4) I can tell you aren't cool (5) You masterbate a lot and will continue to do so. I hate you and think you are dumb. Men suck women rock. (6) Studying is dumb (7) Your 3.9 gpa doesn't mean **** to a girl, loser. (don't ask how I know your gpa, it's just written all over your post) (8) Your approach to relationships with the other sex is stupid. I think your dumb (9) You have kooties (this is a new one I invented on my own! ) (10) It's been a while since I was in junior high, so I can't think of anything else negative to say about you. However, consider point 10 the most hurtful point because I am actually subtly implying something incredibly negative that won't hit you for at least a week. And when it does, your soul will die and be offered to the devil for free, and then he will torture you for eternity. Sorry man, I just wasn't feeling good about myself today. Please stop being so utterly ridiculous. Read what people are writing. My point is that studying or reading Foreign Affairs doesn't automatically entitle you to sex. It has nothing to do with sex or relationships. You can't say, "I've gotten awesome grades in the hard sciences; therefore, I deserve to have her open her legs for me and do what I want her to do." That's a total non-sequitur, which is exactly what a few of us are trying to explain. So please stop distorting what people are writing. It's neither helpful nor entertaining.
welikeincrowds Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I'm 23 years old and I feel entitled to whatever I want from whomever I want. Why can't anyone see that?!? ----------
Author U1987 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 OP, I would like to take this opportunity to tear you down to make myself feel better. I'm going to be as subtle as possible because that will hurt more, and last longer than if I was just very brash and bold about it. If I was the latter, then it would be obvious what I'm trying to do, you would realize it, and not succumb to my onslaught of negativity. Also, not wanting a relationship but instead a casual fling makes you a bad person. You are going to use and dump a ton of women and break all of their hearts, shattering their egos and preventing them from ever achieving anything in life. Your "kind" is not to be confused with sluts, who are really just a victim of the media, and a very unfair double standard. Why does the media hate women so much, and why are you such an *******? I hate you op. To outline the things so far said in this thread, and reason why you suck: (1) Poster wrote "you suck". Come on, this one is clear! (2) You claim to be in good shape and good looking. However, it's obvious your an ugly troll. Ps. you're an uggo! (3) You are a huge nerd. Nobody likes nerds. Geek! (4) I can tell you aren't cool (5) You masterbate a lot and will continue to do so. I hate you and think you are dumb. Men suck women rock. (6) Studying is dumb (7) Your 3.9 gpa doesn't mean **** to a girl, loser. (don't ask how I know your gpa, it's just written all over your post) (8) Your approach to relationships with the other sex is stupid. I think your dumb (9) You have kooties (this is a new one I invented on my own! ) (10) It's been a while since I was in junior high, so I can't think of anything else negative to say about you. However, consider point 10 the most hurtful point because I am actually subtly implying something incredibly negative that won't hit you for at least a week. And when it does, your soul will die and be offered to the devil for free, and then he will torture you for eternity. Sorry man, I just wasn't feeling good about myself today. I feel nothing about this. If you're trying to hurt my feelings, fission mailed.
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