Sevenscars Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I dumped her because she slept with someone else. We'd been dating for about 2 months, then one week she gets distant and I read the signs. So I confronted her, and asked her to make it or break it. We admitted feelings for each other, and decided to stick it out. I asked her whether she was seeing anyone else and she told me no. Come a few days later, she loses her V card to someone else. At this point I didn't know, and saw her a few days after that where she acted perfectly fine, kissing and cuddling with me to the point where we fell asleep together. All throughout the night she had been making these jokes/innuendos that made me feel uncomfortable, which were the starting point to me realizing what had happened, that and a few other things I won't mention that confirm the fact. So I confronted her again, and asked her what happened. She lied, so I told her that I don't want anything to do with her. I felt like a man. Like I did the right thing. Walking away from her was so hard, I stopped halfway to my car and almost turned back. But I knew it was too late. She called and texted that night, and then the day after wanting to talk to me, still not coming clean about what happened, pretending she didn't know why I was so upset. I ignored it, just as I ignored her when I saw her in person later. It's been a month and I haven't heard a single peep from her. Nothing to say that she regrets it, or even cares in the slightest. That hurts. This past month I've been hurting, trying to get over her, wondering whether she even cares. A friend of mine told me they saw her almost crying a few days after the break. It made me feel a little better but seeing as she hasn't cared enough to attempt to reach me makes it worse. She's obviously with her first lover, probably has moved on, and most likely has forgotten about me. At this point there's nothing I can say or do, and can only work forward in my life. I can't tell you how hard it is, then again if you're reading this you're probably here already so you know. I want her to contact me somehow. I won't respond but it would be enough to say she still thinks about me. I just can't believe it happened like that, and that she won't even come clean about it. Does she really respect me that little? It's not just her, all girls I've dated have cheated (except one. Just ONE!) and it really turns me off. I feel like it's not even worth it to pursue another relationship, because it'll just come crashing down like all the rest have. I feel like I'll be single forever, because I'll never find a girl that's honest and trustworthy. Is it fair to say that's unfair? The last girl I was with who cheated, who really messed with me, contacted me recently and I finally responded after 2 years to tell her to buzz off. Her message was so selfish, she didn't care about what she had done and was only seeking validation. That makes me never, ever want to talk to this girl again even if she contacts me. But I doubt she ever will, and that really sets me down. I've had very few mornings where I'd wake up and not think about her, even this morning I woke up happy because I wasn't thinking about...her. And at that moment I got upset again. It's really messing with me. What can I do? What have you, LSers, done in my situation? That's better than the questions I want to ask, which are, why hasn't she contacted me, will she ever, and does she even care? It pains me to think that the answers to those questions are no. I know I'll heal and forget about her but for now, even though there's nothing left to be said, I just want some kind of closure. What do I do?
anna74 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I admire the fact that you haven't called her. I feel the same way you do, but I wasn't the dumper. I was the dumpee. I keep messing up and sending text msgs. I've started NC again, though. It's strange to me to see the dumper feeling like this, though. Put yourself in her shoes. Say she's looking for support online, and she finds a website like LS. She's being advised to go no contact, and that she needs to respect the fact that you broke up with her. That's not what you want, is it?
Author Sevenscars Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 I admire the fact that you haven't called her. I feel the same way you do, but I wasn't the dumper. I was the dumpee. I keep messing up and sending text msgs. I've started NC again, though. It's strange to me to see the dumper feeling like this, though. Put yourself in her shoes. Say she's looking for support online, and she finds a website like LS. She's being advised to go no contact, and that she needs to respect the fact that you broke up with her. That's not what you want, is it? Thank you. It's been tough but it helps that I deleted her number, all her texts, voicemails, messages and facebook. I did this because I didn't trust myself, and my instincts were right: one day I broke down and desperately wanted to call her, I even searched for her number through my phone and online but didn't find it. Thank God. Please, anyone in my situation take a note from what I did and delete everything, for those times you feel weak. I may be the dumper, but I did it because I had no choice. It was either her or me. She had already committed herself to a new guy, and there was nothing I could do but walk away. So in this situation, I feel like I'm the one that was dumped, or more likely, duped. It's funny that she'd respect the fact I broke up with her but not respect ME enough to break up with me before sleeping with someone else. I gave her the chance. This is really selfish of me to see it like this, but I want to be the one who stays NC and her to be the one calling me, even though I told her I don't want anything from her anymore. This would mean that she regrets what she did, or feels guilty, or even cares a little. That's what I want: not to feel like a waste of time and effort. To feel like I actually meant something to her. But she's been MIA for the past month and to me, that means she doesn't care, never did, and has moved on.
baybaybaby Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I completely understand what you're going through, how hard it is, and how much it hurts. I was the dumper just like you, I said I wanted to break up, he replied with an okay. He hasn't contacted me. All those questions that are bothering you also bothered me. I got angry by the fact he haven't called or tried to fix things. Stupid me, I messaged him to ask, if he even cares about this relationship. He said, he doesn't know what to do, and plans to let me calm down through time.. (I don't know how long). Im not sure if that's the same scenario for your case since you noted she's with another guy. I know it's hard. If you think about it, if she did contact you, what good is it for you? Won't it make things harder to move on? Try thinking about things this way, why should you be hurting because of this girl who isn't right for you? There's honest and trustworthy girls out there, don't give up.
Author Sevenscars Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 If she contacted me, it would tell me that she still thinks about me. This would help me, because I wouldn't feel like a complete waste of time. Since she hasn't bothered to, I feel like she doesn't care in the slightest about what she did and how she treated the situation. This is what hurts the most: feeling like she doesn't give a crap about how she stepped all over me. It makes me really angry that one day, someone can tell you they have feelings for you, and the next, completely forget about you and screw you over. When she told me she'd never had sex, but wanted to with me, I told her we should wait but didn't give her a specific reason. It was to be sure that she wanted me, not just sex, and that we'd have a good relationship and it would be a good time for her, not something that she or I would regret. In this I feel I did the right thing. Over that time I helped her build her confidence about it, and then she went off and slept with someone else. That was the sign I was looking for, that is why I waited: to make sure that wouldn't happen, but it did. I shouldn't be hurting over this girl but I am. I spent a lot of time trying to build something good with her, and in no time she destroyed it. This is what keeps happening to me when I meet a girl, they screw me over by sleeping with someone else, whether we're in a relationship or dating or whatever. It keeps happening, and I don't know what to do about it. How can I trust a new girl when all the new girls I've met turn out to be like the last ones? I keep thinking, they can't all be like that, but then it turns out that they are. It's really messed up and I keep thinking that I can't be bothered wasting my time trying to build a relationship when i'll just get stepped on again. I'm not in a good place, relationship-wise, and I have no idea how I can get out of it. I don't feel like it's worth meeting someone new, no matter who they are, because all my efforts end up in vain. Before I was searching for a girlfriend, now I'm not searching for anything and it's left a hole in me where something should be. How I can fill it, I don't know, I guess i'll just have to fill it myself over time but it leaves me terrified that I'll cut myself off from some future good love because I wouldn't want to take the time or the chance when it might just go to waste. Still, it would be nice to hear from her, to know that I wasn't just some piece of dirt stuck underneath her shoe that she used and abused.
Author Sevenscars Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 It sounds like I have some deep-rooted trust issues that stem from my previous relationships' lack of faithfulness. I know not all girls are like that, though I have a hard time finding one. Before I jump into anything new I need to work out my faults and flaws, eventually learning to forgive those who did me wrong and even myself. But for now, I need a lot of time and a place to vent. I need to forget about this girl, work through the pain and become a stronger and healthier person. I won't kid myself, I know this will not be easy, but I have no choice -- it's either move on or become stagnant and I won't allow myself to do that. From where I am it's hard to see that this is the best thing for me, but intuitively I understand it. These thoughts I keep having about her, about failure, are destroying my will and self-confidence and they need to stop. Man, I gave up so much for this girl and got nothing out of return. I didn't expect anything in return as I give love freely, but I also didn't expect to be in the negative. It's altered my trust, and now I feel like I should be wary of trusting anyone. I'm becoming a different person, a stronger person, albeit a colder person and I hate it. If anything, I know that I won't be f'ed with anymore and any person that tries to pull that ish will get the boot. It sucks when you're growing and learning that the world is not the place you thought it would be. I need to give up destructive thoughts and influences and become the person I want to be. I don't know how i'll start my journey but eventually some way I'll find out how.
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