bzoe Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 For those of you with exes with human hearts, consider yourself lucky. because even when their hurting you're feelings, you know that their living breathing human beings who hurt to for the rest of us with Exes like mine dropped off as exes from UFOs -alcohol and exes causes honesty for rejection. any form. doesnt matter. "can i have a tissue?" " no bc you fail at life, they say" - breaking NC with alcohol is like.. youre an emotional cutter. instead of blood. you see your feelings strewn out on the floor for.. amusement - blame from an ex with alcohol in your veins = algrebra for a non math person with a teacher.. like mine at a "specialized hs for the gifted". you should know it. but you dont. do you feel like an accident of nature if you couldn't tell, im. kinda drunk. in a LOT of pain. and more drunk. to bury the pain. just to think if my husband - not perfect but my SOUL mate - didnt die, i wouldnt not even know this UFO specimen person so forgive me for using LS as a crutch. im not used to unusually hurtful people best gf on record my azz. id pay good money for a lobotomy or whatever surgery would remove him from my knowledge base of existance hope ur having a better sat than me :( ..uh toodles *...tears*
PowerOfOne Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Oh yeah, I have to be especially mindful of what I do with my phone if I'm on the squirt. Sorry to hear you're having a bad day... I still have them and it sucks. I'm over it, I'm so tired of it coming into my head uninvited. Today is one of those days. Might go do a round of the house and find something to do. I'm sure there is a load of washing that can be done.
Author bzoe Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 for the record? i loathe the very concept of my existance for letting this individual into my life. i've survived SO much just to be here with what people call "oh it happens" breakup where my self esteem, love, ..well anything is trampled for sport. my stupid effin self trying HARD as hell to be love by example. to be the best.. to respect boundaries.. every. literally EVERY. thing the man could want and need. to show that love "conquers all im. so disgusted. with myself right now as a human being that i want to cry. but i know that session will tax me of any physical energy i have left. holding off the best i can oh and eff yall..whoever think its ok for someone to dog a genuine person. people can change their minds, leave .. sure. but its NEVER ok to abuse a loving heart. the F***?! why dont they have this sh** in elementary school along with I after E except after C.. shi* ... ARGH!!!!
Author bzoe Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Oh yeah, I have to be especially mindful of what I do with my phone if I'm on the squirt. Sorry to hear you're having a bad day... I still have them and it sucks. I'm over it, I'm so tired of it coming into my head uninvited. Today is one of those days. Might go do a round of the house and find something to do. I'm sure there is a load of washing that can be done. really.. powerofone.. i wish i were where u are right now emotionally. just picturing it feels like a safe place. i dont understand waht to do with this amount of regret overwhelming me right now but thx for being here... really sigh..
PowerOfOne Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Stop that right now. Don't you dare put his failing as a person on you. Just cut that **** right out now. Unfortunatly, (and i've had to learn this the hard way as well), there are some absolutle dropkicks in the world. Some real pieces of work. They'll walk all over you without a second thought and take everything that you hold dear and think nothing of it because it doesn't mean anything to them. You're exactly right, it's never acceptable to abuse a loving heart. And for that it reflects on his character - or lack of it. Do not put this on your shoulders. Not for one second. There are enough other things that a dumpee has to deal with without taking on the dumpers failings as a decent human being.
PowerOfOne Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 It was only a few months ago I was where you are now bzoe... That sheer rawness of it... Looking back I don't know how i got through that first week. I put a lot on myself as well. For ages i thought it was all my fault, if only i had been more of a person. Went over and over in my head how i could have done things differently. But after the clouds clear I got to a stage where i could see clearly. I could see that it wasn't in fact my fault. Yes, i could have done things differently. I could have taken my 10 months of unemployment better, kept up the same motivaion in life. But that's BS. Being out of work stripped me of all my confidence. She never understood that - then left. That was really hard for me to accept. Still is to be honest 2 months later. (Luckily I landed my dream job two days before she dumped me) You have to take it one day at a time. Be patient and forgiving of yourself. Take care of yourself and what you want. Indulge yourself with something. Time will do its thing. In the meantime you just have to put one foot in front of the other and ride it out. Beleive that it will get better. It will, I promise. I bet my new job on it.
SeriousBob12 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 bzoe, hang in there! Take this is an experience to maybe stay off of the booze for a bit. I know for me - when I'm sad - alcohol just brings out my emotions and makes them smack me in the face. Post-breakup I got drunk twice. The first time was about 3 weeks after the BU, at a friends b-day bbq. It was a beautiful day and the bbq was a blast! At first I felt great and all the socializing kept my mind off of things! A few hours intomy buzz, is when it hit me and all I could think about was how much I missed my ex. I even poured my heart out to some girl I didn't even know...she was kind enough to listen and give me advice. I guess she really saw how sad I was...funny thing is we started talking at first because she was hitting on me. Guess she wasn't expecting that type of response! lol The second time (about 2 weeks later) was the WORST!!!!!! I went out for another friends b-day and actually had fun! A bunch of us did some pub-hopping, dancing, I got hit on a few times, and it was a great environment. I remember leaving and feeling pretty good....until it was on the walk back to designated driver and her husband's car that I found out my ex had a new boyfriend. This was about 5 or weeks after our breakup. I was DEVASTATED! Especially given that I had responded to an email from her about 5 days prior really putting my feelings on the line and trying to get "us" back...This would explain why I hadn't got a response yet (and never did). I went from a good night, to almost in tears in my friends car en route home. I didn't want to believe what I had just found out, I would have given anything to have it be a bad dream...My two friends stayed with me for a bit, but given that it was 2:30am and they had to pick their infant son from the babysitter they had to leave...I could tell they felt horrible. I sat there on my porch, chainsmoking and in shock...I wanted it to be a bad dream...I called and woke up another good friend who talked to me for a good 45 mins (bless him), but nothing could take the pain away....it was one of the lowest feelings I can remember. It does get better though! Chin up my dear. You will pull through this and in the end you'll be happy you aren't as low as you are right now. The progress is magical. My advice? Try to enjoy your night, but let this be a lesson to stay away from the sauce for a bit. It boggles my mind how others use it to cope/deal with their pain as it always just makes my problems seem worse. That's just me though. Be strong! You will prevail through this though!
Author bzoe Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 power of on.. serious bob.. i cant quantify my thank yous so please know its heart felt i had drinks tonight in an attempt to forget bout my woes ...lol x 100 anyway not only will i not be hard headed and take your advice, from now on ill keep my urges for online confessions the humiliation is not worth it.. my ex is a douchebag and in my mind i kept protecting him "image" calling his bad behavior a phase I trust from what i see on this forum that things get better. i don't think cocktails are bad with friends but they are a nightmare in your condo alone in front of a fireplace thinking someone you ditched you will all of a sudden care tonight he texted me accusing me of not wanting to be friends. forget "wtf" i just cant. so i blocked his number and shall proceed blocking everything else and thank you for checking me on the self esteem stuff bc for the 1st time in my life it hit and got stuck on an all time low that makes me think somethings wrong with me this is so hard. but i don't want to deal with this anymore. i wish there was a quit button thank you so much you guys. just.. thank you
PowerOfOne Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 bzoe, you are most welcome. Posting here and reading other people stories really helped me get through those early times. Keep posting and updating us on how you're going. There is always an open ear here for you to vent and ask the questions.
D78 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 bzoe, No more blaming yourself! Your ex f'd with your mind, making you feel like it was your fault that the relationship ended. You know it's not your fault (you said so, you did everything you could to make him happy). I think dumpers make dumpees feel bad so they don't feel bad about dumping them, or to shift the blame, or whatever. It's wrong. Like PowerOfOne said, it's a dropkick. Like everyone, you can make a list of what you did wrong, but you know deep down that the relationship ended because of who he was, not because of who you are. Good luck
SeriousBob12 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 power of on.. serious bob.. i cant quantify my thank yous so please know its heart felt i had drinks tonight in an attempt to forget bout my woes ...lol x 100 anyway not only will i not be hard headed and take your advice, from now on ill keep my urges for online confessions the humiliation is not worth it.. my ex is a douchebag and in my mind i kept protecting him "image" calling his bad behavior a phase I trust from what i see on this forum that things get better. i don't think cocktails are bad with friends but they are a nightmare in your condo alone in front of a fireplace thinking someone you ditched you will all of a sudden care tonight he texted me accusing me of not wanting to be friends. forget "wtf" i just cant. so i blocked his number and shall proceed blocking everything else and thank you for checking me on the self esteem stuff bc for the 1st time in my life it hit and got stuck on an all time low that makes me think somethings wrong with me this is so hard. but i don't want to deal with this anymore. i wish there was a quit button thank you so much you guys. just.. thank you You're very welcome! As they did for Power, these forums were HUGE in helping me in the early stages. I didn't post, I just lurked and read. It was nice to read and relate to others experiences. You aren't alone in going through this, many have been dealing with such horrible situations, a lot are going through them as I type this. You seem like you have a level head and an all around good person. You'll shine through this, and probably even come out a much stronger and better person. There is no "quit" button at this stage, but I can tell you that in the time to come you'll find peace and move on. Don't blame yourself for this. As my ex told me in one of her last emails "it takes TWO to tango....or not" He's just as guilty for the breakup, and it sounds like a lot more so than you. Focus on you and take it one day at a time. It's okay to vent and to hurt. In fact no better place to do it than the internet on a forum than to him. Be strong!
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