Trying to understand why my ex went back to her ex for the third time?

[slim255]

Hey,

 

Im 28 she is 37 and her ex is 25, strange she likes younger guys but she does seem mature for her age, alot of her friends are younger too, anyway.

 

They were together for about 3 years, living together for half that. From what she told me, they had a mild argument at a bar, she told him to bugger off, when he got home he told he that she disgusted him and he didnt want to see her again, she tried to talk to him but he didnt want any of it. so a few weeks later he came back to her telling her he made a mistake and asked her back, they got back together, then a few weeks after that he told her he made the wrong choice he wanted to splitup again, she was absolutely devastated, she sold all her stuff and moved back in with her parents that lived about 10min from him.

 

about two and a half moths after that (3 weeks before we met) he got in contact with her again wanting to get back, one of her good friends found out about that and told her not to that she had a nice guy for her to meet (me)

 

She lived in another town one hour drive from me, so we met up in a bar and we hit if off pretty much straight away, the next 6 weeks was great we had heaps of fun together, and for most part got on really well. she was offerd a job in my town so she moved here, thats when things starting getting a bit strange. before she moved she was so excited about being closer to me and being able to see me when ever she wanted, but she sorta started acting a bit distant.

 

That first six weeks we were together her ex had been ringing her at work, begging and crying for her to take him back, she told me one of those times it made her cry and she told him to let her get on with her life, but he didnt and hed been in contact on and off for the whole tim we were togther.

 

two weeks after she moved here (two weeks before xmas) she started pulling away and told me she wanted to take it slow, she really liked me but she was confused. she didnt want someone to answer to, she didnt want to have to txt me every nite, she wanted to be able to go away for the weekend without having to ask me (but she never did have to do any of that with me?)

 

her ex told her that he was moving over seas mid Jan to live and work but then told her he cancled his tickets cause he couldnt bare moving away from her.

 

so 3 weeks later, 1 week after xmas, i get home from my holiday, I get a call from her and she said she couldnt see us going anywhere, I told her that was bull**** there must be someone else, she said her ex came over to see her on xmas day and that she can see change in him, hes off the drugs and she wants to give him another chance, she doesnt want to go through life wonder "what if I just gave him another chance"

 

He also bought her a very expensive necklace for xmas. I only found out about that through a mutual friend

 

She had told me when we were together that the relationship with him was great, they were great together, she had no real idea why he left. well thats not so true as she did tell me about the few bad times they had.

 

This friend that got us together, didnt like her ex, said that he was controlling, didnt like her going out and riding her horse, didnt like her spending much time away from him. hed drink alot and do drugs, party all the time and so on.

 

I just dont get why she would give him another chance? she was so broken when they split. we were having a great time together she was so happy, her friend even said she hadnt seen her that happy in along time.

apparently they are not back together but they are talking.

 

Youd think at 37 shed know what she wanted? this girl is a stunner, she sure doesnt look 37.

 

things will be hard for them now that she lives an hour away from him

Edited January 9, 2011 by slim255

[cerridwen]

Hey,

 

I just dont get why she would give him another chance? she was so broken when they split. we were having a great time together she was so happy, her friend even said she hadnt seen her that happy in along time.

apparently they are not back together but they are talking.

 

 

Sorry that she got together with you before she was healed. Unless you pull away, she's going to take you for a ride since she obviously doesn't know if she's coming or going.

 

To answer your questions, she wants to fix him. That's why she is giving him another chance. She's one of those women who is drawn to the drama of a broken man. She loves the feeling of him "needing" her; it's really very unhealthy. She's giving a 3rd chance to an immature controlling druggie. What does that tell you about her? She maybe attractive and 37 but inside, she's broken and 13.

 

You sound more stable. I suggest you stand aside and let these two self-destructive drama queens wear each other down to emotional wrecks.

Edited January 9, 2011 by cerridwen

[slim255]

She is a social worker, and shes also spent years as a youth counselor, you would expect she would stay clear of drama.

 

Right from the start I said to her I wasnt going to get into anything with her if she wasnt over him, she assured me she was over it and shed never go back. I said I didnt want any drama just a nice normal relationship, she told me she didnt do drama and wanted the same.

 

I havent had any contact with her since tuesday when she dumped me and I dont plan on contacting her at all.

[cerridwen]

She is a social worker, and shes also spent years as a youth counselor...

 

So she is drawn to troubled people.

 

Good for you keeping to NC.

Don't be surprised if she contacts you after he dumps her again.

[slim255]

Don't be surprised if she contacts you after he dumps her again.

 

After all the effort he has put into trying to get her back and the money he has spent on gifts I couldnt imagine him doing that, well he would be silly to.

 

He probably only wanted her back so badly because he couldnt have her, but still, he did put a lot of effort into it.