calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 how can i move on? when everything reminds me of you! how can i move on..when the sound of your voice keeps playing in my mind like a broken record!! tell me HOW??? I loved you I love you but you dont! 3 years love-fights-smiles-sadness...we went through it all... but whats the point when now its OVER!! you dont want me to call you and you dont want to see me.. and here i am wishing and dreaming that i can go back to those good times! yet i know that i deserve better and that I MUST move on...for my own sake... or else Ill go crazy!! yet I miss you and I love you... and i cant help but want to cry yet I CANT even cry cos i feel so DRAINED OUT!!!
Papillon Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Cali, I feel your pain. Really, I do. I guess it's pointless to harp on all those old cliches like "Don't worry, you'll get over it", or "Time heals all wounds" or "You'll meet someone else who will truely love you for who you are.". Those things are just dandy, but no-one remembered to tell your broken heart. Three years is a long time, and I'm sure you lost a lot of yourself during that time. Relationships are, after all, a sacrifice of the "I" for the sake of the "you". The "you" is no more, he is gone, there is now only the "I", and it would do you well to rediscover it. Look fondly to the past for guidance, and with hope to the future. You will find that YOU are the guide upon that journey.
Author calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Author Posted March 19, 2004 yes i have lost myself..eveverything i did or thought was concentrated on him..this was bad...i went to school far away to be close to him..now we go to the same school... i stopped wearing colorful bracelts for him cos i thought i looked immature.. i stopped acting so crazy in public cos he would get embarassed..but now i see that its good i changed that cos i was pretty silly... but my point is that these 3 years i focused more on him then me, i would drop anything if he wanted to hang out with me..and i always wanted to make him feel good..for example he loves massages so i would give him 1 hour massages or more, i would satisfy, i would wash his cloth cos he doesnt have a washer at his apartment, i even would clean his room when i came over just to help out, if he ever was broke-which was rare..but IF ever..id let him have 5 bucks for arcades or whatever....for his bday or events i made sure i got him a good present cos i felt that he was worth it...so i never cared abotu the price..i always cared about him..when he was sad or down cops of his family probs-i did my best to cheer him up..and most of all i also made him have a bigger confidence even thlough he was always confident, i always told him that i was happy to see him, how cute his eyes were, how good it felt when he held me..and i never put him down.. ugh i just think i gave him lots! i just wonder will he ever realize this? are all girls like this??? im his first gf so he had no one to compare me with and i think thats why he didnt know how to appreciate.... anyways i love him still and we were together 3 years and 3 months:( since he was 16 now hes 19- and 20 in june and imma be 21 in july... things happen for a reason though... i gotta think about ME now and try to do nice things for myself, my family, friends..and realize theres more then just him and "us"..
Author calithin83 Posted March 20, 2004 Author Posted March 20, 2004 its weird..i think im repressing my feelings..i havent felt sad today...its 2nd day being single though..i havent cried but instead im acting like nothing has happened..i dont get it...i mean this is cool cos im not feeling down but is something wrong with me? maybe deep down inside i always wanted this cos i wasnt really happy with the relationship..and yes i do still lvoe him always will but i hold no grudge against him instead i caught myself sayign this today to my niece "im in a break with illan and i changed my cell just so he never can get in touch with me cos i wont get in touch with him..and plus we're young and we are both not ready..even thugh we care for eachother but like the saying goes..when u let go someone u love..if they come back it means its meant to be, if they dont then its just not meant"...weird...i just know that im feeling peaceful today and i doubt imma cry...im actually okay...even though i know i love my bf and would still hate seeing him with another chick..but..well i rather feel this way then sad and cryful..but who knows whats gonna happen the following days..Pray to Jesus cChrist and HE WILL give u strength!!
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