Woman DO NOT like jerks...we DO WANT nice guys!

[Castillo]

He doesn't take **** from me or anyone else, yet is kind and loving. He responds appropriately to the situation. He is a nice guy when warranted but can be a hard ass when that is called for.

 

Can you explain the bolded txt further as I feel I come across this when dating some girls.

 

I think this can be taken in at least 2 ways.

 

My first take on this is that whilst he should not behave badly, you are allowed to try and behave badly and he must respond appropriately to the attempt of bad behaviour. This to me is double standards.

 

My second take on this is that you are allowed to attempt to behave badly in order to test him to see if he can be a hard ass when called for.

 

My guess is that you mean the latter, but it could be something else altogther.

Edited January 9, 2011 by Castillo
shdsj

[Surrealist]

No!!! I like that you are nice

 

Awwwww.

[Els]

Because its those words that sell their products effectively to their target audience (nice guys who are desperate)..

 

I consider myself to be a nice guy.... never had any trouble getting dates and finding women thruout my life. I did have decent game though back in the day and understood how to attract the type of woman I wanted.

 

This.

 

---------

[Woggle]

Not all women do but I have never known a scumbag that had problems. Like I said before I used to be friendly with a few criminal types because I used to come from it was become friendly with him or become a target and none of them struggled with women. Not a one. Even the junkies who sold drugs to support their own habit always had a woman around.

 

I will say that good men with self respect tend to attract much higher quality women.

[musemaj11]

Women dont like jerks. But women like men who are unattached. And since jerks are usually the unattached types, people make inductive conclusion that women like jerks.

[TheWatcher]

 

At any rate, quality women don't date jerks. That doesn't mean they don't want men who are assertive and have self-respect, but they want that self-respect to extend to respecting others, treating them well, and living with integrity and a healthy live attitude. People seem to make this idea more difficult than it is.

 

 

zengirl,great insight !! You've made some excellent points..as you most often do.

However,I think that a man who is

consistently nurturing,attentive & sweet

towards their partner will find that he will be taken for granted & walked all over, eventually.

 

Some people thrive on unpredictability within a relationship & if they always know what to expect from a partner they will tire of him.As I wrote earlier,some enjoy the feeling of always being on the edge of their seats,the feeling of anticipation....Oh,what's he going to do next ? How's he going to react ?

 

If I were in a relationship,my inclination would lean

towards respect,consideration and attentiveness

towards my partner but unfortunately,I think that

I would have to adopt some jerk qualities.Even

though it would be contrary to my actual personality.

[carhill]

Different people have different relationship styles. A drama pursuer and a consistent and stable person would merely be incompatible, which is not to say that they wouldn't perhaps find each other attractive. This is where emotional maturity comes into play, recognizing the attraction and the unhealthiness and/or incompatibility of their relationship styles. It's part of people picking. We perhaps cannot choose whom we are attracted to but we can choose how we process that attraction and act (or not act) on it.

 

IME, all I really had to do to modify the basic 'nice guy' behavior set was to add some firm boundaries and walk away from anyone who didn't respect them. Simple. Done. Next

[Disillusioned]

I think it depends on your definition of the terms.

 

Nice Guy is too often defined as a sap. Someone who lets a girl walk all over him and lets others take advantage. And no, I'd never date this kind of man.

 

But I don't want a jerk either. A man who is cruel, thoughtless and self absorbed will never get my attention either.

 

I want a MAN. Someone who is confident and fun. He doesn't take **** from me or anyone else, yet is kind and loving. He responds appropriately to the situation. He is a nice guy when warranted but can be a hard ass when that is called for.

 

I once was that man, until I got so tired of the mean-spirited women I attracted that I just said forget it. And that's why the decent men are so hard to find... when women push our buttons, we end our relationships and take ourselves off the market in protest, leaving you to get all the jerks and NiceGuys that you want. We're ready to give you another chance when you're ready to stop messing with us and play it straight. Fair?

[catgotyourtongue]

Hi

nope, don't like jerks, bad boys etc. I outgrew that a while ago. I like a strong man, with some confidence, but love a sensitive guy who shows compassion, and his heart, even some weaknessess. Cause we all got em'. I would way rather date the man that showed me several sides of him, flaws, weaknesses, etc and strenghts then date someone who acted like a jerk and thought he had nothing to gain or learn from a woman.

 

I like them sweet and strong, and a sense of vulnerability. I don't gel with a doormat, but I am highly attracted to men who can show me the soft side too and be be open to working on his "self" in areas that are important to him or a relationship. SHOW me that side, yahooo.

 

Bottom line, I appreciate nice guys. Strong men, tough men, can also be very nice. I was in love with one for a long time, very very much a man, ultimate man, wow, in every way, and yet he was also very tender, sweet and kind.

[Feelin Frisky]

Feelin Frisky - does this "wanting" also apply to men? Do they also have that need?

 

Yes. It's not necessarily a "need" for either gender however. It is a want. And some people choose convenience over uncertainty. I can't speak for all men but makes me say yes to your question is that I have experienced times of unrequited "love" in my life--been absolutely "love sick" for women that were in my scope but unattainable. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. They came over me and changed me for a time where everything else just seemed to not matter, I just seized with this feeling of want. I can't imagine that having any of these girls would have resulted in the feeling being sustained--everyone's shi+ stinks and today's love is often tomorrow's hate for a lot of people. I never analyzed the "want" when I had it, it just was there and it was special. I hope for it to happen again and again in the future. Having will always be something else to negotiate.

[zengirl]

Not all women do but I have never known a scumbag that had problems. Like I said before I used to be friendly with a few criminal types because I used to come from it was become friendly with him or become a target and none of them struggled with women. Not a one. Even the junkies who sold drugs to support their own habit always had a woman around.

 

I will say that good men with self respect tend to attract much higher quality women.

 

I guess the distinction does need to be made between quality and quantity, but for most men, the girls the criminals you mention attract are going to just drive them crazy and make their love lives harder, no?

[Woggle]

I guess the distinction does need to be made between quality and quantity, but for most men, the girls the criminals you mention attract are going to just drive them crazy and make their love lives harder, no?

 

If a man is looking for real love then he does not want these want these women. Most of these guys that I knew though were just interested in having as much sex as they could.

[hydorclops]

I first understood the idea that nice guys are lame because of the aphorism, Nice guys finish last.

 

Nice guys finish last is advice for men in business.

 

It was later in my life when I noticed it applied to relationships.

[Stung]

Fellas, judge women by their actions and NOT what they say. That's the best advice I can give on the subject. To the women out there, if you say you want a nice guy then put your money where your mouth is and stop going out with the cocky guys that you complain about later, but just can't stop yourselves from having sex with. .

 

I did. I have a history of dating several good men, and my husband is a wonderful man, who I just can't stop myself from having sex with.

[xpaperxcutx]

No such thing as nice guys, only assertive, confident men. I've seen wimpy boys and doormats.

 

And there's a huge difference between jerks/douchebags and quality men. Act a gentlemen and we'll treat you like a men.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I'm sick of seeing those ads on the internet where it says "GIRLS LOVE JERKS...NOT THE NICE GUYS. LEARN TO GET GIRLS" bla bla.

What is that?

Why advertise like this? Yes, it would seem some women swoon over the dude in the black leather jacket who happens to drive that sleek motorcyle and oh, he happens to have the 'bad guy' persona written all over his sexy face.... but that doesn't mean we want him to be a jerk to us!

 

Look at it from a male perspective. Success with women is extremely important. It makes you more attractive to other women, and can raise your standing with other men.

 

While women can overlook massive faults in a man, insecurity, weakness. and emotional vulnerability are regarded as disgusting.

 

So, how do you create the confidence required for success? How do you create the required amount of emotional detachment?

[Citizen Erased]

I have the nicest, sweetest guy I know, it breaks my heart when I have to say goodbye to him and it's because he treats me better than anyone ever has, not because he's a arsehole to me and I get off on it.

 

It goes both ways, plenty of guys out there going for vapid, soulless little twits because they're easy on the eyes.

[Woggle]

I have to be fair and say that I never knew a cold hearted witch that struggled with men either. Every maneater I have known has a ton of lining themselves up to become the next victim. It seems that in today's world actually being a good person has little to no value to many people. It's sad.

[carhill]

Wogs, you know, people sometimes put on masks. It sounds like we've both seen that. The cold-hearted witches you speak of succeed because they can mask with complete detachment, *appearing* to be loving, kind and, most importantly, *available*. This combination, especially the masked intimacy part, is very seductive. I see the same psychology in womanizing and/or 'bad boy' males.

 

The really cool thing is, if one just opens themselves and accepts, these people reveal themselves in obvious ways. I see it every day in real life. I see it here on LS. For awhile, I was that kind of person. Blech...

 

I've noted over many years that, when one is a stable and good person, little is *perceived* to stand out from the crowd. Women and men tend to go for the 'standout' in romance. Adjusting my people picker to clearly discern stability and goodness as 'standouts' has been part of the journey back to health. If/when I meet a like-minded lady, then perhaps romance may happen again. If not, nothing wrong with a little health.

 

So, topically, IMO, synergy will occur when want, like and *attraction* match up with the stated parameter of 'nice guy'. So far, in life, I've seen little synergy, but I am optimistic.

[catgotyourtongue]

 

 

Really, is that what a man's goal should be? To be the biggest mistake someone else made? For real? You really believe that?

 

Hmmm, being a total d*k, can't say that is a factor in who I choose to sleep with and love and like. When I was 20, I liked bad boys, now that I am a grown folk, I wouldn't give a real a-hole the time of day. Do I think jerkier guys have better change of getting laid when they are younger (20 even 30), some will, but heck there has to be other goals in life than getting laid. Women do grow up, and change, evolve, and usually dont choose LTR with a jerk. I would NOT choose casual sex with a jerk. Most jerks grow up too and then when they want a real woman or LTR all this jerkiness and a-hole-ness bites them in the butt. They then don't have the skills to be better acting men and get decent women.

 

 

If your sole goal in life is to get laid, then who can really argue with that. Usually, even jerky boyz grow up a little, and then I would say to that, "how is that working for you"????? Once the "being a jerk" persona wears off, what's left?

 

 

Hmmm, what turns me on:

-a man showing up for a date on time

-a man treating me with respect

-a man who is strong and sensitive, and present

-a man who DOES call back and text back appropriately

-a man who shows he is stable and reliabe

this man, will have a much better chance WITH ME, than a jerk any day.

 

THERE are also a lot of women out there terribly scarred from dating jerks, there are a lot of women out there who will never date a jerk, there are a lot of women who have ruined their lives over dating men who do what your suggest. There are a lot of women out there WHO DUMP men like this, and leave them. Dating a jerk GETS real old. Big time

 

----

[Taramere]

If it's a bar slag or a feminist then just be a douche and you'll get laid. Really, with sluts, you don't need any game, because they are, well, sluts. This category is about 90% of North American white women.

 

Enough with the stereotypes about "sluttish" white women. We've got an increasing problem in Europe with racist sex attacks on women - and it's not helped by the promotion of this kind of hostile perception. There's nothing "nice" about anybody that encourages these ****ty stereotypes that promote racist attacks on people.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Enough with the stereotypes about "sluttish" white women. We've got an increasing problem in Europe with racist sex attacks on women - and it's not helped by the promotion of this kind of hostile perception. There's nothing "nice" about anybody that encourages these ****ty stereotypes that promote racist attacks on people.

 

Racist sex attacks? Where? By who?

[Taramere]

Racist sex attacks? Where? By who?

 

If I were to list endless accounts I would be accused of being inflammatory...but there are endless accounts. It's been highlighted in the Scandinavian countries in recent years, with politicians, police and and academics arguing over whether girls should accept changing social mores which by modifying the way they dress, not going out unaccompanied etc.

 

In the UK, the argument is topical at the moment because of a recent case involving the abuse of a large number of teenage girls. It's discussed in this this Guardian blog, but tends to be regarded as an inflammatory subject. Which no doubt it is...so I'm not intending to get into a detailed argument about this. I do think, though, it's about time people got called on promoting these harmful and abusive stereotypes about white women.

[Untouchable_Fire]

If I were to list endless accounts I would be accused of being inflammatory...but there are endless accounts. It's been highlighted in the Scandinavian countries in recent years, with politicians, police and and academics arguing over whether girls should accept changing social mores which by modifying the way they dress, not going out unaccompanied etc.

In the UK, the argument is topical at the moment because of a recent case involving the abuse of a large number of teenage girls. It's discussed in this this Guardian blog, but tends to be regarded as an inflammatory subject. Which no doubt it is...so I'm not intending to get into a detailed argument about this. I do think, though, it's about time people got called on promoting these harmful and abusive stereotypes about white women.

 

This isn't a chicken and egg situation. If they stop acting like trashy sluts these men will stop seeing them as such.

 

It's funny that when I point out that western women have a terrible reputation around the world nobody believes me... yet suddenly it's believable when we look at them as victims.

[Jazzari]

Too right unforgettable fire!

 

White Women have been promoting themselves as slutty in the media since even before Madonna, in the spirit of being 'sexually liberated'. It's been force fed to the world through feminism and the mainstream media. But no man better dare say anything about it, otherwise we're 'stereotyping' and 'judging'.

 

Sorry, but western white women are responsible for the perception they have put out there of themselves due to their feministic agenda.

 

 

 

Funny that Asian and Black women do not put out these sort of stereotypes of themselves.

 

Example: Beyonce, Lucy Liu, Tina Turner, Whitney Houston, Janet Jackson, Lauryn Hill - all sexy without being slutty.

 

Contrast that with all the white women celebs:

 

Example: Britney Spears, Christina Aguiliera, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Pam Anderson, Paris Hilton......even sweet little Leann Rimes is going down that road.

 

YUCK!!

 

The first list is far more desirable.

 

 

 

Notice the contrast people? All of the Black and Asian women have class, whilst the white women promote themselves purely on the skank factor. MADONNA being the worst offender.

I think you need to take into account the percentages. There are more white celebrities than minorities. It's easy to pick out a list of skanky ones from the whites just because there are so many. But there are plenty of nice white girls too.