Woman DO NOT like jerks...we DO WANT nice guys!

[Viva]

I'm sick of seeing those ads on the internet where it says "GIRLS LOVE JERKS...NOT THE NICE GUYS. LEARN TO GET GIRLS" bla bla.

 

What is that?

 

Why advertise like this? Yes, it would seem some women swoon over the dude in the black leather jacket who happens to drive that sleek motorcyle and oh, he happens to have the 'bad guy' persona written all over his sexy face.... but that doesn't mean we want him to be a jerk to us!

 

If that's the case and certain girls actually like that crap than they themselves have much growing up to do. I want to see couples happy and in healthy relationships, not relationships built upon jerks and the chicks who dig them. Those won't last long.

 

I, on the other hand, love a nice guy. Someone whose himself and not afraid to be a joker and laugh at himself, when a guy takes himself too seriously it's a deterrent to the relationship.

 

Being yourself doesn't mean telling us everything about you, just let it go and be alive in your relationship. We'll figure you out soon

 

I don't know, I'm rushing this but oh well.

 

What do you think? Am I right? Wrong? In between?

[AverageJoe]

Yeah, the Flanders character from the Simpsons is one sexy mother****er. I could see that.

[Cracker Jack]

Probably in-between.

[Art_Critic]

Why advertise like this?

 

Because its those words that sell their products effectively to their target audience (nice guys who are desperate)..

 

I consider myself to be a nice guy.... never had any trouble getting dates and finding women thruout my life. I did have decent game though back in the day and understood how to attract the type of woman I wanted.

[johan]

I'm a jerk, and I get nowhere with women. So there must be something to this theory of yours.

[Jazzari]

I think it depends on your definition of the terms.

 

Nice Guy is too often defined as a sap. Someone who lets a girl walk all over him and lets others take advantage. And no, I'd never date this kind of man.

 

But I don't want a jerk either. A man who is cruel, thoughtless and self absorbed will never get my attention either.

 

I want a MAN. Someone who is confident and fun. He doesn't take **** from me or anyone else, yet is kind and loving. He responds appropriately to the situation. He is a nice guy when warranted but can be a hard ass when that is called for.

[Art_Critic]

I'm a jerk, and I get nowhere with women. So there must be something to this theory of yours.

Hey you dang woodchucks!! Quit chuckin' my wood!!

 

Maybe the problem is that you spend too much time jerking your wood

[Viva]

Yeah, the Flanders character from the Simpsons is one sexy mother****er. I could see that.

Oh yeah, even his name: Flanders. That's just smokin'. Kind of makes me want some flounder.

[Viva]

I consider myself to be a nice guy.... never had any trouble getting dates and finding women thruout my life. I did have decent game though back in the day and understood how to attract the type of woman I wanted.

 

What type of woman is this you're referring to?

[kdark]

I think it depends on your definition of the terms.

 

This is how I see it too.

 

Nice guy = Doormat

 

Jerk = Confidence

[TheWatcher]

I don't think that any man wants to be referred to or be thought of as a nice guy (by a woman).It does not have a positive connotation.

 

Women,generally appreciate unpredictability,spontaneity &

mystery.If your partner always knows what to expect in

terms of your behaviour & how she will be treated;she

will tire of you.Yes,by all means be considerate,thoughtful,

a gentleman but do so sparingly.Be aloof,distant and cold

at times.Even if it means going against your natural

instincts.

 

Some women thrive on constantly being on the edge of

their seats What's he going to do next ? How's he going

to act/react ? Some people will become bored with their

partner if they aren't provided with butterflies 24/7 &

entertained on a continual basis.

[samsungxoxo]

I don't even bother answering to those adverstisements anymore. I'm suspecting some (not all) of those threads were trolls seeking attention. No mature man would talk like that and would find something else to focus in life than complain about how his life with women (us) suck or ask how to get laid.

 

No we do not like immature jerks who can't figure out what they want in life. Maybe it might be all fun & thrill if the girl doesn't want any serious commitment but once it gets serious, he will be tossed like yesterday's newpaper.

[Feelin Frisky]

This business about nice giy versus "jerk" is new to me. It used to the nice guy versus the bad boy where a "jerk" was just a fu_kin' jerk which no one would want to be. Now in typical jerky fashion the whole thing has been reduced to nice guy versus jerk. Maybe there's something to that as the "bad boy" so often does turn out to be just a fu_kin' jerk who reies to look cool.

[Kamille]

Women,generally appreciate unpredictability,spontaneity &

mystery.If your partner always knows what to expect in

terms of your behaviour & how she will be treated;she

will tire of you.Yes,by all means be considerate,thoughtful,

a gentleman but do so sparingly.Be aloof,distant and cold

at times.Even if it means going against your natural

instincts.

 

 

Of course I love spontaneity and am always thrilled when my boyfriend says something so brilliant it blows me away. Yes I found him intriguing when we first met. He would ask me a bunch a questions and only reveal tidbits of himself, all of which I found enticing. No, I don't want someone who is at my beck and call. I love that he has his own life.

 

There is no direct correlation between being unpredictable, spontaneous and intriguing and being aloof, distant and cold. Or, put another way, there are better ways to be unpredictable, spontaneous and intriguing than being inauthentically aloof, distant and cold.

[Jazzari]

If the guy is aloof, distant and cold I will walk every time. Hell, I will run. He might get away with it once but never twice.

 

I like butterflies as much as the next girl, but there are positive ways to get that feeling.

 

Teasing, laughter, a sense of play and a bit of the devil in his eye. All those unpredictable and FUN things will keep me on the edge and wondering what he will do next. And there should be plenty of down time too where you can relax and just enjoy being together.

 

You don't have to be easy, and I'll even agree with leaving them wanting more. But time spent should always be enjoyable for both of you. Else why bother?

[Feelin Frisky]

....the bottom line is that women don't want a good guy or a bad guy. What they want is to WANT. We almost always overlook this dynamic because people feel compelled to take a side when things are expressed in terms of "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong". But hear me out.

 

True romance always involves uncertainty, risk, illusions, mis-perceptions, some times obsession but always a feeling of being consumed by passion. Though these may sound "bad" or unwanted to some degree, in experience they define our lives--who we are, what we are. They are the heights and depths of our experience in many regards. A so-called "nice guy" or "good guy" can actually rob a woman of these experiences by making things so easy so soon. In effect, she doesn't want a "bad guy", she just wants to experience the mystery and extents of "wanting". And she usually answers this by choosing someone who'll indeed give her that drama--whether it's good for her in the longest run or not. The romance of "want" is often even more compelling than all of the pleasures of "having".

 

Consider that humans are not alone in this at all. Animals live out the same dynamic. Young lionesses will favor the freewheeler instead of the safety of being in the harem of the dominant male. It's not that she "loves" the freewheeler--she doesn't even yet know him. She just follows the passion of experiencing her own "wants". It's a whole dimension of life she'll miss if she just yields to order.

 

If men apply this to themselves perhaps they will learn not to take things so personally, catch themselves when their actions of infatuation will actually work against them, and work on a healthy detachment which could become the grounds for a "mystique" a women will "want" to avail herself to.

I quoted myself above from another thread on this same subject.

[Jazzari]

Feelin Frisky - does this "wanting" also apply to men? Do they also have that need?

[Kamille]

if the guy is aloof, distant and cold i will walk every time. Hell, i will run. He might get away with it once but never twice.

 

I like butterflies as much as the next girl, but there are positive ways to get that feeling.

 

Teasing, laughter, a sense of play and a bit of the devil in his eye. All those unpredictable and fun things will keep me on the edge and wondering what he will do next. And there should be plenty of down time too where you can relax and just enjoy being together.

 

You don't have to be easy, and i'll even agree with leaving them wanting more. But time spent should always be enjoyable for both of you. Else why bother?

 

qft

 

________

[Surrealist]

I'm a nice guy, borderline doormat.

 

But I'm working tenaciously on my bad-boy jerk qualities every day.

[Taramere]

Yeah, the Flanders character from the Simpsons is one sexy mother****er. I could see that.

 

Well Mr Burns isn't turning anybody's knees to jelly, apart from Smithers. Then there's Bad Boy Cartman from South Park. I don't see women queuing up for a piece of that.

[zengirl]

I think the only problem with the phrase "nice guy" (as people have said, Oh, that has a bad connotation, etc), is that I do see girls using it when they're turning down guys who aren't horrible, just not their taste, i.e. "He's a nice guy, I just don't think we connect. . . " But linking the two thoughts is silly. His 'niceness' has nothing to do with the lack of connection; the girl is just recognizing he is not 'faulty' in any way. So, I get the negative feelings associated with being called one, but I don't think it's really a negative thing.

 

And when girls say, "Man, he's a jerk, I'm not seeing him again," it means way worse -- it means she's saying the guy is faulty in the situation. Same result, but more blame on the guy.

 

That said, if the best thing a girl can say about a guy is that he's "nice" then she's probably not going to date him long. It's just not a very vivid adjective. It doesn't mean girls prefer jerks, or even that they don't like nice, kind, good men, but that we have a tendency to fall back on vague adjectives like "nice" when we find the person otherwise good/okay/nice but just not our cuppa.

 

At any rate, quality women don't date jerks. That doesn't mean they don't want men who are assertive and have self-respect, but they want that self-respect to extend to respecting others, treating them well, and living with integrity and a healthy live attitude. People seem to make this idea more difficult than it is.

 

That said, sure, there are some messed up women who tend to be attracted to jerks. They may even be hot, in some cases. If that's what you want, it's never going to end well.

[OceanGirl]

I'm a nice guy, borderline doormat.

 

But I'm working tenaciously on my bad-boy jerk qualities every day.

 

No!!! I like that you are nice

[BS76]

I'm sick of seeing those ads on the internet where it says "GIRLS LOVE JERKS...NOT THE NICE GUYS. LEARN TO GET GIRLS" bla bla.

 

What is that?

 

Why advertise like this? Yes, it would seem some women swoon over the dude in the black leather jacket who happens to drive that sleek motorcyle and oh, he happens to have the 'bad guy' persona written all over his sexy face.... but that doesn't mean we want him to be a jerk to us!

 

If that's the case and certain girls actually like that crap than they themselves have much growing up to do. I want to see couples happy and in healthy relationships, not relationships built upon jerks and the chicks who dig them. Those won't last long.

 

I, on the other hand, love a nice guy. Someone whose himself and not afraid to be a joker and laugh at himself, when a guy takes himself too seriously it's a deterrent to the relationship.

 

Being yourself doesn't mean telling us everything about you, just let it go and be alive in your relationship. We'll figure you out soon

 

I don't know, I'm rushing this but oh well.

 

What do you think? Am I right? Wrong? In between?

 

The reason those ads are effective is because by a certain point in their lives most guys have realized women say one thing and will do something else entirely (and often contrary to what they say). For example, they say they want a "nice guy", but then go have sex with the jerk boyfriend they complain about to the nice guy friend. Meanwhile the nice guy friend is thinking "HELLO! I'm right here!!!"

 

Fellas, judge women by their actions and NOT what they say. That's the best advice I can give on the subject. To the women out there, if you say you want a nice guy then put your money where your mouth is and stop going out with the cocky guys that you complain about later, but just can't stop yourselves from having sex with. Also, to the so called "nice guys", just so you know as a general rule nice is synonymous with boring in the typical context of how women refer to guys as being "nice". When girls call you a jerk, on the surface it's a bad thing, but deep down in reality it's good because it means you got to them and aren't going to be seen as an asexual being and be put into the "he's like a brother" box.

Edited January 9, 2011 by BS76

[waynebrady]

I don't think any of you do, but really this is the same thing as when women say "men like the chase" "men like it when the woman plays hard to get" etc etc which is not true either.

 

What I mean is, guys says women want bad guys and women always say guys like the chase. Neither of those statements are true...

[zengirl]

To the women out there, if you say you want a nice guy then put your money where your mouth is and stop going out with the cocky guys that you complain about later, but just can't stop yourselves from having sex with.

 

Thing is, I think they do!

 

My boyfriend is nice, kind, nerdy, sweet, handsome, and brilliant. He knows how to nurture relationships and treats all people with respect. I seriously doubt anyone ever put him in the "jerk" category. All the healthy, non-flaky, kind women I know (the ones who know how to nurture relationships) have chosen similar men.

 

So, maybe the guys that complain women want jerks are just the guys who want the flaky girls?