Titania22 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Here's a question for you guys out there who really want girlfriends, and possibly haven't had one yet. If after getting a girlfriend, you realised that your sexual performance with her, was inhibited by how recently or how often you masturbated, would you change your behaviour (i.e. give up or heavily reduce the number of times you spend masturbating)? Are your solo flights more important to you, then having a sexual relationship with a real life girl?
kdark Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 To me, masturbation is just something I do to keep myself from walking around with a stiffy all day. Once I get a girlfriend, masturbation takes a back seat to sex with her.
USMCHokie Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 When Hokie has girlfriend, Hokie doesn't 'bate. Sex FTW.
Cracker Jack Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 When me and my friend were sexually involved, I stopped masturbating altogether because of her. She was never my girlfriend, either. I hate masturbation; it's like a disgusting addiction I can't seem to break. I'd be quick to discard that crap if I had a girlfriend, tho--or if I had a woman I was sexually involved with, at least.
fishtaco Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Of course, sex with GF always better than masturbation. Even more strange than that, some people actually choose to play video games over having sex with their GF. Something I don't understand.
Author Titania22 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Thankyou Guys for your responses. It would seem like a no brainer to me either. It hurts my feelings to be with a guy, who seems to keep choosing to masturbate, despite the fact that it makes having sex with him a redundant activity. I have also been asking myself (especially in light of some of the other threads on here recently), why I don't feel committed to being exclusive with him. I am not saying that i am having sex with anyone else, or even looking. What I am saying is that if I were faced with some (hypothetical) sexy interested guy, I am not sure I would say no, or even feel guilty. I wouldn't have a problem with masturbation, if he could still bring it. But he can't, and it frustrates me that even having it spelt out for him (i.e. if you have masturbated in the last 48hrs sex is redundant), he still doesn't get it. So after seeing all the frustration threads from guys on ls, about wanting a gf, it makes me feel better that if you do get one at some stage, you will be putting your sexual activities with her in front of your solo ones. 1
kdark Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Thankyou Guys for your responses. It would seem like a no brainer to me either. It hurts my feelings to be with a guy, who seems to keep choosing to masturbate, despite the fact that it makes having sex with him a redundant activity. I have also been asking myself (especially in light of some of the other threads on here recently), why I don't feel committed to being exclusive with him. I am not saying that i am having sex with anyone else, or even looking. What I am saying is that if I were faced with some (hypothetical) sexy interested guy, I am not sure I would say no, or even feel guilty. I wouldn't have a problem with masturbation, if he could still bring it. But he can't, and it frustrates me that even having it spelt out for him (i.e. if you have masturbated in the last 48hrs sex is redundant), he still doesn't get it. So after seeing all the frustration threads from guys on ls, about wanting a gf, it makes me feel better that if you do get one at some stage, you will be putting your sexual activities with her in front of your solo ones. When I was in a relationship, it didn't matter if I masturbated twenty minutes ago, I was still ready to go for a romp in the sack. To me, masturbation is an activity that I use just for release of sexual tension. But if there is a live girl in front of me wanting some action, I could easily still perform well enough. What exactly is your complaint with his sex performance? Can he not keep a woody, or does he not want to even get started?
Feelin Frisky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 As long as the GF keeps putting out, no need for slamming the ham. It usually starts going downhill though when you start shacking up. Then she goes to bed like a nun and you wind up wacking off.
Surrealist Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 A lack of sexual interest at the early stages of a relationship is..... bad. I mean, unless there is some kind of change or intervention or something, highly unlikely it will get better.
musemaj11 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 The best thing about jacking off is that u only have urself to please.
ComeUndone Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Thankyou Guys for your responses. It would seem like a no brainer to me either. It hurts my feelings to be with a guy, who seems to keep choosing to masturbate, despite the fact that it makes having sex with him a redundant activity. I have also been asking myself (especially in light of some of the other threads on here recently), why I don't feel committed to being exclusive with him. I am not saying that i am having sex with anyone else, or even looking. What I am saying is that if I were faced with some (hypothetical) sexy interested guy, I am not sure I would say no, or even feel guilty. I wouldn't have a problem with masturbation, if he could still bring it. But he can't, and it frustrates me that even having it spelt out for him (i.e. if you have masturbated in the last 48hrs sex is redundant), he still doesn't get it. So after seeing all the frustration threads from guys on ls, about wanting a gf, it makes me feel better that if you do get one at some stage, you will be putting your sexual activities with her in front of your solo ones. ...And I thought I was the only one dealing with this sh*t. I am totally into my bf, I am good-looking, I have the "traits" he desires in a woman, I accept his porn with no b!tching whatsover, I will have him any time he wants and I initiate too, I get down and dirty with him, ..... but he still whacks off and screws up our intimacy. He generally needs 2 days in between MB and sex with be to have a good build-up. You think he can at least refrain from whacking off the nights before we are spending together? Nope. He turns on his porn, does his thing and then the next night we often have to incorporate his fetishes, which should be reserved for lesser occasions, or else he wont be able to have one. It's BS.
U1987 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 When I do have girlfriends, I still 'bate because I may feel look at another girl (in person, on film or in porn) and feel attracted to her, because I want to last longer when I meet my GF and also, because I can't see her every single night.
Author Titania22 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 When I was in a relationship, it didn't matter if I masturbated twenty minutes ago, I was still ready to go for a romp in the sack. To me, masturbation is an activity that I use just for release of sexual tension. But if there is a live girl in front of me wanting some action, I could easily still perform well enough. What exactly is your complaint with his sex performance? Can he not keep a woody, or does he not want to even get started? He can't cum at all, if he has mastubated within 48hrs of sex. Not once, not at all. What is the point of having sex with a guy who isn't going to cum? It's the ultimate proof he enjoyed himself. Not to mention gives me an esteem boost, and thus leads to me wanting to have sex more often. ...And I thought I was the only one dealing with this sh*t. I am totally into my bf, I am good-looking, I have the "traits" he desires in a woman, I accept his porn with no b!tching whatsover, I will have him any time he wants and I initiate too, I get down and dirty with him, ..... but he still whacks off and screws up our intimacy. He generally needs 2 days in between MB and sex with be to have a good build-up. You think he can at least refrain from whacking off the nights before we are spending together? Nope. He turns on his porn, does his thing and then the next night we often have to incorporate his fetishes, which should be reserved for lesser occasions, or else he wont be able to have one. It's BS. ComeUndone, I am not sure if it is a relief, or a bad sign that you are going through the same thing. When I do have girlfriends, I still 'bate because I may feel look at another girl (in person, on film or in porn) and feel attracted to her, because I want to last longer when I meet my GF and also, because I can't see her every single night. U1987 I don't want you to last a long time, I want you to cum multiple times, as it is a compliment. I was talking to a friend of mine today, and it seems I am not the only girl who would like shorter sex, multiple times, over 1 long stretch (which may or may not have a happy ending). And the new info I have learnt today, is there was a scientific study which found that semen is an addictive antidepressant for women. Women in relationships who have sex without condoms, are less likely to break up with their partners, and are likely to suffer more during breakups than women who used condoms, due to the semen withdrawal. Assuming the results of the study are valid, it is little wonder I feel cheated and angry when my partner won't cum. 1
Els Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Huh, semen an antidepressant? Unless they're talking about swallowing, how does having semen in the vagina aid in depression? Regardless of whether or not the study is valid, I really don't think it's fair to anyone, male or female, if the other party consistently masturbates despite knowing that it affects their sexual performance. I've done it before on occasion - masturbated, thinking bf wouldn't want to have some anytime soon... 'whoops, he can still feel like sex after 12 hours of work? Ah well..'. BUT, in your case, it is no occasional fluke shot, no mistake.. he KNOWS it is happening, he KNOWS it is affecting sex and affecting you, and he still does it. What does your partner say when you bring this up?
Author Titania22 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 What does your partner say when you bring this up? Well yesterday he said "I didn't know you were going to visit." So I guess that makes spontanaety impossible.
EasyHeart Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 He can't cum at all, if he has mastubated within 48hrs of sex. Not once, not at all. What is the point of having sex with a guy who isn't going to cum? It's the ultimate proof he enjoyed himself. Not to mention gives me an esteem boost, and thus leads to me wanting to have sex more often. U1987 I don't want you to last a long time, I want you to cum multiple times, as it is a compliment. I was talking to a friend of mine today, and it seems I am not the only girl who would like shorter sex, multiple times, over 1 long stretch (which may or may not have a happy ending). Assuming the results of the study are valid, it is little wonder I feel cheated and angry when my partner won't cum. So this is all about YOU? Sex is about emotional intimacy, not achieving an orgasm. If it were, I would probably choose masturbation over intercourse, because I can (frankly) give myself a better orgasm than any woman can. What I can't give myself is intimacy and closeness. When I read your posts, I assumed you were saying that he can't achieve an erection if he masturbates and he refuses to have sex with you, not that he has trouble achieving an orgasm. Does he have sex with you? Does he complain that he doesn't orgasm? As men get older, it's normal for them to take longer to orgasm and to have a much longer period of time to recover. The number of times a man ejaculates is a function of his body, not his partner's desirability. When I was 18 I could come 4 times in a row and it only took my a few minutes to orgasm (often to the disappointment of my partner!). Once a night is my limit now, and it takes a long time before I come (usually to the delight of my partner!) I could not give my partner "shorter sex, multiple times" no matter if this was her preference. Fortunately for me, my partners are looking for a boyfriend, not an animal who performs to whatever arbitrary criteria they establish. I can and do enjoy sex without an orgasm. I think you're making a mistake to think that that is the main point of intercourse. And I think you're making a mistake to make this all about you and your insecurities.
Seamless74 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 dude seriously many women take it personal if you dont cum... and think its their fault.. Its crazy its like they think the relative size of your ejaculate on their stomach or back or whatever has a direct relationship on how hot or how good the sex with them is... its crazy you can actually sense their disappointment if you dont jizz a truckload all over um... kinda cute actually but overall not always a good indicator of either their inherent sexiness or your feelings for um..
Feelin Frisky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 ...And I thought I was the only one dealing with this sh*t. I am totally into my bf, I am good-looking, I have the "traits" he desires in a woman, I accept his porn with no b!tching whatsover, I will have him any time he wants and I initiate too, I get down and dirty with him, ..... but he still whacks off and screws up our intimacy. He generally needs 2 days in between MB and sex with be to have a good build-up. You think he can at least refrain from whacking off the nights before we are spending together? Nope. He turns on his porn, does his thing and then the next night we often have to incorporate his fetishes, which should be reserved for lesser occasions, or else he wont be able to have one. It's BS. That is totally ridiculous. You deserve better. Go and get a real man.
theodora Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't really care THAT much how often my bf comes, so long as he makes ME come !! Don't get me wrong, I love it when he does, and it's hot. But if he said to me baby I don't want to come today but don't worry I'm going to make you come three times...I'd be sweet. In fact...honestly I think I'd be impressed. All too often men are just about shooting their load as quick as possible, if you find a guy who'll have sex and NOT come...you've pretty much struck gold in my book! OR have I misunderstood. Is it that he actually won't engage in sexual activity because he's been jacking off previously? In which case I guess you just have to decide whether or not his sexual inadequacies are compensated for by the other qualities which you love about him. Personally, if I was you, I would get shot. It's one thing to wank to porn, but it's quite another to substitute your real life sex life for what is essentially nothing more than a really really badly made television programme. You know what is most weird about your situation is really that your boyfriend ADMITS it. I bet loads of men don't shag their girlfriends for the exact same reason, but just pretend it's because they've got bellyache or something. So at least your man is honest? Is that a silver lining?
Romance Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Sometimes I think my boyfriend just likes to masturbate because it's less work hahahah! But I honestly don't care if he does it or not, however if he NEVER wanted to have sex with me..I think we'd need to reevaluate our relationship.
theodora Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 He can't cum at all, if he has mastubated within 48hrs of sex. Not once, not at all. What is the point of having sex with a guy who isn't going to cum? It's the ultimate proof he enjoyed himself. Not to mention gives me an esteem boost, and thus leads to me wanting to have sex more often. sorry I just re-read your post to clarify and it does seem like it's the Come thing. "What is the point of having sex with a guy who isn't going to come?" Your own orgasm. Your own pleasure. You. Enjoying. Yourself. Contrary to what the porn films tell you, the best thing about sex for women isn't just about getting spunk in your eye. Maybe you just haven't had good sex yet. Because if you had, you honestly wouldn't give two hoots about when he last came, how he last came, or when he was going to come again.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 ....Maybe you just haven't had good sex yet. Because if you had, you honestly wouldn't give two hoots about when he last came, how he last came, or when he was going to come again. Oh cum on, that's going a bit too far. It's effed up when men think that about women--"I don't give two craps if she comes as long as I get mine" so the reversed is just as bad.
EasyHeart Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Contrary to what the porn films tell you, the best thing about sex for women isn't just about getting spunk in your eye.Really? Now you tell me! WHO KNEW???
ComeUndone Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 So this is all about YOU? Sex is about emotional intimacy, not achieving an orgasm. If it were, I would probably choose masturbation over intercourse, because I can (frankly) give myself a better orgasm than any woman can. What I can't give myself is intimacy and closeness. When I read your posts, I assumed you were saying that he can't achieve an erection if he masturbates and he refuses to have sex with you, not that he has trouble achieving an orgasm. Does he have sex with you? Does he complain that he doesn't orgasm? As men get older, it's normal for them to take longer to orgasm and to have a much longer period of time to recover. The number of times a man ejaculates is a function of his body, not his partner's desirability. When I was 18 I could come 4 times in a row and it only took my a few minutes to orgasm (often to the disappointment of my partner!). Once a night is my limit now, and it takes a long time before I come (usually to the delight of my partner!) I could not give my partner "shorter sex, multiple times" no matter if this was her preference. Fortunately for me, my partners are looking for a boyfriend, not an animal who performs to whatever arbitrary criteria they establish. I can and do enjoy sex without an orgasm. I think you're making a mistake to think that that is the main point of intercourse. And I think you're making a mistake to make this all about you and your insecurities. No it's not all about her, but it shouldn't be all about him either. Speaking about his inability to orgasm, can you not see how this is frustrating from a woman's standpoint? No, it's not all about reaching orgasm, but it's a good part of it. When he takes that potential away by jacking off, how is she not supposed to conclude that masturbating is simply more important? He honestly can't refrain, at least when he knows they'll be spending some time together? I feel for her... it sucks to be on the receiving end. Sex is supposed to be mutually satisfying, mutually. The fact that she wants him to have an orgasm too isn't selfish on her part. Sure it makes HER feel good when he's had one because she then knows how turned on he was, but the same applies to him. He wouldn't like it if he couldn't bring her to orgasm. With our partner not being able to cum, we feel like we aren't good enough. Sure there are times when he won't have one... that's normal, but it's not 'the norm'.
ComeUndone Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 That is totally ridiculous. You deserve better. Go and get a real man. This could potentially be a deal-killer. I know from past experience that no woman will get between a man and his porn... if he wants it bad enough he'll just sneak it and lie about it, so there's almost no point in talking to him about this. It really sucks - I'm not even a woman that ever tries to control his porn use, but damn... at what point do I have some say? Now, I would imagine. But like I said... if he wants it, I'm not stopping him. He doesn't need a mommy to tell him he's not making the best decisions... if he can't see how this is impacting our sex life, or if can see it but chooses to do nothing about it, then perhaps I have some re-evaluating to do. Oh and FWIW we have discussed this. Our sex life improved, but now we are in a lull again. We go through phases. I realize people need reminders sometimes... I know that not every issue brought into the open will be resolved at the first discussion, but seriously: is this really a subject we should have to keep revisiting? Men? I feel like he is pushing the boundaries at this point... he obviously knows it's an issue as he's the one pumping away and getting nowhere, but hey: since I haven't said anything yet he'll continue to jack-off and struggle through sex until I speak up again. How f*cked up is that?
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