calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 im sorry but i cant stop thinking about my ex bf..i cant believe its over!!! i dont want it to be over!!! i love him and i dont want to be with anyone else!!! 3 years with him, and now hes gone..how can i get used to being without him when im so used to being with him!?? he broke up with me and i saw him today..but he was certaint hat we were through...i couldnt control it and i just began crying..then when he went to his room while i was crying in the bathroom, i just left his house..cos i couldnt even say goodbye..cos i didnt wanna say goodbye!!! he then saw me leaving when i was downstairs already and he just called my name...i didnt wanna turn it around..but i couldnt and i did...and he just asked me "youre leaving?" and i just said "yes" and kept walking.. and here i am missing him so much!!!!!!!!! and i know its OVEr and i know that we wont get back together yet i really REALLY love him and i honestly felt like he was the one for me, and even though we had our differences i think that we really connected and that we were meant..but i guess this was all my imagination that i created... i dunno...its going to take me A LONG time to feel okay.. i miss him and i think and feel that i will always love him, part of me just belongs to him, and when i look at myself it makes me think of him, cos i see it in my eyes how much i love him and it tears me apart that he will never tell me that he cares for me or i will never feel him hold me and make love to me... ughhhhhhhhh i just need to FOCUS and think Positive but how when my mind is clouded and my heart feels like its been crushed into a million pieces and everytime i think it just seems to hurt and hurt !! i m I S S hI M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hurtingandconfused Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 You mentioned that you loved your now ex a lot. But do you love yourself? Who knows maybe in the future you will meet up. But for now focus on yourself and make yourself happy. Let it all out, but know that this experience will shape you. Hang in there. The first week is extremely painful. But we all live through it and so can you! As they all say...give it some time and time will tell.
UCFKevin Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 Why miss him? You'll be back together in a day or two.
Author calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Author Posted March 19, 2004 this time we wont be back..he made it clear that this time it wasnt goign to be like toher times when we broke up..and this time he didnt even want to hug me...this time its not a joke..not that it ever was...but other times i kinda still felt like we would work it out.. this time we wont:( i even changed my cell # so if he tries to contact me which i doubt it..he wont be able to.. ugh....i love him alot and i miss him alot...and i really dont wanna be with anyone else thats why i wont do the rebound thing but instead focus on me and my family and friends..... he was different this time when he broke up and i know it was serios..plus i know he had been contemplating for a long time..i know it wasnt a all of a sudden reaction..we hadnt been as great as before and he hadnt said he loved me for like 2 months or more...ugh:(.... this sux but... i dunno its my 2nd being single..and it feels way longer then that..like every second feels like an hour!
look forward Posted March 19, 2004 Posted March 19, 2004 calithin83 i am really sorry for your pain sweetheart.. its so hard at the beginning but you will get through it I promise you.. Just take it one day at a time.. try and busy yourself with things, cry do whatever you need to do in time you will start to feel like yourself again... Maybe one day your paths will cross and you will be back together maybe you wont..but you will be happy again have faith in that.. use this time to heal.. Good luck sweety XX
Author calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Author Posted March 19, 2004 thank you! actually i just wrote my sis telling her whathappened this mornign and ill tell u guys.. last night i dram about my ex..even though i always do..even when we were together...but anyways we were kissing in the dream like before when we were bf and sis.. anyways when i woke up..i was in bed because i didnt wanna get up....i wanted to just sleep as much as i can to not think..but then i was like "noo...i have to be strong"..and as i was laying down i put both my hands in my head and told God this "God please that today u either fade away my thoughts about Illan or decrease them please, help me think positive"..then I put my hand in my heart and told God "Please help my heart feel okay, that it doesnt ache so much for him..please God".....then I said "God that this day i feel better then yesterday cos im a day closer to getting over him"...then i got up...and i went online.... i came here..and then i went on my AIM and saw my ex was online...and i checked his profile and he still had "I+J"...this got me happy but ught...then i signed off after that cos i didnt want to be online cos he was online...so i signed off..and now im here..i gotta admit i still feel off but i feel strong Cos i feel that God is by my side...i know that its those UP and Down monments, and maybe in an hour ill feell like crying..but so far i havent cried today well its 12:05 pm..but ill keep u updated towards my day...the hardest thing will be on Tues and Thurs cos i have class with him:(...and those r the times that i really gotta remian strong!!! But im trying to think about myself, friends family and of course JESUS CHRIST...but of course coming in this forum helps so much and when i hear all the things all of u say..it makes me feel like i got a lot of people on my back who are strangers but so kind enoough to help! and i thank u guys so much for taking the time to read all this and actually care enough to reply!!!
mj931 Posted March 20, 2004 Posted March 20, 2004 Damn ya, My Immortal really hits home. Along with "One Last Cry", "Anytime", and "Someday, Someway, Somehow" by Brian Mcknight.
from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Posted March 20, 2004 you want painful break up songs, listen to Type O Negative, that always turns my hurt into hate
Author calithin83 Posted March 20, 2004 Author Posted March 20, 2004 well its my 3rd day with no contact...i changed my cell phone number which he cant call...and i no longer go on my AIM s/n....i miss him and love him but im not depressed or really down..i kinda guess either im repressing it, or have accepted it, or Jesus Christ is really giving me alot of strength!! i will always love my ex though...i will not hate him..i will just accept that some people change and i cant do anything about it..i know he loved me at one point and for some reason sometimes i feel like he still does but i dunnno..ugh..anyways..im going to go out with my friend today...... and imma see my ex on Tues/Thurs in class...eek..that will be odd...but imma try not to look at him cos i dont wanna go a step backwards.... so far im 3 steps up thise big ladder...cos its been 3 days and im taking it day by day and i think that with each day i will feel stronger!!!!
Tony T Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 All posts containing copyrighted lyrics have been removed from this thread. Please do not post anymore copyrighted material here. Many thanks for your cooperation. Tony LoveShack Moderator
jenny Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 cali, you are spending so much font on this guy; i know you have to heal, but this is bordering on unhealthy. can you start deciding to spend one post a day helping someone else - it might help distract you and slowly get the focus off the guy.
Mjfru Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 hey, I know what you must be going through. I have been with my gf for 2.5 yrs and she is my everything. We have broken up a few times and it hurts me really bad too. But then we manage to get back together within time. But just remember if he really loves you, then you guys will get back together, but if he doesn't then it may be for the best and you may find someone better. I feel like me and my gf are having really bad problems right now too so I will give you the same advice that I am going to give myself, just keep your head up and hopefully you and I can work our way through our problems.
Author calithin83 Posted March 21, 2004 Author Posted March 21, 2004 gosh it sux..today i tried to have a good day..i went to hollywood with my friends but i wasnt happy...everytime i saw couples i felt sad and jealous..and hollywood just reminded me so much of him cos we used to walk there..i got to a point where i wanted to cry so bad!....ugh..its just hard...3 days i ahvent talked to him but it feels like this will be forever and that my heart will forever love him far or close..... i coudnt help it and i blocked my number and called his cell....but he didnt pick up....so which was good i guess even though i wasnt gonna sya anything if he picked up...ugh!! he still has I+J in his profile..why?? did he forget to remove it? or does he still care?? im scared tlo go to school cos im scared when i see him on tues and thurs..im scared of him not talking to me, yet scared of him talking to me...i miss him yet i dont want to!! i feel like he doesnt deserve me cos if he did he wouldnt put me through this again.... I love him so much!!! 3 years and 3 months with this boy...gosh..and i really was planning for more..sometimes i wish he was just more mature..or soething...ugh
jenny Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 ok - it's likely your guy does not think like you. why didn't he change his profile? he. doesn't. care. he doesn't even care enough to methodically remove your name from his life. don't hurt yourself thinking he is ambivalent. he doesn't want to be with you. that's it. i'm sorry to be straight-up; but don't sink into delusional. pull yourself up, look your situation in the eye, and know it is over. start focusing on others, on *real* christian works, until you can face yourself again. i loved your poem about your mom and dad. this guy hurt you -your obsessiveness is now hurting those who love you.
Author calithin83 Posted March 21, 2004 Author Posted March 21, 2004 he didnt change his profile cos he doesnt care??? but thats weird..wouldnt u think that he would erase it???? or is he just leaving it there on purpose...or has forgotten about it?? its just weird cos it gives me mixed signals..ugh but then again he hasnt tried contacing me...but i guess whats important is for me to tryt o move on...well thats hard!!! today is 4th day with no contact and its barely 10:39am...he is the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing i think about when i fall asleep..and i thnk about him the whole day!! ugh...today im going to go to the library and study...which is boring but good for me....i still feel sad and off..and lazy to even do anything.... i miss him and im starting to feel foolish....imma clean my room now actually and just listen to some inspiring music or whatever.... how can he do this???? i swear not to be concieted or anything but i was a good gf who really loved him and did my best to make him happy..i guess he doesnt realize it cos he never has had a mean gf to take advantage of him...one day he'll see!!! this sux though....and im scared of going to school...we always used to meet up after my classes on Mondays and whatever but not no more..but either way imma see him on Tues and Thurs..and i still am scared of the whole thing...im not ready to see him cos i feel like imma beback in square one!!!
moimeme Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 This is a great book/site: http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm
Author calithin83 Posted March 21, 2004 Author Posted March 21, 2004 thanxz but ive tried 3 books already and it just makes me think more about him..so rather focus on other stuff
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