bslchump Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I was doing really well for a while. I went home for break and my thinking was much more clear and I didn't miss her as much as I thought I would. Since break ended and we've been living together (explained in my previous thread that I'm working on moving out but I have some contractual obligations to fulfill before I can leave) I've reverted to a panicky, jealous mess. I always want to ask her who she's talking to and what she's doing. I haven't though and whenever I feel overly upset I just confine myself in a separate room or I leave. We've been getting along extremely well (no fights or anything and conversation has been very pleasant), and I don't know if that's good or bad. Every time I see her she looks so happy and carefree and I feel like my stomach is constantly knotted up. I don't understand and the frustration is really messing with me. Another thing that is intensely frustrating is how attracted I am to her still. She is definitely not the most attractive girl in the world, but I have a hard time thinking of anyone else sexually. This just adds to my ridiculous jealousy when she talks to her prospective new man. A lot of it has to do with me being really lonely now while she always has this guy to chat to. I've caught myself starting to make plans to do something with her (watch a movie, cook, go out) and when I realize what I'm doing it hurts. I'm also fighting the absolute intense urge to look through her computer/phone/etc. I've stopped myself every time because A) it's a really stupid, invasive thing to do and B) I would just feel awful afterwards, no matter what I saw. For some reason knowing this doesn't stop the gnawing suspicion I feel when I have the opportunity. Everything has just been so roller-coaster recently. Sometimes I'm totally content if she talks to me and then the next second I realize who she's BEEN talking to and my mood shifts just as fast. It's exhausting. I'd love to see how she feels on a day-to-day basis to know if she feels bad or if she just doesn't give a damn. I know I shouldn't want to, but I do.
january2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Just because you still have some contractual obligations, doesn't mean that you have to be there when she's around. As you experienced over the break, you were starting to do alright when you weren't in the same space as your ex. Why not arrange to be 'away' as much as possible? Spend more time with friends, take long walks, jog, go to the gym, take an evening class or two. Do something/anything so that you're not having to sit there watching and listening as her gets on with her life.
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