iswifecheating Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hi there, Currently going stir crazy of the suspision my wife has or is having a relationship with my neighbour. Below are my possibly paranoid reasons, let me know what you think 1) Moved in about 5 yrs ago, his wife had left and he was out of work so came around for tea and things with the wife why i was out (put it down to new neighbours etc) 2) The wife had a friend over and went out for a meal and conveniently next door and his mate were also there and they didn't get home until 12.30pm when the pub usually shuts at 11pm but they do extend hours 3) Next door has GF and had a baby, when he came around after we had found out the GF was pregnant the wife failed to say congratulations as she said he was stood their waiting to gloat about it ? 4) She gets seriously annoyed when he cuts the hedge and grass out the front, and even said I am pathetic for not stopping him !! (Leave him to do it I am not bothered) 5) I went out with the kids and wife was home in the bath when we left, the door went within 2 mins of us leaving so she thought it was us but didn't see the car. She went to upstairs window the towel on and said next door was walking back around. Did she tell me this in case someone mentioned they had seen him leave the house. The next day I saw him and he didn't mention he had called around and there was no answer ? Strange The mother in law was also suspicious of this and said she agreed with me that it was strange 6) When he met new Gf she said she felt sorry for her as he had got her claws into her and " I was lucky she hadn't fallen for it" she then changed that sentence when I challanged it 7) Stood talking she made a joke and did a flirty nudge into his arm, she then said she was waiting for me to take her to the shops. The neighbour said oh I have got to go to the shops and he could take her, she just starred at me as to say you need to take me. (As if he actually needed to go to the shops !) Maybe a few other points, I am a total idiot for not challenging her or am i paranoid. Answers on a post card !!!
jnj express Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 It sounds like you need to confront her, and put in some boundaries------with a next door neighbor, its gonna be very hard to moniter You need to make her go NC, tho again, with a next door neighbor, this whole situation becomes very hard to handle You might just become really hard about the whole situation, and tell her straight out---if there is any more contact--divorce is on the table Also it sounds like you and your wife need much more communication/contact/counseling
wuggle Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Gut feeling from what you have posted above is that you wife 'wants' a relationship with this guy but he is playing hard to get or isn't completely happy with you and is wanting to make you jealous.Suggest you just sit down like 2 adults and talk about it, just ask her.
Fight4Me Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Some of what you describe is too vague to tip the scales in any particular direction, but along the lines of what Wuggle said, it sounds like she wants his attentions. Is she in full-blown cheating mode? Really hard to say without more information and maybe some indication of what your gut is telling you. Is she crossing boundaries and acting inappropriately at times? That's a yes. How is the state of your marriage? Do you communicate, have a close bond, etc., or is there a distancing happening for whatever reason. I would definitely suggest marriage counseling as you could be in a unique position to prevent infidelity if that's the directions in which you see her going. Good luck, and welcome to LS.
LAO Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Imo, it is a bit vague. From what you're telling us, it doesn't necessarily seem like she's cheating - maybe flirting. My neighbour comes round ALL the time, EVERYDAY. Sometimes he comes over when my husbands not home, and we have a little chat. I would never, ever, ever cheat on my hubby though. Me and my naighbour banter back and forth all the time, but I see him more as a friend than anything. If you think your wife would honestly do something like cheat on you, confront her. The best thing to do is go with the gut.
Bryanp Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I am curious LAO. Would you have any problem if you were working and your husband stayed at home while your next door attractive female neighbor came bye everyday to just talk with your husband in your home while you are gone?
LAO Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Depends on the situation. Though, probably not. My husband doesn't care. If he did, I would have ceased contact, but seeing as this neighbor is also his friend and married, he doesn't. The guys wife comes over when I'm not home, no big deal. They bump rides together. I don't care. They're friends.
anne1707 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I was talking with my H (Wuggle who has already posted on this thread) about a possible different interpretation - that the neighbour has tried to make a pass at her which she refused and that now makes her feel uncomfortable when he's around.... 1) Moved in about 5 yrs ago, his wife had left and he was out of work so came around for tea and things with the wife why i was out (put it down to new neighbours etc) Could be just as you say, being neighbourly. It also could be that he was interested in your wife hence kept finding excuses to call by. Your wife at this stage could be just being friendly and thinking nothing of it other than helping a friend in a bad way 2) The wife had a friend over and went out for a meal and conveniently next door and his mate were also there and they didn't get home until 12.30pm when the pub usually shuts at 11pm but they do extend hours Again you have a possible explanation of this and as it sounds like a one off in five years, not exactly proof of an affair 3) Next door has GF and had a baby, when he came around after we had found out the GF was pregnant the wife failed to say congratulations as she said he was stood their waiting to gloat about it ? OK - this is where I started becoming suspicious. If he has just tried making a move on your wife and he then announces his girlfriend is pregnant, then she may well feel as if he is gloating - "look at me, the stud" - especially when all she is thinking is that he is a lying scumbag who tried to get into her knickers the week before. 4) She gets seriously annoyed when he cuts the hedge and grass out the front, and even said I am pathetic for not stopping him !! (Leave him to do it I am not bothered) She does not want him near your home, she is almost being territorial, she wants you to stand up to him - again could be explained by her not wanting this man near her 5) I went out with the kids and wife was home in the bath when we left, the door went within 2 mins of us leaving so she thought it was us but didn't see the car. She went to upstairs window the towel on and said next door was walking back around. Did she tell me this in case someone mentioned they had seen him leave the house. The next day I saw him and he didn't mention he had called around and there was no answer ? Strange The mother in law was also suspicious of this and said she agreed with me that it was strange I'm sorry but I don't quite understand this why this is so significant. I have done the same thing myself all quite innocently. Plus it was only a couple of minutes after you had left so what on earth could have happened in that timescale if she thought she had to tell you in case someone mentioned it to you. Plus if he had tried calling and was after your wife, he would not tell you about it. 6) When he met new Gf she said she felt sorry for her as he had got her claws into her and " I was lucky she hadn't fallen for it" she then changed that sentence when I challanged it If she sees him as a cheater and she is not then she would feel sorry for the new girlfriend. Plus her comment could be interpreted as he had tried to make a move on her which she refused. 7) Stood talking she made a joke and did a flirty nudge into his arm, she then said she was waiting for me to take her to the shops. The neighbour said oh I have got to go to the shops and he could take her, she just starred at me as to say you need to take me. (As if he actually needed to go to the shops !) OK - the arm touching does not quite stack up if she wants to avoid this man. However she wanted to avoid spending time with him and was looking to you to help her. I am not saying I am right but I wanted to point out that some of what you have said could be interpreted differently with your wife being faithful and the neighbour pushing his luck. However I also believe that if that is the case, she should have told you. Again as other posters have said, there does seem to be a communication issue between you and your wife which you both need to address.
fishlessbicycle Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I don't think you're paranoid at all. How long have you been married? 5-7 years I take it? She doesn't seem to have much respect for you if she can call you "pathetic" simply for allowing him to cut the grass out front. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but it also seems rather odd that she would be staying out late when her husband and kids are at home. IMO it also doesn't bode well that she wouldn't congratulate the neighbor upon hearing the news of a pregnancy, and is openly flirtatious with him in front of you. She doesn't mind being taken shopping by you, but the one who gets the flirty nudge is the neighbour? WTF I'm sorry to say it man, but I think something's been going on.
NoLongerSad Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Unfortunately, it sounds like your wife started the affair with the neighbor five years ago when he started coming around for "tea" while you were out. Now maybe your wife is jealous that he has a new woman, and is trying to cause trouble between you and him. She probably still gives him the odd screw now and again too. I think you should get divorced.
NoLongerSad Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I don't think you're paranoid at all. How long have you been married? 5-7 years I take it? She doesn't seem to have much respect for you if she can call you "pathetic" simply for allowing him to cut the grass out front. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but it also seems rather odd that she would be staying out late when her husband and kids are at home. IMO it also doesn't bode well that she wouldn't congratulate the neighbor upon hearing the news of a pregnancy, and is openly flirtatious with him in front of you. She doesn't mind being taken shopping by you, but the one who gets the flirty nudge is the neighbour? WTF I'm sorry to say it man, but I think something's been going on. It's very strange, but it seems like a LOT of English women who post here, or who are described by others who post here, are very openly domineering, controlling, disrespectful, and dismissive of their partners. Just like "Rumpole of the Bailey's" wife--"She Who Must Be Obeyed." It's something in the national character.
wuggle Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 It's very strange, but it seems like a LOT of English women who post here, or who are described by others who post here, are very openly domineering, controlling, disrespectful, and dismissive of their partners. Just like "Rumpole of the Bailey's" wife--"She Who Must Be Obeyed." It's something in the national character. The only equal of an Englishman is an Englishwoman, Couldn't imagine living with a doormat :laugh:
NoLongerSad Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The only equal of an Englishman is an Englishwoman, Couldn't imagine living with a doormat :laugh: Yeah I know wuggle. You're livin' the dream, aren't you?
wuggle Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Yeah I know wuggle. You're livin' the dream, aren't you? You're funny :laugh:
NoLongerSad Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 You're funny :laugh: Well to tell you the truth...what I'm really curious about...'cause I've heard a lot of Englishmen have this "preference"--do you get the "spankie-spankie"/sexual discipline stuff, too?
wuggle Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Well to tell you the truth...what I'm really curious about...'cause I've heard a lot of Englishmen have this "preference"--do you get the "spankie-spankie"/sexual discipline stuff, too? Silly little man, isn't it past your bed-time now ?
hopesndreams Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Unfortunately, it sounds like your wife started the affair with the neighbor five years ago when he started coming around for "tea" while you were out. Now maybe your wife is jealous that he has a new woman, and is trying to cause trouble between you and him. She probably still gives him the odd screw now and again too. I think you should get divorced. I agree with this. Sorry.
NoLongerSad Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Silly little man, isn't it past your bed-time now ? Using phrases like "silly little man" is one of the reasons I was previously confused as to whether or not you/your spouse may have actually been a sock puppet or doppel. This is a phrase most likely to be used by a woman trying to put down a man rather than a man trying to put down a man; or alternatively, it's used by a man when they are trying to be camp or fey, like John Cleese in a "Monty Python" sketch. So, I still have my doubts. It would be easy enough for you to jump back and forth on each other's accounts, too.
NoLongerSad Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Oh and I notice you didn't answer the question. I will wait while you ask for permission.
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