jaypok Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) We went out 15 months first half in the same city, second half long distance. We were madly in love, but fought in the last few months about issues such as about her not making time in the relationship. We both fell out of love, had a pretty nasty breakup, and I refused her offer to be friends. I went into no contact few weeks ago, but texted her to see if she'd be interested in meeting up for coffee as I was going to be passing by her area in visiting friends. She responded by agreeing to the meeting. What should I do during this meeting? Just be friendly, and chit chat? Make some sort of sudden move knowing that this might be the last time I might see her for a really long time given that I end up in her city few times a year, unless I'm visiting her. We both had made plans to be in the same city, but broke up before we could execute on that plan. I already know why we broke up, and have begun to work on fixing myself, and making myself a stronger person, but I really think that we could make this relationship work if we come to an agreement and under different circumstances. I know I can't change her feelings. What is the best strategy for this meeting? Should I call her a week or two after to arrange another one down the line if she doesn't suggest a followup meeting but if the meeting goes well? Should I try to kiss her at the end of the meeting if things go well? I realized that distance makes everything harder, but I guess I need some advice on how to approach her so I don't push her away from me anymore than I have. Edited January 8, 2011 by jaypok
remy1981 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hey, I noticed one thing on here a lot of stories sound similar. I would suggest think about when you guys first met and the reasons why she fell in love with you in the first place. Act similar to the way you did than she seen something in you and fell in love. Act is if everything in your life is amazing no matter how much your dying to tell you you still love her and miss her. Don't tell her anything of such. I suggest not even thinking about the future or calling her after, she may just want to see how your doing etc. If she's still interested in you she will contact you. Don't Kiss her, show her your a changed man and you don't need her. Sounds pretty easy and I know it's tough. I also suggest mentally preparing yourself so you don't do anything you regret, imagine in your head things your going to say and how your going to act. Good luck Hope this helps check out my post, We sound like similar cases.
pandagirl Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I was in a similar-ish situation, meaning I was in a LDR with future plans to live in the same city, but broke up before that happened. I wouldn't try to get back together while you're still living in different cities.
Author jaypok Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 So I'm going to follow the first posters advice, and just remain cool and alpha male it without sharing my feelings or the like and expect nothing out of this meeting. Obviously I'm going to have to fool myself into believing this as well if I have any shot in making things work. Otherwise she'll call my bluff. As for the waiting to be in the same city part. I agree on paper it's the most logical thing to do, but that wouldn't happen until 7 months from now, and given that we are broken up, there is a chance that this scenario is less likely to happen. One of the big reasons we would end up in the same city is because of being in a relationship together. I think after 7 months of no contact it becomes exponentially harder to get back into a relationship with a person. Moreover, by that time the bond we had would have been significantly weakened, and there is no guarantees that she'll be there ready to give things another try.
aerogurl87 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Yeah definitely try to go with no expectations and just be yourself. I don't advise you pretend to be an "alpha male" if that's not your personality though. Just see what happens.
NG85 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Try and be as confident as possible. Show her you're happy, even though you it may be killing you to see her again. If you've changed anything about yourself, make sure you're able to show her - If it's physical, put it on display; if it's personality-wise, act thusly. It's more beneficial to show some kind of change, like you're a new person. Your ex may not necessarily want to date you as you were when you broke up. As far as being physical, give her a hug when you see her. If things go well, give her a kiss on the cheek when you leave. Nothing more than that, though. Humans want what they can't have. By showing her you're doing fine without her, and by denying her physical or emotional affection, you're creating a sense of loss within her which will make her want you more. If you've worked to improve yourself mentally, physically, and personality-wise to become a better person, then this will also make you more desirable. Things like losing weight, working out, getting a new haircut or nicer clothes all make you more physically attractive and she will perceive you as being "new and improved".
Author jaypok Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 I guess the reason why I'm hesitant in my actions is that I live a 5 hour drive away from her, so it's not like I have the opportunity to meet up with her whenever I can. I'm going to try and treat it as it were just a regular breakup, be calm and collected, and see where it goes. My problem is this, say the meeting goes really well. How do I even go about scheduling another meeting? Or how does she even go about it even if she wants to slowly restart the relationship? I'm assuming this is going to be slow and steady process, and I don't quite know how you can quite fall back in love with someone on the phone. I mean it's really hard to restart dating someone long distance just time and money wise. How do I go about pushing for face to face time without officially being together and not needy and desperate? Do you think that if things go well, she would push for a visit? That's my general problem. I feel like I'd be able to pull this off if she lived in the same city, but the hassle of distance just might be too much.
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