"The Pedestal Effect" The REAL cause of G.I.G.S. and what you can do to fix it.

[bslchump]

You have some awesome, uplifting advice, suddendumpee.

 

She and I were high-school sweethearts so I've been out of the dating scene for quite some time. I doubt I'll be going to clubs/bars or anything to pick up women, but I'll ask my friends if they know anyone I could meet. I won't push her away because of my ex, that would allow her FAR too much control over my life.

[D78]

... is when you don't "play like," or "treat her like," or any of the other games suggested in this thread.

 

My ex was out of my league. I called him up one night and suggested we hang out. What did I have to lose? I didn't have him, so if he rejected me I still would be in the same place... He returned my call. We were together 11 years.

 

Once you reach a level of intimacy with someone, you are no longer "in leagues." This is superficial, BS thinking. There's no need to rank a person on a scale of 1-10. If you rank yourself, it is usually either way too high or way too low.

 

If you can look past all of the "league" and "level" BS, you might realize you could have something special with that person. Next thing you know, he or she is pitching a no-hitter for your team.

 

And, you can't hold back your feelings. Lack of communication = 100% failure rate (look at me, ranking things...haha).

 

There were several times that he told me things I did that bothered him. I know it was hard for him to open up, because it was hard for me to open up to him when he did things that bothered me. The end result was always good...

 

...until it wasn't. And one day he decided he didn't want to talk to me about what he was feeling. Was this because I was out of his league? F no. I will never know the reasons, but i guarantee it wasn't because he all the sudden decided he couldn't stoop to my level. If you shared ANY intimacy with your partner, just stop thinking about what league you're in. It will only annoy your partner.

 

If you put someone on a pedestal, then you never really saw that person for who he or she is. I have dated 2 guys like this. Being put on a pedestal really bothered me, maybe because it's impossible to live up to someone's over-inflated views of you when you know you are flawed just like everyone else. It's not real love, even though it feels like it. Pedestal occupiers are forced to leave, even if they feel true love, because they know their partners' love is based on some imaginary view of them.

 

You can go NC because you want to gain the strength to believe you are on the level of any person you approach (as a wise man once said, no matter how hot she is, I guarantee at home is a guy sick of dealing with her s**t), to grow as a person, to heal your wounds, etc. Or, you can go NC to treat the girl like crap, which is still devoting more attention to her than she deserves (and keeping her on that pedestal), and making yourself feel lower on the food scale.

 

Sorry for the rant. I'm trying to inject a chick's view, because I feel like real love doesn't involve all this game playing.

[WTRanger]

To expand on D78's point. There is no league, none. Not before dating, not during dating, not after dating. The only thing that matters is that I'm a man and she's a woman. Period.

 

Confidence is the great equalizer. No woman is going to want to date me if I wouldn't date myself.

[lovesparis]

I've missed the memo... what is G.I.G.S.?

[january2011]

^^^ Grass Is Greener Syndrome

 

There's a thread created by Homebrew:

 

"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

[lovesparis]

thank you for explaining!!