SophieJayne Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Here's the deal: I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years and we broke up several months ago. I hadn't even considered any other guys until me and this new guy (lets call him FM) started talking. We've known each other for a few years, we were just never too good of friends. He was friends with my now ex and I was friends with his now ex. But we started talking recently and realized that we had a ton in common and fell for each other. The problem? His ex. Straight up psycho. They dated on and off for about 4 years, and a couple of weeks ago he broke up with her because he's interested in me. Well, she's not having that. She tags him in everything she posts on face book (i.e. "Having a great time with FM today!") The crazy thing? She'll post stuff like that when they're not even hanging out... She's always trying to talk to me asking why he and I are hanging out and stuff like that. Now, FM is a super nice guy. He won't just completely cut her out of his life, that's understandable to me. But today I told him that I felt like I was being led on and wasting my time. He assured me that I wasn't, but I still don't know. What should I do? :/
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Now, FM is a super nice guy. He won't just completely cut her out of his life, that's understandable to me. him being super nice & voluntarily keeping his ex around are 2 separate issues. detatch them and you'll see that the on-off-on-off pattern between them is still very much in effect. bottom line, he won't cut her off 100% because she means more to him than you do. that's the crux of it OP, & you can't change this. you're asking for trouble if you pursue, IMO.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 oh yeah... the fact that you find the point I quoted above "understandable" speaks volumes. your willingness to tolerate being involved in a love triangle spells bad news. don't care what you two have in common. he knows she's pyscho & won't detach... you are cool with this? careful, my dear.
Hopeful30 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Ive been in the same situation. With the first guy, he had moved on, and didn't care about what his ex was doing. He never let it interfere in our relationship, and frankly, she only looked ridiculous. The second guy wasn't over his ex. They kept in touch and would text each other sweet nothings. I was very insecure in this relationship because he LET her interfere. It's all on him when it comes to this. Why would you think HE is leading you on when HE isn't doing anything? Like you said, it's all his ex. She WANTS you to be insecure and feel this way, that's her goal. Don't let her get to you. SHE isn't part of your relationship. Judge your man's actions, not hers. Eventually, if your man sees that she is being very disrespectful, he may tell her off. This might not work, but at least he is defending you. If it gets to the point where he doesn't care how it affects you (if it gets serious) then dump him. For now, don't let it bother you, because that's exactly what she wants.
Author SophieJayne Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Thank you very much for the advice! I feel I should clear somethings up: While she's posting these things, he's telling her to stop and that she's not helping her case any. Its not like he's just saying "Oh, she's fine."
Author SophieJayne Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Also, she has bad mouthed me to him and he took up for me.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 to delete a FB friend takes less than 1 minute. actions speak louder than words, OP, remember? if he really didn't want her harassing you (or him) through his FB, than he'd simply remove her. remember... she's psycho. everybody knows it; even him. so trying to reason with her is simply kabuki theater. he likes this drama. can't you see that?
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) good point :/ been there, done that. it's beyond ego gratifying having more than one woman that wants you. very flattering stuff; but people get hurt. I know this is ego driven because he's allowing the madness to take place in a pretty public place -- FB. his friends are watching, & he's allowing them to see it all. sooner or later, you have to come to terms with what it is you really want, and if that's feasible. if so, cool; if not, that's cool too -- there's other people out there. Edited January 8, 2011 by ConflictedGuy27
Recommended Posts