tere.natsu Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Hi there, it is an extremely sad night and I felt the need to share and as for advice. You don't know me as this is the my first time posting here,so i'll introduce my situation: I've met my bf while studying abroad 5 years ago,and we've been together ever since. We were both foreign students, after one year I came back, he stayed, then I went back again for one more year and came back again and it's been two years. Last year I've met his family and he's met my mother ( I only have mother, living with me, and one younger sister who is living abroad) We've been talking about a future together, getting married and such,but he's been asking me to wait for at least one more year .And I'm not sure whether I can handle the wait again. My mom is elderly and not well, so I take care of her and the house. I also study and work full time. Definitely I need a hand as I don t feel like I can handle it all alone and I thought that I could rely on my boyfriend in such a tough situation.I have been dreaming about him deciding to leave whatever it is he's doing abroad just to lend me a hand, to come stay with me and support me. I know it's selfish, but when today I told him I had found a simple job for him to do here, I thought that all the reasons ( language and money and fear to become dependant on me) that had been keeping him from moving here were solved. It wasn't so,and he said the job isn t suitable for him and he won't accept it. As he said so I was at work while my mother was in bed with fever at home, and the rosey image of my manly prince who would rescue me from distress shattered. I felt so discouraged that I started growing doubt and fears about our relationship. I feel like he has no valid reason to keep staying where he is, and he's just avoiding me. In fact, he works part time abroad and sends money to his family, so why can't he work from my country ?( ok, he lives and works in Japan, his family is in sri lanka and I am in Italy ) If he is afraid of different language and culture, well he moved abroad once alone, so why not twice and this time with my support? Why do I feel that I am not important to him? Why do I feel that he chooses the comfort of his current life instead of a new life with me? Why do I feel upset when he tells me " there are still things I want to do by myself"? Is it wrong for me to feel that he isn t there for me when I most need him? Should I just stop relying on him altogether and deal with my problems by myself? PLease help me because I am not able to tell wrong from right and good from bad anymore.
folieadeux Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 This is one of the hardest parts of an LDR...not being able to physically be there for each other all the time when it's really needed the most. Unfortunately, no matter how much you ask him, it seems like your boyfriend is intent on waiting out the year before a move is made. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't that long of a wait, especially because you've been together for five years already. But I know it can feel like forever now because you really need his support. I'm not sure what else can be done on your part...seems as if he's already made it clear he wants to finish whatever he has going on in his country right now before anything else. I don't know if this is a possibility, but is there any way he can at least visit you? If he's willing and able to put in a few visits during the year, I'm sure that would make you feel a bit better about things all around.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 where does he live in japan and i will hunt him down LOL! kidding aside, hunny, you should stop thinking that you're in a relationship to be "rescued" from distress. the way you worded it, it seems like you only wanted him to "support" you. plus what is one more year of waiting? unless he does not have a solid plan, then forget about it.
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