livelife Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 So i've been through A LOT with my ex, if you guys want read my threads or if you have read it then you have known what happened. (Too long to type up again) Anyways, I was thinking about it and since we broke up ( Last March officially, NC in June) he has been asking to be friends a lot. And today I was wondering, well what happens if you do become friends? I have no hope of getting back together, but I want to hear some stories of what happened when you became friends with your ex. Did you two get feelings again? Did you rekindle? Or did it end in a disaster?
Akumark Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 After about 7 months LC with my ex we started to see each other as friends sometimes, that breakup was clean and clear. We've been together 11 years and even if we changed we still have a lot in common and can have fun like two good friends. It leaded to sex a couple of times but as in your situation I don't want to go back in a relationship with her and didn't have feelings of love for her after that. We don't see each other as much as we see our close friends, maybe once every 2-3 weeks.
C'est La Vie Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I am friends with the majority of my ex boyfriends. In fact, I am going to see one of them for dinner tonight. We dated for about two years, broke up March 2009. He was the dumper in the situation, but it took about two months of LC before he was comfortable hanging out with me again. Do I see a possibility of us being together again? Uhh... Anything is possible. Do I want to be with him again? Not really. When we broke up, I was devastated; I thought no other man could compared. However, I have realized that he is a fantastic friend who gave me wonderful memories, nothing more.
2010_Sorry Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I think it works ONLY IF you do NOT have hopes of reconciliation. If you truly only want to be friends, then it is very healthy... however if you (or even he) are wanting to get back together and the other doesn't want to, it could be extremely painful.
makelemonade1974 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I have a couple of exes that I'm friends with, that's why the utter silence from the current ex is freaking me out so much. One of my exes has been a good friend of mine for nearly 15 years. Mostly it went well, but I grew uncomfortable with it over time because he obviously has carried a torch for a long time. Our friendship was the best when he was in a relationship with another old friend of mine. Lately I've felt like boundaries have been crossed and I've been tempted to make him my fallback guy, which is wrong. The other ex obviously thinks I'm his fallback girl, because our most recent connection (over Christmas) involved some serious moves on his part to try and get me in bed. When I refused, he became rather pissy in emails, etc. afterwards. That said, I don't think either one of us has any romantic ideas about the other (other than physically - if that makes sense), and we have had some great conversations and know each other really well. My ex-husband and I were good friends for a while until he met his new girlfriend (who is crazy jealous of me) and quit paying child support. Enough said. I think people can be friends with exes, but only if one of them is not "in love" with the other. If both are in love, then friendship is a nice prelude to reconciliation I guess. I hope it works out well for you. I understand that it's difficult to figure out what to do with someone you have had such an emotional connection with - it seems like all that intimacy is wasted when a relationship ends. Good luck!
SithLord Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I told my ex i couldnt be friends with her, she kept pleading to be friends and i said no....i wasnt going to be a pawn by her, so she wish me a good life. oh well.
Author livelife Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 I have told him that I can't but I have recently been thinking about it. Maybe not until summer. He has asked to be my friend multiple times on Facebook. Some times I would accept then I would delete him. This happened many times haha Maybe 3? Anyways, he just asked me to be friends online again today, I accepted because I just don't care anymore. Why does he keep trying? This has been going on for 7 months ( asking to be friends with me, not just online)
Author livelife Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 so he chatted me online and we just talked casually, he was going to bed and told me to text him, so i did and said that I didnt know what else to say. Then He called me? I figured I can be friendly with him. I am fully aware that he just wants to be friends, I am fully aware that he is talking to someone else. He asked me to hang out twice tonight and I said no the first time really, and then the second time, on the phone, I told him "later" We will see where life takes us! All I know for now is that i am going to focus on myself and not let him get to me
SeriousBob12 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Depends entirely on the circumstances. I have an ex who I was able to be friends with immediately after the breakup. I was the dumper, but it was a clean break. I laid out the factors and was completely honest and respectful about it. The matter was nothing to do with her, but more ME. I'm extremely committed to my career, and wasn't able to provide her the time and affection that she wanted and really deserved. She was a sweet girl, and was used to having her boyfriend with her all the time. I had a many nights where I had to cancel or turn down plans because of work and related obligations. The way the relationship was going, wasn't respectful to her and she deserved better. Though disappointed she took it very well, and appreciated my fore-thought. She understood that I didn't want to drag her along and treat her secondary to other things (my career), which was obviously not fair to her. I even told her how much it hurt me to hear the sadness in her voice when she would call and I would have to once again tell her I was busy. Immediately, we were able to still be pleasant and respectful to each other. Though we weren't obviously talking everyday and became distant, every time I have seen her since has lead to a hug, a quick catch up, and laughs. Now as for my most recent ex, it's quite different. She was heartless during the breakup and had no regard for my feelings during or afterwards. She most definitely DOESN'T DESERVE me as a friend and never will. That sounds arrogant, but I'm a pretty amazing person, and deserved much much much better. F-her.
pieturli Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I'm sort of going through the same thing, although my breakup only happened about a month and a half ago. We both want to be friends eventually, but it does sort of scare me that what if we become friends, and then I just fall for her all over again.
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