mfs976 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Hey everyone! Glad to be part of this forum and see all the stories Ok I'll spare the details because its in another forum. But me and my ex split about a month and a half ago. She still continues to hang out with mutual friends whom she met through me and now that I'm in the anger stages and trying to transition into the acceptance stage I feel as though I need to shut my friends out in order to fully get over this girl. I don't even want the opportunity to ask what she's been up too or if she's seeing someone because it will hurt too much- I don't want to have a relapse with all these emotions. I am doing everything I can to forget her and move on. I even had to block my own friends on Facebook so I don't have to be constantly updated of new photos of them hanging out or whatever...I know this isn't 'man' behavior but I know myself and I know I wouldn't have any self control not to look at their photos if she's in them...especially since they've been planning this huge girls night for like 2 months that happens to be tonight. It would just hinder my progression seeing any new photos of her especially if she's having a blast.. Another thing I should mention is that our mutual friends are getting married in July and me and my ex are paired up in the wedding together. I'm really fearful that I won't be over this by then and if she brings a date it will just rip apart my insides and the jealously will destroy me. I don't plan to date right now or get into any kind of relationship for a while because I'm working on myself and I don't want to just bring anyone to the wedding because it will be obvious that I'm doing it to try and piss her off or make her jealous...I think I'm going nuts.. Any advice appreciated..
jquest1280 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 You are doing the right thing. Stay away from anything and anyone that reminds you of her. Don't worry, after some time, the pain will ebb and you can go back to seeing your friends. I had the same situation of having mutual friends with my ex. Fortunately we seldom got together (like, 2x a year). When my ex was in these get-togethers, I would be depressed for a few days after. But I always recovered. As for the July wedding, that's a long way away. You may not be over her by then, but you'll definitely be feeling better and stronger than you are now. You should bring someone to the wedding, so you have someone to talk to and distract you from your ex. Does it have to be someone you're dating? Can't it be a friend or relative? (Do guys do this? I would bring a gal pal, and especially someone who knew about my situation with the ex would be good). Or you could just do your part in the wedding and then leave. Be sure to pre-schedule an activity after that is sure to cheer you up.
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Going through this right now. Two of my close friends are also my ex's mutual friends and while they told me it's okay to reach out to them, they haven't been returning my calls or text messages. I realize it's uncomfortable for everyone that knows about it (because even though he's a jerk, they're used to him being a jerk and they're still his friends), so I'm not sure where to place myself because I haven't heard back from those friends. I still want to talk to them about him, but I think that I need to get to a place where I will not talk about him with them anymore before we can chat. Maybe that's something you need to think about doing, too; just disappear from them for a while. Let them know what you're doing before you do it. If they're not sympathetic to your cause even if they disagree, do what you need to do anyway. You have to think about yourself right now. Practical example: a friend and his ex-gf are able to somehow still hang out in the same social circles and they just ignore each other. Everyone else goes along with it. So it's possible with time.
Author mfs976 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Hey, thanks for your replies. This is good to know because I thought I might have been doing the wrong thing. I did tell them that I would probably be distancing myself for a little while until I can f***ing pull myself back together and that I didn't know if it'd be a month or 4 or 5 from now. In doing this I kind of feel like I'm publicly negating my status as a man to them and everyone else and I'm so pissed off at myself for not being able to suck it up and move on like she didn't even exist- which clearly she is having no trouble with. All she's been doing is going out and having a 'blast' since we broke up and I can't stop constantly thinking where she is, who she is with, and what she's doing no matter how hard I try.. Anyway I moved back in with the parents so I'm taking advantage of that by saving and paying off as much debt as possible so I can afford to quit my job and get a part-time job. This way I'll be able to attend school full-time instead of part-time. The breakup pretty much re-opened a door that I should have walked through right after graduating high school.. For this reason I don't know if I should start dating yet or not? If I don't show up at the wedding she wins yet again but if I show up by myself and she's with someone she still wins...I want to show up being much improved and with someone better than her. Someone told me to hire a smoking hot escort but that is just ridiculous lol...I'm an attractive guy with attractive traits and am capable of getting a quality woman- just not right now.
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hey, thanks for your replies. This is good to know because I thought I might have been doing the wrong thing. I did tell them that I would probably be distancing myself for a little while until I can f***ing pull myself back together and that I didn't know if it'd be a month or 4 or 5 from now. In doing this I kind of feel like I'm publicly negating my status as a man to them and everyone else and I'm so pissed off at myself for not being able to suck it up and move on like she didn't even exist- which clearly she is having no trouble with. All she's been doing is going out and having a 'blast' since we broke up and I can't stop constantly thinking where she is, who she is with, and what she's doing no matter how hard I try.. NO, you're not doing the wrong thing. You're not "negating your status" as a man because you just can't suck things up. You're not supposed to. You're hurt. You should feel all of that hurt. Listen, the only way we can get through the rough parts of the break-up is by feeling everything. It will take us longer to recover if we force ourselves to not feel the bad stuff. You know what I'm talking about. If you allow yourself 3 minutes to be sad about the ex, it'll pass much faster than if you were to get into a mental tug of war when you're thinking "NO, I don't want to think of her. But I'm thinking of her, but I don't want to!" She stays longer in your head that way, you see? Feel it all. You'll get tired of feeling down in the dumps about the ex and then, you'll find the strength to tug on those bootstraps and make a stronger effort to push all thoughts of and feelings for her away. I'm getting there. I'm getting tired of thinking of him. I still have my moments where I'm fantasizing about a reunion with him years down the road, but I'm allowing myself to do that for just a very short time. I feel it when I can stop thinking, so once I do that, I do. The process starts all over again but moments like that are becoming less frequent and I'm so glad about that. Anyway I moved back in with the parents so I'm taking advantage of that by saving and paying off as much debt as possible so I can afford to quit my job and get a part-time job. This way I'll be able to attend school full-time instead of part-time. The breakup pretty much re-opened a door that I should have walked through right after graduating high school.. For this reason I don't know if I should start dating yet or not? If I don't show up at the wedding she wins yet again but if I show up by myself and she's with someone she still wins...I want to show up being much improved and with someone better than her. Someone told me to hire a smoking hot escort but that is just ridiculous lol...I'm an attractive guy with attractive traits and am capable of getting a quality woman- just not right now. Focus on yourself and your goals. I'm obsessed with mine right now (paying off student loans) and it makes dwelling on my break-up less likely. I don't want to dwell on it and I'm starting to feel the need to unplug from LS as a result. I like being helped and I like to help people with their heartbreaks, but doing so makes me remember mine so I'll be around for only a few more days. As for dating, I think there's nothing wrong with having distractions. You'll probably need a recovery time before putting your heart on the line again. A sincere good luck to you. We'll get through this.
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