theodora Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Ok. So. Here we go. My new man of four months tells me he loves me. Tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Tells me he wants to have kids with me. Tells me I am sexy, beautiful, a good person. He has offered me to move in with him. He's given me a key to his front door. He even gets me to check his emails. But he is also sometimes a bit inconsiderate. He forgets to call me when he said he would. He can be selfish. And when he's in a bad mood, he's one of those people who prefers to be left alone, or takes it out on people around him. A result of all these things means that I have become very attached to him, I love him, he's made me feel safe - but I feel like as soon as I felt SAFE, he suddenly switched into "comfortable" mode and as soon as that happened, as soon as I let my guard down, he relaxed all that effort, and now I AM SO PARANOID THAT I AM GOING TO LOSE HIM. I have now reached a point of such paranoia that basically the only time I feel secure is when he is actually talking to me, telling me that everything is ok. The rest of the time I just obsess and feel depressed and all I think about is how much I stand to lose and how hurt I am going to be. I think things like "the reason he gave me a door key is so he doesn't have to get up off the sofa to answer the door when I come round". "He is taking you for a ride. He could say anything, you're such an idiot, you would believe it." "He doesn't fancy you any more. Your neurotic behaviour has ruined your sexual appeal." In the beginning he called, texted, all the time. He was the first to say he loved me. He is the one who has talked about marriage. He has driven it to a really full on place really quick, maybe too quick for me. I really want to trust him but the truth is that while I believe that he THINKS he means what he says, he doesn't or can't possibly actually KNOW that he feels this way about me so soon. Which makes him unreliable. Which makes me not trust him. That is the sort of mental loop my mind is going over and over to the point of near madness. And please don't say 'just break up with him' because I waited my whole life to meet a man who ticks my boxes in the way that he does! I can't just chuck it away. I want ways to try and move forwards, not just give up. You can't give up when someone this special comes along. But...if you don't give up......what do you do???????? Does anyone have any experience of this kind of trust issue turning out ok once you work through it? Or should I be more worried that being with him makes me feel this crazy?
youngskywalker Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 You better simmer down or this relationship is toast. I don't see this guy doing anything so horrible besides being a typical male. Give him a little space and stop being so needy. You've only been dating him four months which is the typical timeframe for someone to show their true colors. So do you like what you see or not? I doubt you're going to change things back to where they were in the beginning. The honeymoon period could be ending.
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