start-fresh Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I'm a 24 year old guy that has never had a serious relationship. I've had some success dating but nothing long term has ever developed. I think a big reason for that is my lack of emotion. I don't really understand it. I think I'm a pretty "good" man in general. I do feel that I care about other people and how my actions affect them and their feelings, etc. It's not that I don't care about others' well being, it just seems like I can never really get emotionally involved in a relationship. As a result, I usually end up breaking things off with the women I date after a few months, mainly because I feel like I'm leading them on because I can't match their interest level. I want to give things time to develop, but don't want to be six months in and have her come out and say "I love you" and me just sit there and not honestly be able to return the sentiment. How do I fix this without sabotaging yet another relationship? My gut reaction is just be completely honest and say that I'm not as interested as she is but I don't think it's worth breaking things off. How long does it typically take people to develop emotional attachments in a relationship? Am I just not giving it enough time?
Hopeful30 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Try dating some girls for no longer than a month. Then break it off. If you still feel a strong pull to her, try again. If you don't feel so bad, then let her go. Maybe you should stop dating in general and only do so when a woman REALLY catches your attention. It seems to me that you date just for the sake of it. It's fun and it's social and theres benefits to it, but don't date for a while. You're young, maybe you need to figure yourself out. Besides, you have plenty of time. Try staying out of the dating scene for a while and see how it goes.
Author start-fresh Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Hopeful, the thing is I DO just date when a girl really catches my attention. I've never been a casual dater, but even then the girls that I do ask out still only seem to be around for a couple months. I agree that I do need to figure myself out, but how do I do that? I'd hate to leave a path of failed short term relationships without making any changes...
Author start-fresh Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Anybody else have any advice? I'm really hoping I'm not emotionally unavailable or something, but in some ways it feels that way. How long does it take you to develop deep feelings for somebody?
northern_sky Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) Anybody else have any advice? I'm really hoping I'm not emotionally unavailable or something, but in some ways it feels that way. How long does it take you to develop deep feelings for somebody? It sounds like you are. But it's hard to say why without knowing anything about your history or personality. Answering these questions may help you determine if you are emotionally unavailable: 1) do you tend to pine for girls or idolize them from a distance. Are you drawn to women who are unavailable/out of reach in some capacity? 2) what is your type? 3) do you tend to find fault with girls once you get deeply involved or somehow devalue them? 4) are you prone to being attracted to mostly superficials? Examples might be looks, social style around others (like extreme extroversion), popularity, societal status, fashion sense, resume type accomplishments. 5) what do you find more of a turn on if you had to choose between the two: kindness/warmth or independence? Edited January 9, 2011 by northern_sky
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