ccnaboy2000 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) Well my girlfriend and I dated for 6 months when she threw out the I want to be single, I love you still and care about you yadda yadda. I immediately went no contact, she would text me all the time telling me she loves and misses me and thinks about me daily. I ignored it all and 2 weeks later she came back. Things were great, we both showed a lot of affection for each other spent a lot of time together whatnot. I even went to go help her family move their house. Her dad even had a talk with her, without me saying anything, telling her she is "too mean to me" and needs to be nicer. Guess he saw her putting me down for no reason, she does that a lot. DOnt know if it's a depression thing or whatnot. 6 days ago we went hiking together and for a jog. I made her laugh the whole damn time, she was taking pictures of us together, she was tellin me how much he loved me and was kissin me. Then next day, doesnt text me at all doesnt call. Day after that same thing, I texted her and asked what was wrong you seem distant. She said nothing and she was just busy worked a split shift the other day and she is going to work right now. I felt that was a bunch of BS cuz she used to text call all the time. 30 minutes later I get a text. "i need to tell you this, I still want to be single. I love you so much and I care about you so much, but I'm not ready. I still like you and want you to be a part of my life. I tell you I love you because I mean it, and thats why I kiss you still. But I'm not ready, we both have things we need to get done in life first." I went into NC mode once again. A day passed she asked if I got the job that I went into interview for. I ignored it. Later she texted "are you ignoring me again?" referencing the first time I went NC when she pulled the I want to be single thing. Then a couple hours later. "You know I still care about you a lot, I dont know why your ignoring me, but if your going to ignore me then I'm fine with it." That was 3 days ago, and I havent heard a thing from her since. I'm going NC still, but I dont know what to make of this flip-flop and her hot cold attitude. And dont know where to go from here. As of right now she seems to be doing just fine. I think she might be seeing someone else now, but I'm not sure. If she loved me like she claimed you think she would want to be with me. Edited January 8, 2011 by ccnaboy2000
TheGrimSweeper Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 She wants to have the single life but also wants you around at the same time. Its obviously selfish of her and not fair on you to do that. The whole "im fine with it" sounds like a reverse psychology thing shes trying to pull, if she was really fine with it she wouldn't have said anything at all. You could keep ignoring her or I'd just tell her politely its not possible to be friends cause you can't just be friends with someone your in love with, and leave it at that.
mmiller5373 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 This sounds just like my ex. They want us in their life and don't want to lose us, yet, they want to live the single life to see what life is all about. To see if there is someone else out there maybe? I don't know, but you're doing the right thing by staying NC. Let her figure out things on her own. You don't need that kind of wishy-washyness in your life.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 This sounds just like my ex. They want us in their life and don't want to lose us, yet, they want to live the single life to see what life is all about. To see if there is someone else out there maybe? I don't know, but you're doing the right thing by staying NC. Let her figure out things on her own. You don't need that kind of wishy-washyness in your life. Yeah it is wishy washy for sure. I mean the past 3 weeks, every day my phone has texts "I love you", "I miss you", "I wanna see you", "I wish you and I were cuddling right now" yadda yadda. Everyday! Then boom instant disconnect again. Head trip. I'm so over this crap, for 10 years, all my relationships are the same. Actually whats scary every girl I've dated either has chronic depression, or bipolar, one girl was molested by an uncle growing up, so she was kinda messed in the head. This last one has very deep depression, has tons of family issue's, hates her mother wishes she was dead kinda thing. Dad was abusive when she was younger. I'm starting to think there are no normal people out there, or at least people with problems that know how to deal with them.
reknown29 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) Yeah it is wishy washy for sure. I mean the past 3 weeks, every day my phone has texts "I love you", "I miss you", "I wanna see you", "I wish you and I were cuddling right now" yadda yadda. Everyday! Then boom instant disconnect again. Head trip. I'm so over this crap, for 10 years, all my relationships are the same. Actually whats scary every girl I've dated either has chronic depression, or bipolar, one girl was molested by an uncle growing up, so she was kinda messed in the head. This last one has very deep depression, has tons of family issue's, hates her mother wishes she was dead kinda thing. Dad was abusive when she was younger. I'm starting to think there are no normal people out there, or at least people with problems that know how to deal with them. You are just like me. Except I have been going through these kind of relationships for 20years. Im 35. You must also be a city dweller? These kinds of girls are usually drawn to the bug city to hide.... I have reached my limit with bpd girls. It is a VERY unhealthy realtionship. It is completely one sided. They CANNOT give you anything. They only take what they want from you. These girls have had some sort of traumatic experience in their past whcih make them uncapable of having any empathy. You MUST avoid this girl. Your breakup has been extremely difficult as a result of her illness. Please read these articles: http://gettinbetter.com/anatomy.html http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html You may also want to get a book called, no more mr nice guy. Its a bad title but it describes what it is about guys like us that keep attracting women like this. I suggest you get out of the cycle your in. You will have a much better quality of life if you do. Its going to be hard because these girls for some reason are 9 times out of 10, insanely hot! Get over the looks and find someone who is good for you. You will not have the same chemistry that you have had with a bpd girl, but eventually you will except this. It will prob be a little boring at first but get over it. We both have become addicted to the sort of insanity that a girl with a personality disorder brings. Its exciting, the sex is friggen amazing, etc. but it is not worth it in the long run. You dO NOT want to have children with such a person! Contact me anytime if you want more info on this. Edited January 8, 2011 by reknown29
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 So after four days she texted. "Honestly I dont know why you ignore me when I say I wanna be single. I still love you and wanna hand out with you. I told you after we both get our sh*t together in life we can be together again. I dont know why you have such a huge problem with it, its annoying. I dont know whats changed now. New Girl?" I havent replied, I dont even know if I should reply. Or just let it go until she figures this "get sh*t together stuff"
mmiller5373 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Dude, I wouldn't reply to that message. Sounds like she's fishing to see if your on the hook still. She needs to get her act together and I hate to agree with her, but she needs to do that on her own time... Not on yours. Stay NC.
cboy90 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Let her get her $hit together. Never settle for second best. As good ol' Ricky Bobby once said: "If you ain't first, your last!"
DellPickle Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 So after four days she texted. "Honestly I dont know why you ignore me when I say I wanna be single. I still love you and wanna hand out with you. I told you after we both get our sh*t together in life we can be together again. I dont know why you have such a huge problem with it, its annoying. I dont know whats changed now. New Girl?" I havent replied, I dont even know if I should reply. Or just let it go until she figures this "get sh*t together stuff" Id simply tell her she cant have her cake and eat it...if she wants relationship type benefits she needs to be in a relationship and that if she truly loved you she would leave you alone and then avoid responding to anything
lovekills Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I agree with what has already been said, she is trying to have the best of both worlds. I know from personal experience about this. After a break up with my GF of 4 years she wanted to continue seeing me but was also seeing a new guy. She had the sexual exhilaration of a new relationship but had the comfort of laying in bed with me and all of our memories etc. She obviously caught on to your no contact game so it WON'T work the second time, almost guaranteed unless you don't treat it like a game and actually go no contact forever, then maybe there will be a chance she comes back to you but chances are she will move on like most women do, we are unfortunately the poor saps who like to hold on to hope for no reason. I also had someone I was seeing recently say "i need to get my life in order I just need some space and need to get my head on straight" - I actually read a message where she said this to another guy she was dating immediately after me, its a bull**** line just like anything else. You either want to be with someone or you don't, its cut and dry there are no variables, only the ones we create in our head. So forget her and move on, as hard as that may be to swallow its your best bet. You don't want to be played, I was for a long time, it ain't worth it.
lovekills Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Yeah it is wishy washy for sure. I mean the past 3 weeks, every day my phone has texts "I love you", "I miss you", "I wanna see you", "I wish you and I were cuddling right now" yadda yadda. Everyday! Then boom instant disconnect again. Head trip. I'm so over this crap, for 10 years, all my relationships are the same. Actually whats scary every girl I've dated either has chronic depression, or bipolar, one girl was molested by an uncle growing up, so she was kinda messed in the head. This last one has very deep depression, has tons of family issue's, hates her mother wishes she was dead kinda thing. Dad was abusive when she was younger. I'm starting to think there are no normal people out there, or at least people with problems that know how to deal with them. Yikes, I thought my situation was unique but after coming on here and reading a few threads I see that these women are more and more common. The girl you reference above sounds exactly like the mid 30's women I was dating. Abused/molested by her father who then supposedly went to jail for 20 years (enter daddy issues) and can't stand her mother, primarily because I think she resented and blamed her for what happened, suffers of course from deep depression. I have been reading up on BPD and the links referenced in another comment on here and OMFG they are dead on, scary that this happens to these poor women. I have never experienced it until recently so I had hoped she was 'normal' but by all means normal was not something she was capable of being so we fought over what i considered normal and what she did.
lovekills Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 You are just like me. Except I have been going through these kind of relationships for 20years. Im 35. You must also be a city dweller? These kinds of girls are usually drawn to the bug city to hide.... I have reached my limit with bpd girls. It is a VERY unhealthy realtionship. It is completely one sided. They CANNOT give you anything. They only take what they want from you. These girls have had some sort of traumatic experience in their past whcih make them uncapable of having any empathy. You MUST avoid this girl. Your breakup has been extremely difficult as a result of her illness. Please read these articles: http://gettinbetter.com/anatomy.html http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html You may also want to get a book called, no more mr nice guy. Its a bad title but it describes what it is about guys like us that keep attracting women like this. I suggest you get out of the cycle your in. You will have a much better quality of life if you do. Its going to be hard because these girls for some reason are 9 times out of 10, insanely hot! Get over the looks and find someone who is good for you. You will not have the same chemistry that you have had with a bpd girl, but eventually you will except this. It will prob be a little boring at first but get over it. We both have become addicted to the sort of insanity that a girl with a personality disorder brings. Its exciting, the sex is friggen amazing, etc. but it is not worth it in the long run. You dO NOT want to have children with such a person! Contact me anytime if you want more info on this. You nailed this on the head. My girl is not insanely hot but she is hot and she draws men in like a moth to a flame. Being a goth-esque type chick with visible tattoo's, short sexy hair and an attitude she draws in the nice guys like me and the skate boarding morons too. Point is that she fits your description to a T and I read the articles. She acts like a 15 year old sometimes trapped in a mid 30 year old's body, incapable of making any proactive decisions that will get her out of debt or make her more money, instead living day by day and only making short term decisions. Our relationship after our first break up was EXTREMELY one sided. In fact she even said "its going to be one sided because of the way you treated me the first time around". Granted I didn't treat her like a girlfriend (wine and dine) but I was still GOOD to her. She just expected to be treated like a "princess" and quote "before you guys would worship me" - trust me she has no qualities worth worshiping, the sex wasn't even that great. All she did was take take take, even the x-mas gifts she took then broke up with me 5 days later. I guess I finally know that she had BPD...
I have no title Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 If she loved me like she claimed you think she would want to be with me. No, definitely not. I think she is just tired of a relationship and wants to experience something new - she wants to be on her own - therefore she says she is "not ready" or "she wants to be single". She definitely has some feelings for you, but they are not as strong as before, and they are obviously not strong enough to make her stay committed to a relationship with you. It happens quite often with young people. They don't know what they want, they first try one thing, they experience, and then they want another. This is normal, because this is how you acheive your life experience. Don't contact her, let her think, let her miss you maybe, and let her see how's life out there without you. It happens to all of us, cause sometimes we're just not sure anymore if what we have is actually what we want to stick to and what we want to have - therefore we pull out phrases like "I'm not sure, I'm not ready, please leave me alone for a while". Since it has already happened to your relationship before, and since you reconciled very soon, it is quite obvious that you broke up again. It was because you broke up - she started missing you, and since she had feelings for you, she came back to you, but she still didn't manage to see, feel, explore how's life without you, or how's life with someone else (perhaps). Therefore the break up between you too happened again, but this time, save yourself a great amount of heartache and pain,and just let her go and swim in the waters of this life without you. Again: it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, and most probably she DOES love you, but she just doesn't want to stick to you right now, cause she is eager to explore this life and see maybe there's someone more interesting for her. Understand it, and stay calm - she might come around, and if she does, beleive me, she will appreciate and care for you much more than before (which if for your own benefit). Don't make hopes though and also work on yourself, don't sink in these thoughts and don't wait until she will come around again, leave this for the destiny to decide. P.S : This is the people's nature, "you don't know what you got until you lose it". Hope I have helped, good luck
Movingthrough Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 No, definitely not. I think she is just tired of a relationship and wants to experience something new - she wants to be on her own - therefore she says she is "not ready" or "she wants to be single". She definitely has some feelings for you, but they are not as strong as before, and they are obviously not strong enough to make her stay committed to a relationship with you. It happens quite often with young people. They don't know what they want, they first try one thing, they experience, and then they want another. This is normal, because this is how you acheive your life experience. Don't contact her, let her think, let her miss you maybe, and let her see how's life out there without you. It happens to all of us, cause sometimes we're just not sure anymore if what we have is actually what we want to stick to and what we want to have - therefore we pull out phrases like "I'm not sure, I'm not ready, please leave me alone for a while". Since it has already happened to your relationship before, and since you reconciled very soon, it is quite obvious that you broke up again. It was because you broke up - she started missing you, and since she had feelings for you, she came back to you, but she still didn't manage to see, feel, explore how's life without you, or how's life with someone else (perhaps). Therefore the break up between you too happened again, but this time, save yourself a great amount of heartache and pain,and just let her go and swim in the waters of this life without you. Again: it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, and most probably she DOES love you, but she just doesn't want to stick to you right now, cause she is eager to explore this life and see maybe there's someone more interesting for her. Understand it, and stay calm - she might come around, and if she does, beleive me, she will appreciate and care for you much more than before (which if for your own benefit). Don't make hopes though and also work on yourself, don't sink in these thoughts and don't wait until she will come around again, leave this for the destiny to decide. P.S : This is the people's nature, "you don't know what you got until you lose it". Hope I have helped, good luck Very good and accurate post. Like the OP i have had the same question, how can someone say they love you over and over to the point of where its not just the cutesy little games, then not be with you. In my situation it was an LDR, so more then likely she just wanted something "normal". Problem that i see is this seems to be so common, i dont think its all woman, but woman seem to do the real hard pushing for the "love" only to pull out. While i know guys do the same, i feel every other post i read on here is like this one. As far as your situation though OP, i would not respond, you gave it a second chance and she did it again. The only thing that is talking now is guilt and you are lucky you have the strength to go instant NC like you have. Easier said then done, but im pretty sure you dont want to be with someone that would do this to you again.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Very good and accurate post. Like the OP i have had the same question, how can someone say they love you over and over to the point of where its not just the cutesy little games, then not be with you. In my situation it was an LDR, so more then likely she just wanted something "normal". Problem that i see is this seems to be so common, i dont think its all woman, but woman seem to do the real hard pushing for the "love" only to pull out. While i know guys do the same, i feel every other post i read on here is like this one. As far as your situation though OP, i would not respond, you gave it a second chance and she did it again. The only thing that is talking now is guilt and you are lucky you have the strength to go instant NC like you have. Easier said then done, but im pretty sure you dont want to be with someone that would do this to you again. Yeah it's not easy. But you know I've been in relationships too many times in my life where begging and pleading never worked, I learned that from this forum years ago! Yeah I'm heart broken, especially more so that guys seem to be throwing themselves at her. But you know I'm the only guy thats never did her wrong, always nice and respectful, she admitted that to me. So I have at least the dignity to know I've been the only non cheating non abusive boyfriend. I love her so much but at the end of the day its her loss, because I know I'm a good guy. I'm 27 and she's 20. So I have a little bit more emotional stability. If she wants to be single so she can bang other guys or date (which she denies she wants to do, but thats probably a falacy) than there will be no third chance. I won't put up with sloppy seconds anymore.
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